I Guess I'll Never Get To Call You Mine

“He did it again,” I groaned. It was a hot afternoon after school, and my friend Jean-Sébastien and I are on our way to the corner shop to get ice cream before we go over to my house for band practice. “Who did what?” J.S. asked distractedly. He is studying this college biology textbook he’d found in a secondhand shop downtown. Ever since then he’s been blubbering about animal anatomy.
“Pierre,” I said impatiently. “He hooked up with another girl.” “So? He’s always with a girl.” “I heard he told her he loves her today.” “What’s wrong with that?” “He can’t mean it. She’s probably his third girlfriend in a month.” J.S. looked up from his book and seemed amused. “Why does it bother you so much?” he asked. I didn’t answer him immediately. “Have you ever told a girl you loved her?” “I told my mom plenty of times.” “I’m serious!” “Geez, calm down,” he grinned. “Yeah, I do. Why?” “Did you really mean it?” “I don’t know. Maybe. Does it matter?”
I frowned. “I guess. It’s supposed to be sacred, isn’t it? Those three little words?” “Come on, Chuck, since when did you turn into a hopeless romantic?” J.S. laughed. “Have you ever told a girl you loved her?” “No.” “Why not? I thought you’ve had girlfriends before.” “I know. I think they’re expecting me too, but I’m too embarrassed. Besides, those relationships aren’t serious. I’m…waiting for the right time I guess. The right person.” J.S. shook his head. “You’re a nutter,” he grinned. “Girls expect you to say stuff like that, dude. You know what, I think you practice saying those words today.” “You mean, to a girl?” “No to the guy.” He rolled his eyes. “Of course to a girl you moron! Duh!” “Well, with whom should we practice with?”
I knew the answer before J.S. can reply, and sure enough he’d motioned Aline to our direction. “Hey Al! Chuck had something to say to you,” he called. “Come over!” She dutifully walked up toward me, and before I knew I blurted out, “I love you” and then blushed. Argh why do I always make a fool of myself?
A look of confusion crossed Aline’s face, before her eyes finally lit up with amusement, as if she found the situation funny but endearing. She smiled, not a mocking smile, but truly genuine. “Um, thanks,” she grinned, looking a little embarrassed. “Love you too, bro.” I grinned back. “I thought you loved Harrison Ford.” “Nah, I love you more,” she laughed. “I thought you loved Katie Holmes.” I was grinning too, as if this is just some stupid joke that I pull on people all the time. Definitely nothing but a silly prank, I tried to convince myself as I laughed heartily away. “Well I definitely loved you more.” Nothing to be taken seriously at all.

I opened my eyes as the taxi carrying me to Ashley’s place came to an abrupt halt. I’ve dozed off on the long ride, and I’ve been having weird dreams again. Well, it’s not exactly a dream now that I think about it. It’s like my irrelevant childhood memories came back to haunt me in vivid detail. Gawd I need a therapist.
I shook the sleep out of my eyes, paid the driver, and got out of the car. The band is having another songwriting session today. Normally I’d be there, as Pierre and I formed the core of Simple Plan’s songwriting team, but Ashley had summoned me urgently to the townhouse she shared with her two friends. I accepted the invitation with some relief. I don’t feel like seeing anyone ever since that wearying incident at the St Lawrence River.
I knocked on the door and Ashley greeted me cheerfully with a kiss on the cheek. I let her hug me and breathed in her familiar scent of vanilla candles. “I’m so glad you’re here, Chuck,” she beamed. “Do come in, I made refreshments.” There is an assortment of muffins and cookies arranged on a platter in her dining room, but I knew they were store-bought. Ashley almost never cooked. I took a gingerbread man and mechanically bit off its head.
“How is everyone?” she asked, settling into the sofa next to me and looking concerned. “I heard there was some sort of accident you guys are involved in during a ferry ride to Longueuil. Something to do with Aline?” “Oh, it’s nothing. Everyone’s fine. Aline’s fine. David’s taking care of her.” Ashley’s eyes narrowed. “David Desrosiers? I see.” I nodded. “They’re spending a lot of time together nowadays.” I couldn’t keep the resentment out of tone but I couldn’t help it. Aline is my best friend, not David’s. OK sure we had a big fight but that doesn’t mean I can’t still feel possessive. I’ve known way longer than David.
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Ashley said encouragingly. “It’s not good for someone Aline’s age to be single all the time. She ought to mingle more, go out to clubs a bit.” “She used to date Seb,” I said flatly. What does she see in him anyway? All he ever talks about is robots and Darth Vader. “And she certainly does not go to clubs.” Ashley and I had gone clubbing before, of course, but there’s no way I’m letting Aline go into some building where there will be men looking at her as if she was something to eat.
“Well…yes…” Ashley looked uneasy. I attempted to smile. “I’m sorry, I’m a little off today,” I apologized. “What is it that you were going to tell me?” She immediately lit up, and took out some papers from her handbag and handed them to me. “I’ve been feeling sick in the morning for sometime, and when my periods stopped coming I’ve had my suspicions, so I went to the doctor’s today…and…and he confirmed what I already knew.”
I scanned through the papers and felt a strange feeling envelop me as I forced myself to look at her beaming face. “You’re pregnant,” I said hollowly. I know I ought to feel happy, to be ecstatic and joyful at the prospect of becoming a father. But instead I felt nothing, nothing at all except a growing sense of dread. “Yes! Pregnant!” Ashley clapped her hands in delight and wrapped her arms around me affectionately. “Can you believe it? We are going to have a baby together!”