Small Miracles

It’s much, much too early to be awake on a Saturday morning. As I turn into the parking lot of the high school, I notice the scoreboard: “0 DAYS TO THE TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL STATE CHAMPIONSHIPS.” They’ve been counting down ever since the Falcons won the semi-finals.

I get out of the car and go over to the bleachers, taking a seat on the team bench, watching the figure running laps around the field. I’ve brought two cups of coffee with me and a bacon, egg, and cheese.

It’s six o’clock when Nick finally does his last lap and then comes over to me. I take a sip of my coffee and smile as he sits down next to me, sighing. He smells like soap and cologne and a little bit of sweat. He’s wearing black running shorts and a gray sweatshirt, a red beanie stuffed over his hair. His cheeks are flushed and I can still hear him breathing hard.

“Hey,” I say, smiling. Nick grins back and leans in to kiss me, but somehow manages to miss my mouth and gets my nose instead.

“Shit, sorry, I’m so out of of it today.”

“That’s okay. I welcome any and all nostril kisses,” I say, and he snorts. “Here, I brought you some coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese.”

“Did you get —”

“—cream and sugar, yes, I know,” I finish, holding the cup out to him.

His face lights up and he takes it, shoving the sandwich in his mouth. “You’re a lifesaver. I love you, thanks.”

Nick keeps speaking and I’m dimly aware of it, but all I can really hear is the beating of my heart, loud enough to compete with the drummers in the school marching band. I gulp down my coffee and burn my throat, almost choking, but Nick doesn’t notice, instead continuing to talk. He hadn’t even blinked.

He and I have never really felt the need to say “I love you” because it was kind of obvious already. But I never thought it would come like this, so random and out of the blue, nor did I think I’d react this way, either. I don’t know what to do. Does he expect me to say it back? Should I bother? What brought it on? What am I supposed to do? And why did he say it over something simple, like coffee? What made him say it at all? I replay the words in my head, and it feels bizarre to know that someone feels that way about me. I love you. I love you. I love you.

What I feel the most, though, is awe, because Nick loves me. Nick, who is this perfect person, who in my eyes might as well hang the sun in the sky every morning, who could have anyone in the world that he wants because he is funny and charismatic and warm, loves me. I’m reserved and stubborn and just so average and he loves me anyway.

Nick rambles on, oblivious to my internal dilemma, and finally I decide to just let it go.

“ . . . we have this cool welcoming banquet today, which is why we’re going so early, I guess your dad didn’t want to be bothered with it last year, but I think it’ll be fun. Coach said they’ve got a buffet there, like an all-you-can-eat, which is good, and I’m excited for that, but I really just wanna play, you know? I want it to be later already. Like, I’m nervous, don’t get me wrong, but I just wanna be there, like — I feel like things are gonna be good — maybe it’s dumb, but I dunno — Jules? You good?”

He waves his hand in front of my face and I finally blink. “Sorry. I zoned out for a second.”

“S’okay. I shouldn’t have made you get up this early; it’s me who’s leaving for Dallas in an hour, not you. You coulda slept in.” He takes off his beanie and shakes his hair out; it’s gotten a lot longer these past few weeks, swooping down his forehead.

I absently put a hand in his hair, trying to fix it but mostly just playing with it. Nick nuzzles into it, pleased with being petted. He closes his eyes, like he’s receiving some kind of scalp massage.

“Are you gonna watch?” he asks. I don’t answer for a second, and he quickly adds, “If you don’t it’s okay, you won’t be missing much.” It’s a lie and we both know it.

“No,” I say finally. “No, I wanna watch it. I think my mom is gonna put it on the TV, like we did with the semis.”

Nick smiles a little. “Okay. Cool.”

“If anything you should be even more nervous,” I say teasingly. “Now every time you see a camera you know I’ll be watching. The pressure’s on, QB.”

“If this is your way of giving me a pep talk, no offense Jules, but you’re really bad at it,” Nick says, shaking his head.

“You want a pep talk? Fine, here. Take a knee.” I get off the bench and crouch down on one knee, looking up at him expectantly.

He raises his eyebrows. “You’re actually serious right now.”

“Um, absolutely. Now come on.”

He huffs out a sigh but lowers himself down next to me, bowing his head so his forehead is almost touching his knee and taking his cross necklace out of his shirt. “Okay. I’m ready.”

“Okay. Here we go. It’s your last game as a Falcon. It’s the most important game. A lot of scouts are gonna be there. But I don’t want you to think about any of that, okay? I know it’s easier said than done, but listen to me. Just think about playing the game. You love football. You’ve been playing it since you were a kid. You know what you gotta do, so just go out there and do it.

“And I know you’re afraid of letting everyone down, but look at it like this: you’re their captain. They all look up to you and love you. They trust you. They know you would never do them wrong. Nothing you do or say today will change their opinion of you, okay? And you’ve got a great coach. He made you guys work hard and it’s paid off. So just . . . make sure your helmet and your shoes are on tight. Talk to each other. Be patient. You can do this. I believe in you.”

Nick slowly opens his eyes after a second. I watch him, waiting for his reaction. “Well? How was that? How do you feel?”

“I feel . . . like I’m ready to go kick some ass,” Nick says, lifting a fist in triumph. “I feel invincible.”

“You do?”

“Maybe not invincible. But I feel good. I take back what I said before; you’re not too shabby at giving pep talks, lady.”

I shrug. “It’s a hidden talent.”

Some of the other guys are starting to arrive by now. I know that by the end of the hour, the parking lot of the school will be full of people sending well-wishes to the boys as they go. The school has rented three coach buses to take students to the game, and plenty more are going in their own cars.

Coach Taylor shows up too. “Boys,” he says with a gruff nod, “how are we feeling today?”

“Good, sir,” Nick answers promptly.

Coach notices me standing there too. “Hello, Miss Carter.”

“Hi Coach,” I say. “How are you?”

“Are you distracting my QB on the morning of the most important game of his life?” he asks instead of answering.

“No sir,” I say quickly. “I just came to say goodbye, like everyone else.”

“She just came an hour early,” Will mutters, and the guys snicker. Nick not-so-subtly gives him the finger.

Coach narrows his eyes at me, trying to size me up, and behind his back Nick imitates him, squinting at me with an over-exaggerated frown. I have to bite down on my tongue to keep from laughing. “All right,” he says finally. “Well, the bus should be here soon and we can get this show on the road. And don’t think I don’t know you’re mocking me back there, boy,” he says, turning on Nick, who puts on his best innocent face. “Just because you’re my QB doesn’t mean I won’t whoop your ass.”

“Me? Coach, I would never,” Nick says, pretending to be offended. “You know I have nothing but respect and adoration for you.” Coach Taylor rolls his eyes as the other boys laugh. I can tell that Nick is being extra goofy on purpose, trying to make his teammates feel at ease.

The bus pulls up not long after and everyone starts loading their things on. A huge crowd of people has also arrived, including the mayor. He shakes hands with Coach Taylor. “Good luck today, Dean,” he says. “We all have the utmost faith in you and your boys. We know you’ll get us that win.”

“Thank you, sir. I hope we won’t let you down,” Coach Taylor says. He’s smiling, but as soon as the mayor turns away I can tell he’s a little startled by the intensity of Mayor Harkins’ words. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that to this town, football is like a religion.

“Okay,” Coach Taylor says, checking his watch. “Let’s get moving, everybody.” Everybody begins to clap and cheer as the guys hug their families goodbye and wave to the crowd. It’s almost like being at the red carpet instead of a school parking lot.

“I guess I gotta go,” Nick says, and I see a flash of uneasiness in his eyes.

“Hey,” I say. “You’re gonna do great. I know you will. Go out there and kick some ass, okay?”

He nods, and I kiss him quickly before turning to Will and Brady, who are waiting for him. “Please make sure he eats something today,” I say, pointing at Nick. “And drinks plenty of water. And tries to get some sleep on the bus.”

“We will,” Brady promises, giving me a hug. “See you later, Jules.”

“Yeah, we’ll take good care of little Nicky-poo,” Will says with a smirk, ruffling my hair. Nick scowls as he follows them onto the bus.

“Good luck!” I call. With a groan the bus lurches forward and begins to drive away. Once it’s out of sight, silence stretches over the parking lot as everyone begins to go home. And thus begins the longest weekend of my life.

▲ ▼ ▲

When I get home, the house is quiet. Mom and James must’ve left for the diner already. I go up to my room and lay down in bed, trying to convince myself to go back to sleep. It’s seven o’clock on a Saturday morning. I shouldn’t be this wound up.

I doze for a few hours before I wake up again and decide it’s fruitless to try and fall back to sleep. I’m hungry, so I call Savannah.

“Hello?” she says groggily.

“Hey. Wanna get breakfast with me?”

“Now? Jules, it’s so early,” she complains.

“Dude, it’s ten o’clock.”

“Like I said. Early.”

“Please? I’ll buy. Whatever you want.”

“You get a discount anyway ‘cause it’s your mother, jerk,” she grumbles, but she sighs. “Fine. Give me a few minutes to get dressed.”

Twenty minutes later, we’re sitting in our favorite booth in the back of the diner, where no one (like Mom) can hear our conversations. “So, I take it you went to the send-off this morning?” Savannah asks, taking a long sip of her coffee.

“Yeah. I even went an hour early to see Nick.”

“Wow. You’re a good girlfriend. Brady asked me to come and I almost laughed in his face. Not that I’m his girlfriend, just — you know, I —” She pauses, getting flustered. “I refuse to wake up that early, no matter who it’s for.”

I grin. “Okay, whatever you say.” I think back on mine and Nick’s conversation this morning, and I feel my smile fade as I remember one crucial thing he said to me.

Savannah notices. “What’s wrong?”

“Well, I . . .” Now I feel my own face burning. “I brought Nick coffee and a sandwich this morning, and when I gave it to him he said . . . he said . . .” I swallow. “He said he loved me.”

Savannah’s eyes widen. “Oh shit. Really? Over coffee?”

“Yeah. He said ‘You’re a lifesaver, I love you, thanks.’”

“Wow. Did you say it back?”

“No,” I admit.

“No? Why not?”

“It happened so fast! I don’t even know if he realized he said it in the first place! He just . . . kept talking, and I let him.”

Savannah shakes her head. “Well, do you love him?”

“I — I don’t know. I think . . . I don’t know.”

“Well, how do you feel? Like, how did you feel when he said it?”

“Surprised, mostly,” I say. When she raises her eyebrows, I try to explain a little better. “Well, I mean, kind of amazed I guess. Because, like, it is amazing. You know? Because he’s just so . . . good. And funny, and, I don’t know. I just look at him and it’s like seeing the sun.” I’m fully aware of how cheesy that sounds but I don’t even really care. “And I just can’t believe that out of everyone in the whole world, he chose me. But I’m really, really happy he did.”

When I look up, Savannah is smiling at me. “Jules,” she says quietly, “it kinda sounds like you love him too.”

And then I realize that she’s right. “Yeah,” I say slowly. “Yeah.” I feel more confident now. “I do love him.” I blink at her. “Should I tell him?”

“Maybe not right now,” she says with a laugh. “He’s got a lot on his plate already. But when he gets back, definitely. Whether they win or lose the game it’ll make his day a lot better.”

“Okay,” I agree after some thought. I’m practically bursting to call him up and tell him right this second, but I know she’s right. Besides, Nick will be home tomorrow. I’ll have plenty of time to tell him then.

The diner gets more packed by the minute as people keep coming in to watch the game on our TV. Savannah and I aren’t about to let anyone steal our table, so we don’t even bother leaving and coming back later. “It doesn’t start for two more hours,” I say, annoyed. “Besides, doesn’t anybody have a TV of their own?”

Savannah shrugs. Mom is moving so fast she’s practically a blur, refilling coffee and taking orders and cleaning tables. “Mrs. C, do you need us to —” Morgan starts to ask. It’s all hands on deck here today: she, Georgia, Corey, and Mark are all here, putting food out as fast as they can.

Mom cuts her off before she can finish her sentence. “No, honey, I got it. You just go sit down, okay?” Morgan doesn’t look convinced, but obeys.

Of course, I know she’s doing all of this because she’s nervous. And I know this because she passed that trait down to me.

“I’ll be right back,” I say. I slide out of the booth and go behind the counter, where Mom is frantically making what appears to be three cups of coffee at once. “Mom,” I say, and apparently this startles her, because she jumps a mile and drops the cups.

I catch one before it hits the ground and she barely manages to snag the other two by their handles. Hot coffee hits the ground, but thankfully we’re both wearing sneakers. There’s a gasp from the entire diner, followed by a sigh of relief. No harm done. I hand the cup to her, raising my eyebrows.

“You need to relax,” I tell her.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please. You’re not the only one who flips out like this when they get nervous.” I pause before I say quietly, “Remember — remember what Dad used to say? When you and I would get freaked out at the same time?”

Mom pauses from where she’s refilling the coffee cups again. Her shoulders stiffen and for a second I think she’s going to yell, or worse, cry. But then she answers, “He said . . . he said we were worse than chickens with their heads cut off.” We finally meet eyes, and then we’re both laughing, harder than I think either of us have ever laughed in a long time.

We finally stop to catch our breaths, grinning at each other. “I guess I’m a little anxious,” she admits. I think anxious is an understatement, but merely nod. “I just . . . it all feels too familiar. You know?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I do. But no matter how it feels, it’s still different. And . . .” I hesitate. “I’m feeling pretty optimistic.”

Mom raises her eyebrows, surprised. “You went to the send-off today, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How was that?”

“It was . . .” I try to think of a word to describe it, to describe everything I felt and am feeling currently, but there really is none. So I just say, “Good. It was good.”

Mom smiles. “I’m glad.” She hands me two mugs of the coffee. “Here. For you and Savannah.”

“Thanks.” She kisses me on the forehead before I go back to the booth.

“Your mom okay?” Savannah asks, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee. I nod as my phone vibrates with a new text. It’s from Jase.

You gonna watch?

I type back, Yeah. You?

Yeah

It’s a day of firsts for many people, it seems.

Half an hour before the game starts, Mom switches on the TV and the entire place erupts into cheers as we watch the guys come out and start warming up. I spot Nick easily among the white and blue as he throws the ball around with Brady. Just because I can, I poke Savannah. “Hey.” I point to Nick on TV. “I love that guy.” She rolls her eyes, but I can see her suppressing a smile.

Finally, the clock hits one, and the captains from each team walk out to do the coin toss. The other team gets possession of the ball first, eliciting a groan from everyone here. Mom and James come sit with Savannah and I as the players line up on the field.

As everyone gets into position, Mom takes my hand and squeezes. “Ready?” she asks.

I keep my eyes on the TV, on Nick. “Yeah. Here we go.”

And the game starts.