I Guess I'll Never Get To Call You Mine
ALINE
Today I went to visit Chuck again. Jeff, Seb, Pierre, David, my brothers and I took it in turns to take him out and show him various photo albums, video clips and song recordings to help jog his memory. I know Chuck had thought it would be just him and me at first, but I convinced him to take the other guys on. It wouldn’t be fair to keep them out, and besides, I don’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of the situation to have fun with Charles instead of actually helping him. I am helping him of course but over the past few weeks our regular backyard sessions sometimes turned into more adventurous expeditions, like going out for ice cream, window-shopping in St Catherine’s, a walk in Parc Jean-Drapeau. Little things like that. Chuck and I hadn’t hung out much since we both started working professionally as musicians, so I was more than happy to make up for the lost time.
“Hey Aline!” I looked up to see him already waiting for me by the gate. He sure looked happy, even though we haven’t quite managed to help him get his memories back. He looked happier than he was before his accident though. The dark circles under his eyes had disappeared, and he looked fit and tan in his close-fitting green shirt, the sleeves tight against his biceps. He’s handsome, I thought with mild surprise. He did not look at all like the skinny little boy that I remembered, although he still had the same easy smile that I remembered, and the same strange dark green eyes, which looked brown if you don’t look closely enough.
“Hey Charles,” I said, smiling pleasantly. “Are you ready?” “Always am,” he grinned. “Where are we going today?” “A place I know,” I said mysteriously. “You’ll see.” “It’s not a strip club isn’t it?” he joked, falling in step beside me. I laughed and pulled away, walking a little more to the side, keeping a respectful distance between us without making him feel awkward. I find myself holding him at an arm’s length often nowadays, telling myself that Chuck is now a married man now, and he has kindly overlooked the fact that he is hanging out alone with a girl who is not his wife, so I’d better be the responsible one to try and keep things appropriate and in the friend level. But sometimes, it feels like I’m keeping my distance because I am afraid to get close to him. Or, rather, what would happen if I tried to reconnect with him.
“Here we are,” I said proudly. “Best Italian restaurant in Montréal.” “Um, sorry to break your bubble, but the sign said it’s closed.” “I know, but an acquaintance of mine agreed to let me book a private reservation for the day.” I winked and I rapped smartly on the entrance door.
A stocky fair-haired man in his fifties answered, his pale blue eyes widening as he registered my face. “Aline Young!” he said delightedly. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, my girl! So very delighted to receive your phone call last night.” I giggled and let him kiss me on both cheeks. “I miss you too, Jerry,” I grinned. “Thanks for doing this.” “Of course! Anything for my best girl.” He looked behind me and beamed. “And you’ve brought Charles! Ah, I remember when you two are the greatest of friends. Still going on strong, eh? Very nice, very nice, do come in. I have a table ready for you.”
He led us to the back of the restaurant, where an acoustic guitar was propped up against a table set for two. Chuck turned to smile at me. “We used to go here a lot as kids?” he guessed. “You were the one who introduced me to this place, actually.” I sat down and picked up the guitar. “Ready for another song session?” I said. “Aren’t we going to order first?” Chuck laughed. He reached to examine the silver candlestick in front of him. Although it was in the middle of the afternoon, the lighting wasn’t very bright so Jerry had lit a candle. “No need to order, I’ve got a plate of spaghetti in the oven coming up,” Jerry assured him, cheerfully placing a basket of breadsticks on the table. “Enjoy.”
“That guy is cool.” “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. Had a soft spot for young people,” I laughed. “He likes it whenever we visit.” “I see.” Chuck looked thoughtful. “So what song are we doing today?” “Well, Jeff told me you finished No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls already. Should we move on to Still Not Getting Any?” “Tell me again who on Earth named those albums? They sound kind of…cheesy.” “Speak for yourself. I’m pretty sure you came up with them.” “Do I?” he smiled. “Okay then, second album, fire away. Which song would you like to do?”
I hesitated. “There’s a lot of good ones, but there’s one that always sticks out in my mind.” He nodded slowly. “Let’s hear that.” I strummed a few chords, warming up, before closing my eyes and began to sing softly, “It was three AM, when you woke me up, and we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go…just to get away…”
“What are you doing here anyway, Al? Aren’t you supposed to leave for Ottawa tomorrow?” He checked the clock on his dresser. “Oh wow is it morning already? I mean, aren’t you leaving today?” “Insomnia,” I sighed. “The thought of having to leave all of you guys kept me from sleeping.” He stayed quiet for a moment. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“We talked about our lives until the sun came up, and now I’m thinking about how I wish I could go back…just for one more day…one more day with you…”
He spent the whole time trying to make me laugh, obviously still trying to cheer me up on the prospect of my inevitable move even though I knew he’s got his own problems.
“Every time I see your face, every time you look my way. It's like it all falls into place, everything feels right. Ever since you walked away, you left my life in disarray. All I want is one more day. It's all I need: one more day with you.” I continued singing, barely registering the fact that Chuck’s expression had changed and he is now staring at me like a blind man looking at an ocean sunset for the first time, hardly noticing that Jerry had stopped bustling about in the kitchen to peek at the doorway to listen.
“Hey!” I giggled. “No fair! Get your hands off, dude.” “You have to promise to keep your eyes closed first,” he teased. “Okay, okay,” I smiled, feeling the pressure on my face lighten. I felt something light and cool on my chest and Chuck’s fingers gently brushing my long hair away as he fumbled with something at the back of my neck. “You can open your eyes now,” he said proudly.
“Now I'm sittin’ here, like we used to do, I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do…just for one more day…one more day with you…” I suddenly realized that I was holding back tears, but I managed to sing through the verse and until the very last line, “You walked away…just one more day…it’s all I need, just one more day with you…”
I gently put the guitar down and stared at my lap, hardly daring to look up in case I started crying for some unknown reason. Finally, I heard Chuck softly saying, “I wrote that song, didn’t I?” I forced myself to look up and attempted a smile. “You did,” I said, sniffling a little. “It’s a beautiful song, I’m sorry, got a bit a emotional…” I reached for my bag for a tissue, but before I can do so, Chuck suddenly took my hand in his, his warm fingers gently enclosing mine.
I stared at him, my heart pounding, not even daring to wipe the tear that was now falling across my cheek. With extreme gentleness, Chuck reached out with his other hand to wipe it away, his thumb leaving a tingling sensation against my cheekbone. I could feel myself turning red, but made no movement to stop him.
He still hadn’t said anything, but reached out to draw my hair over one shoulder, tugging at them gently. “You used to wear your hair in plaits,” he said quietly. I smiled a little. “And you used to enjoy pulling at them.” “Aline…” My name was just a whisper in his throat, and suddenly he was so close to me that I could count the individual eyelashes that framed his lovely green eyes…
“I’m sorry.” I stood up and drew away, trembling a little. Charles gaped at me, stunned, and unable to hide the surprise and hurt in his face. “I have to go,” I said quickly. “I’ll get Pierre or Seb or someone to continue another session—” “Aline, if there’s something I did that offended you—” “No, no it’s not you,” I said helplessly, gathering my things into my bag. “I just really need to go right now.” “Tell me what I’ve done.” He is standing up now, looking lost and silently pleading with his eyes. I just shook my head and turned toward the door, where Jerry stood blocking my way with a peculiar expression on his face.
“Jer, please,” I said distraughtly. He looked at me for a few silent seconds before nodding mutely and opened the door. I rushed out in gratitude, not bothering to check if Chuck is following me. For one brief moment there, whether it was my mind playing tricks on me, I was sure Chuck was going to…I dialed for a taxi and shut my eyes tightly. No, it’s better not to think about it right now.
“Hey Aline!” I looked up to see him already waiting for me by the gate. He sure looked happy, even though we haven’t quite managed to help him get his memories back. He looked happier than he was before his accident though. The dark circles under his eyes had disappeared, and he looked fit and tan in his close-fitting green shirt, the sleeves tight against his biceps. He’s handsome, I thought with mild surprise. He did not look at all like the skinny little boy that I remembered, although he still had the same easy smile that I remembered, and the same strange dark green eyes, which looked brown if you don’t look closely enough.
“Hey Charles,” I said, smiling pleasantly. “Are you ready?” “Always am,” he grinned. “Where are we going today?” “A place I know,” I said mysteriously. “You’ll see.” “It’s not a strip club isn’t it?” he joked, falling in step beside me. I laughed and pulled away, walking a little more to the side, keeping a respectful distance between us without making him feel awkward. I find myself holding him at an arm’s length often nowadays, telling myself that Chuck is now a married man now, and he has kindly overlooked the fact that he is hanging out alone with a girl who is not his wife, so I’d better be the responsible one to try and keep things appropriate and in the friend level. But sometimes, it feels like I’m keeping my distance because I am afraid to get close to him. Or, rather, what would happen if I tried to reconnect with him.
“Here we are,” I said proudly. “Best Italian restaurant in Montréal.” “Um, sorry to break your bubble, but the sign said it’s closed.” “I know, but an acquaintance of mine agreed to let me book a private reservation for the day.” I winked and I rapped smartly on the entrance door.
A stocky fair-haired man in his fifties answered, his pale blue eyes widening as he registered my face. “Aline Young!” he said delightedly. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, my girl! So very delighted to receive your phone call last night.” I giggled and let him kiss me on both cheeks. “I miss you too, Jerry,” I grinned. “Thanks for doing this.” “Of course! Anything for my best girl.” He looked behind me and beamed. “And you’ve brought Charles! Ah, I remember when you two are the greatest of friends. Still going on strong, eh? Very nice, very nice, do come in. I have a table ready for you.”
He led us to the back of the restaurant, where an acoustic guitar was propped up against a table set for two. Chuck turned to smile at me. “We used to go here a lot as kids?” he guessed. “You were the one who introduced me to this place, actually.” I sat down and picked up the guitar. “Ready for another song session?” I said. “Aren’t we going to order first?” Chuck laughed. He reached to examine the silver candlestick in front of him. Although it was in the middle of the afternoon, the lighting wasn’t very bright so Jerry had lit a candle. “No need to order, I’ve got a plate of spaghetti in the oven coming up,” Jerry assured him, cheerfully placing a basket of breadsticks on the table. “Enjoy.”
“That guy is cool.” “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. Had a soft spot for young people,” I laughed. “He likes it whenever we visit.” “I see.” Chuck looked thoughtful. “So what song are we doing today?” “Well, Jeff told me you finished No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls already. Should we move on to Still Not Getting Any?” “Tell me again who on Earth named those albums? They sound kind of…cheesy.” “Speak for yourself. I’m pretty sure you came up with them.” “Do I?” he smiled. “Okay then, second album, fire away. Which song would you like to do?”
I hesitated. “There’s a lot of good ones, but there’s one that always sticks out in my mind.” He nodded slowly. “Let’s hear that.” I strummed a few chords, warming up, before closing my eyes and began to sing softly, “It was three AM, when you woke me up, and we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go…just to get away…”
“What are you doing here anyway, Al? Aren’t you supposed to leave for Ottawa tomorrow?” He checked the clock on his dresser. “Oh wow is it morning already? I mean, aren’t you leaving today?” “Insomnia,” I sighed. “The thought of having to leave all of you guys kept me from sleeping.” He stayed quiet for a moment. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“We talked about our lives until the sun came up, and now I’m thinking about how I wish I could go back…just for one more day…one more day with you…”
He spent the whole time trying to make me laugh, obviously still trying to cheer me up on the prospect of my inevitable move even though I knew he’s got his own problems.
“Every time I see your face, every time you look my way. It's like it all falls into place, everything feels right. Ever since you walked away, you left my life in disarray. All I want is one more day. It's all I need: one more day with you.” I continued singing, barely registering the fact that Chuck’s expression had changed and he is now staring at me like a blind man looking at an ocean sunset for the first time, hardly noticing that Jerry had stopped bustling about in the kitchen to peek at the doorway to listen.
“Hey!” I giggled. “No fair! Get your hands off, dude.” “You have to promise to keep your eyes closed first,” he teased. “Okay, okay,” I smiled, feeling the pressure on my face lighten. I felt something light and cool on my chest and Chuck’s fingers gently brushing my long hair away as he fumbled with something at the back of my neck. “You can open your eyes now,” he said proudly.
“Now I'm sittin’ here, like we used to do, I think about my life and how now there's nothing I won't do…just for one more day…one more day with you…” I suddenly realized that I was holding back tears, but I managed to sing through the verse and until the very last line, “You walked away…just one more day…it’s all I need, just one more day with you…”
I gently put the guitar down and stared at my lap, hardly daring to look up in case I started crying for some unknown reason. Finally, I heard Chuck softly saying, “I wrote that song, didn’t I?” I forced myself to look up and attempted a smile. “You did,” I said, sniffling a little. “It’s a beautiful song, I’m sorry, got a bit a emotional…” I reached for my bag for a tissue, but before I can do so, Chuck suddenly took my hand in his, his warm fingers gently enclosing mine.
I stared at him, my heart pounding, not even daring to wipe the tear that was now falling across my cheek. With extreme gentleness, Chuck reached out with his other hand to wipe it away, his thumb leaving a tingling sensation against my cheekbone. I could feel myself turning red, but made no movement to stop him.
He still hadn’t said anything, but reached out to draw my hair over one shoulder, tugging at them gently. “You used to wear your hair in plaits,” he said quietly. I smiled a little. “And you used to enjoy pulling at them.” “Aline…” My name was just a whisper in his throat, and suddenly he was so close to me that I could count the individual eyelashes that framed his lovely green eyes…
“I’m sorry.” I stood up and drew away, trembling a little. Charles gaped at me, stunned, and unable to hide the surprise and hurt in his face. “I have to go,” I said quickly. “I’ll get Pierre or Seb or someone to continue another session—” “Aline, if there’s something I did that offended you—” “No, no it’s not you,” I said helplessly, gathering my things into my bag. “I just really need to go right now.” “Tell me what I’ve done.” He is standing up now, looking lost and silently pleading with his eyes. I just shook my head and turned toward the door, where Jerry stood blocking my way with a peculiar expression on his face.
“Jer, please,” I said distraughtly. He looked at me for a few silent seconds before nodding mutely and opened the door. I rushed out in gratitude, not bothering to check if Chuck is following me. For one brief moment there, whether it was my mind playing tricks on me, I was sure Chuck was going to…I dialed for a taxi and shut my eyes tightly. No, it’s better not to think about it right now.