Counting Stars

It was three months after the breakup and it was so rough for Jamie. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was hurting. I tried distracting him with going out to dinner and stuff after games but nothing could get him out of his funk. He was decent at best on the ice and I had to talk to him. We were on a 4 game losing streak and he wasn’t doing anything to help.

“Jamie.” I called, patting a spot on the sofa next to me. He shrugged and sat down next to me with his eyes glued to his phone.

“You gotta get out of this rut man. I know you liked her and all but—“

“Don’t” he warned. Looking at me sternly. I shrugged and contemplated bringing it up again. After a long silence I decided to just go for it. I was his brother, what was he going to do to me.

“It’s been three months dude. It’s time you get over her.”

“Say one more fucking word to me Jordie I fucking swear.” He grumbled bitterly.

“Live your life, seriously.”

“You don’t fucking get it, just mind your own damn business!” He yelled. I knew he’d hate me, but somebody had to tell him or he’d stay like this for who knows how long. Before I got the chance to say anything else his face dropped and he let out a heartbroken sigh.

“Uh…what is it?” I asked leaning closer to him so I could see his phone. He was on Alicia’s instagram and she had picture after picture of her partying and hanging out with friends, and plenty of guys who looked like they had to be male models. She was clearly making out with one of them in one of the posts too.

“She’s moved on.” He whispered before throwing his phone to where he was sitting on the couch and walking to his room.

“Maybe she’s hasn’t. Maybe she’s just trying to cope with all this too.” I said following him and not letting him in. I pulled him by his shirt back and held him against the wall. I noticed the tears fall from his eyes and I just felt so bad. He was never like this about anyone.

“I doubt it. I bet you she dumped me so she could go out and make out with all those guys. “ He said, tears steaming from his chin.

“Stop it. She fucking loves you okay. You know that. She just….hates it here. You can’t blame her for that.” I said patting his shoulder.

“Yeah I can. I should matter more.” He said walking into the kitchen.

“Look, maybe you should call her,” I sighed. I didn’t know what I was saying. I wasn’t used to dealing with stuff like this and I wasn’t really sure where I was going with it.

“Maybe if you’re friends it’ll be easier you know? So she’s not completely out of your life. “ He nodded as he sipped from a fresh water bottle and wiped his eyes.

“Maybe you’re right.” He whispered. I walked over and gave him a hug.

“It’ll be okay man.” He nodded and walked out to the balcony.

“Hellooooo?” I answered. It was 1am and the party was just getting started but I looked down to see Jamie’s name on my phone. I had a few friends from school saving our seats at the bar so I snuck out for a second.

“Hey. It’s me.” He said quietly.

“Hi honey!! How are you? I’ve missed you.” I could feel my words slurring together but I didn’t care. It had been so long since I talked to Jamie and it was nice to hear his voice.

“Hold on babe, let me step outside for a sec.” I said stumbling out of the club.

“Okay. How are you Buttercup?” I smiled as I sat on the curb.

“Okay. I miss you Alicia.” He said with a hint of pain in his voice.

“I miss you too my lil Benny boo. I saw your goal the other night, fucking filthyyyy.” I smiled as I swayed to the thumping music.

“You saw that?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah baby. What you think I don’t watch your games just because we’re broken up?” I giggled.

“I want to see you…I need to see you.”

“Jamie…..”

“Come see me? Please. We have a roadie in Vancouver in a few days. I’ll fly you out. I just have to see you babe. I can’t take this.” Hearing Jamie talk like this was so weird. Granted he was a little soft spoken anyway, but he was never this mushy. He showed his love through teasing and dumbass little gifts.

“Jamie I don’t know.” He was silent. “I have midterms coming up and—“

“Fine. I’m sure you have plenty of hot guys at your disposal to fuck.” He scoffed.

“Jamie I’m not like that and you know it.” I said calmly but inside I was angry he’d even say that.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t live without you Alicia.”

“Babe…I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Please. I’m begging you…”

“I can’t Jamie.” I closed my eyes and picked at the small rocks at my feet.

“Is it because you don’t love me anymore.” He said. His words causing the tears forming in the corners of my eyes to roll down my cheeks.

“I do love you!” I shouted, feeling that hyper emotional drunk girl people make fun of as I pounded my hand into the concrete.

“Then come see me. I’ll book it and email everything to you okay?”

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Buttercup.” I rolled my eyes and hung up before going back inside Elixr. I wasn’t in the mood to drink anymore and I had a pretty calm rest of the night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie.

“Alicia you have to dance with me at some point.” My friend Matt said grabbing my hand and leading me to the dance floor.

“I’m just not in the mood Matty.” I said looking into his light blue eyes. Matt and I had been friends since I was in 7th grade. We even moved to Pittsburgh together.

“What’s wrong love?” he asked wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Jamie called.” I said choking back tears.

“What did he say?” Matt pushed some hair behind my ear and held my face in his hand. I stared into his blue eyes for a second before looking away.

“He’s flying me out to Vancouver to see him.” I said resting my head on his chest.

“Wow. How do you feel about that?” He ran a hand through my hair and kissed my forehead.

“I’ve missed him a lot.” I cried drunkenly.

Two days later I was sitting on a cramped flight to the west coast. I sat next to a rather old man who had no problem telling me everything that was wrong with my generation. Once we landed though I got my bag as quickly as possible. Jamie had sent a car to get me and I found the cab driver with my name on a little paper sign. He tried to make small talk with me on the way to the hotel but I could barely contain myself. I rolled my suitcase into the golden elevator and bounced on my toes as the bell rang as I reached the 17th floor.

My hands were sweaty as I knocked on the door. Within seconds Jamie pulled me inside and kissed me hard as the door slammed. I was so nervous and excited my hands were shaking. I was just overwhelmed as I tried to hold back my tears. He took a deep breath and kissed my cheek before pulling away and noticing I was crying.

“Al-Alicia what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this Jamie. I shouldn’t have come.” I said into my hands.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek.

“I-I can’t….seeing you is too hard….I just…..” I cried. All of a sudden I was flooded with memories and it was hard for me to breathe. I sobbed into his chest for a moment. It was clearly apparent to me that I shouldn’t have broken up with him and I wished I could have taken it back.

“Shhhhhh.” He whispered. “I missed you too. I missed you so much.” He said with a hand in my coarse hair. He picked me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. He sat us down on the bed.

I took a deep breath and looked into his golden brown eyes.

“I’m sorry Jamie.” I said laying down with my head on his chest.

“For what beautiful?” he asked kissing the top of my head.

“Breaking up with you.” I mumbled, picking at my cuticles.

“Then get back together with me.” He said softly.

“It’s not that simple. I mean…..I saw a future with you. A house, kids all of it. I just didn’t want it to be in Dallas.” I knew that hurt.

“There’s nothing I can do about that.” He whispered sounding defeated.

“I know.” I said straddling him. His eyes were filled with sorrow and my heart swelled with guilt. I forcefully kissed him. Hopefully hard enough to distract us from the pain both of our hearts felt. He sat up and his hands roamed from my shoulders to my ass. I pulled off my shirt roughly and he unclasped my bra in record time. It seemed like I couldn’t get his shirt off fast enough as he kissed me gently. I kissed his jaw lightly before he rolled on top. He let his lips brush mine as he just closed his eyes for a moment.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I thought I lost you.” He said.

“You know I’ll love you forever right?” I said enjoying his soft lips against mine. I was sick knowing that I was the only reason we weren’t together. He nodded and leaned down to kiss my neck. His hand gently squeezed my breast and moaned as he nuzzled his freshly shaved face into my neck. ME moved down slowly and kissed the top of my breasts before gently sucking a nipple into his mouth. I ran my hand through his new fauxhawk like hair cut and he looked up and into my eyes. I moaned and the heat of his mouth made me tingle all over. He slipped a hand between my thighs and I leaned my head back and let out a soft moan. He slowly slipped my panties down to my knees and sat up to cup my face in his hands. He leaned back and pulled me on top of him. I sat up in my knees to pull his sweats down before he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back.

“I love you.” He said in between kisses as he gently slid into me. He felt amazing. Just like I remembered but it had been just long enough for me to wince slightly. He pumped slowly and closed his eyes and I kissed his neck.

“I fucking missed this.” He said with his eyes still closed. I giggled before tugging on his hair a bit.

“You gonna look at me.” I laughed. He opened one eye and looked down. I was pressed firmly against his chest and he had his hands on my back.

“Mmmm I just wanna feel right now.” He said, his voice low and deeper than usual.

“Shut up.” I chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. He looked down at me and our eyes locked, his movements still slow and sensual.

“You have beautiful eyes, buttercup.” I smiled. He just scoffed.

“Why buttercup Alicia?” he said pushing a few loose strands of hair behind my ear.

“What you prefer Chubbs?” I smirked as I rolled my hips. He gasped loudly before I did it again.

“You trying to kill me?” he said as his grip on my waist tightened.

“Maybe, maybe not.” I smiled. He quickly rolled us over and his hands were planted firmly on either side of my head. He gave me a devilsh smile as he picked up the pace.

“Fuck Jamie.” I moaned as he thrust deeper and harder. After a short while m toes curled up and my nails were digging into his back.

“Jamieee……” I cried out as my orgasm ripped through me. He let out a deep grunt before collapsing on top of me. I kissed him hard even though my entire body was tingling. He rolled off me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I rested my head on his chest and quickly fell asleep. I woke up to a loud knock and I pulled on some boy shorts and a white tank. I heard Jamie mumble as he rolled a cart into the room.

“Breakfast?” he smiled.