I Guess I'll Never Get To Call You Mine
CHUCK
“You’re late,” Ashley chided as we met at the entrance of the courthouse. She is wearing a fabulous dress of white silk paired with six-inch silver stiletto heels, and is attended by her two friends Violet and Carol. I hadn’t had the heart to even ask any of my friends to be best man. Besides that text I sent them this morning not to disturb me today, I pretty much didn’t inform them about the wedding at all.
“Yes, I know, and I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I woke up late.” I didn’t tell her that I spent all last night wandering around town like a homeless person. “Well, that’s quite alright,” she smiled. “You’re here now and that’s all what matters.” She linked her arm to mine and we walked inside the wedding registrar’s office where a judge was ready with the marriage contract. It’s a very simple affair. All we had to do is sign the certificate and we’re done.
I watched as Violet and Carol took up their position as witnesses and autographed the piece of paper that would bind me, for better or for worse, to Ashley. My soon-to-wife signed her name next and handed me the pen with a smile. I was about to take it when my phone rang loudly, filling the room with the annoying Mission Impossible ringtone Jeff installed ages ago that I always meant to change but kept forgetting.
“Chuck, turn it off,” Ashley hissed. “You can answer it later.” “But it could be important,” I said. “It’ll only take a minute.” Truthfully, I just wanted to postpone signing my name a little longer. I know what I’m doing makes no sense, but I’ve not been making sense ever since my engagement anyway.
“Hello?” I said. “Good morning Mr. Comeau. This is Eugene Allard, from the Bank of Montréal. I hope I’m not disturbing.” “I, uh, oh well, go ahead.” “Unfortunately, it is my duty to inform you that your credit card has trespassed its limit and I am calling to ask how you’re intending to pay for it.” “Trespassed its limit? That’s impossible! I don’t even use that much. How much money are we talking about here?” “For starters, you owe us a hundred thousand dollars for a booked Caribbean cruise for your honeymoon. Then, for another ten thousand dollars, you commissioned Princess Diana’s designers to create your bride’s wedding dress—” “Wait, I paid for that? Ashley told me she’s buying her own dress. Also, there was never any mention of going to the Caribbean for our honeymoon!” I yelped.
“I’m very sorry, sir, but you owe us a grand total of two point five million dollars, and the bank intends for you to pay back immediately.” “I can’t afford two point five million dollars! Just take all the stuff she bought back and make her pay for it.” “Alright, I suggest you talk to her first then. I wish you a pleasant day.”
I switched off my phone and glared at her. “You stole my credit card to buy yourself a ten-thousand dollar wedding dress?” I shouted. “Dear, I wanted to look nice for you,” Ashley said, looking hurt. “Yes, but what do you take me for? Donald Trump? Screw you Ashley I don’t have that much money!” I threw the pen down to the ground. “Forget it! We’re not getting married. I need to get lawyer to sort out all this. Oh wait, I forgot. I’m in debt. I can’t afford a lawyer.” I rolled my eyes. “I should’ve listened to my friends and refuse to take you back after we broke up for the first time. I’ve learned my lesson now. Good bye, I hope to never see you again.” “But Chuck! What about the baby?”
I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned to face her. I’d completely forgotten the fact that she was pregnant. “Do you really want our child to grow up in a broken home? Her parents unmarried and fighting?” she said. “I always thought you were a man, Charles. What kind of man would abandon his own baby?” Damn she’s messing with me. Tears choked my eyes as I quickly snatched up the pen and signed my name. She’s right. I can’t back down out of this one. It looks like I am now officially married…and broke.
“Yes, I know, and I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I woke up late.” I didn’t tell her that I spent all last night wandering around town like a homeless person. “Well, that’s quite alright,” she smiled. “You’re here now and that’s all what matters.” She linked her arm to mine and we walked inside the wedding registrar’s office where a judge was ready with the marriage contract. It’s a very simple affair. All we had to do is sign the certificate and we’re done.
I watched as Violet and Carol took up their position as witnesses and autographed the piece of paper that would bind me, for better or for worse, to Ashley. My soon-to-wife signed her name next and handed me the pen with a smile. I was about to take it when my phone rang loudly, filling the room with the annoying Mission Impossible ringtone Jeff installed ages ago that I always meant to change but kept forgetting.
“Chuck, turn it off,” Ashley hissed. “You can answer it later.” “But it could be important,” I said. “It’ll only take a minute.” Truthfully, I just wanted to postpone signing my name a little longer. I know what I’m doing makes no sense, but I’ve not been making sense ever since my engagement anyway.
“Hello?” I said. “Good morning Mr. Comeau. This is Eugene Allard, from the Bank of Montréal. I hope I’m not disturbing.” “I, uh, oh well, go ahead.” “Unfortunately, it is my duty to inform you that your credit card has trespassed its limit and I am calling to ask how you’re intending to pay for it.” “Trespassed its limit? That’s impossible! I don’t even use that much. How much money are we talking about here?” “For starters, you owe us a hundred thousand dollars for a booked Caribbean cruise for your honeymoon. Then, for another ten thousand dollars, you commissioned Princess Diana’s designers to create your bride’s wedding dress—” “Wait, I paid for that? Ashley told me she’s buying her own dress. Also, there was never any mention of going to the Caribbean for our honeymoon!” I yelped.
“I’m very sorry, sir, but you owe us a grand total of two point five million dollars, and the bank intends for you to pay back immediately.” “I can’t afford two point five million dollars! Just take all the stuff she bought back and make her pay for it.” “Alright, I suggest you talk to her first then. I wish you a pleasant day.”
I switched off my phone and glared at her. “You stole my credit card to buy yourself a ten-thousand dollar wedding dress?” I shouted. “Dear, I wanted to look nice for you,” Ashley said, looking hurt. “Yes, but what do you take me for? Donald Trump? Screw you Ashley I don’t have that much money!” I threw the pen down to the ground. “Forget it! We’re not getting married. I need to get lawyer to sort out all this. Oh wait, I forgot. I’m in debt. I can’t afford a lawyer.” I rolled my eyes. “I should’ve listened to my friends and refuse to take you back after we broke up for the first time. I’ve learned my lesson now. Good bye, I hope to never see you again.” “But Chuck! What about the baby?”
I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned to face her. I’d completely forgotten the fact that she was pregnant. “Do you really want our child to grow up in a broken home? Her parents unmarried and fighting?” she said. “I always thought you were a man, Charles. What kind of man would abandon his own baby?” Damn she’s messing with me. Tears choked my eyes as I quickly snatched up the pen and signed my name. She’s right. I can’t back down out of this one. It looks like I am now officially married…and broke.