I Guess I'll Never Get To Call You Mine
ASHLEY
I came to see Chuck down on his knees on the living room floor, photos and scattered music albums scattered all around him. He had the look of a desperate man who’s been prisoned for a long time. I hesitated on approaching him, but it is he who addressed me first, his eyes full of sorrowful grief. “Why Ash?” he said. “Why did you lie to me?” His tone was more sad than angry, and I suddenly had a feeling that he knew, that he remembered everything that had happened up to him before that fateful accident.
I sighed and sat down on the floor next to him. “I didn’t want to lose you,” I said honestly. “I admit that at first it was only your money I cared about, but in time I grew to love you.” He looked at me, his eyes full of pain. “I appreciate what you’ve done to me in helping me physically recover from my accident, but you out of all people should’ve known that we weren’t meant to be together. This was never going to work. I should have taken you back after we first broke up.” It hurts hearing those words from his mouth, but I could hardly blame him. I wasn’t exactly the ideal girlfriend. Thanks to me, Chuck is now stuck in a marriage he does not even want in the first place. I love him, but what good is it to me if he is unhappy? I know now that he could never love me back.
“I know,” I said quietly. “That’s why we should get a divorce.” He looked up, startled. “What?” “Me and you,” I said. “We were undergoing a process of separation before your accident. I placed it on hold when you lost your memory. I still have all the papers. All you have to do is sign it and we can pretend that the wedding never happened.” “Ash, I—”
I placed a hand on his chest. “Charles, we may not have the best of times together but there are memories that I cherish. You’re right, we were never meant to be together. You’re always meant for…for someone else.” He looked at me, his eyes widening. I smiled sadly. “Of course I know who she is, Chuck. I’m not blind. Every time I see the way you look at her, I can’t help but wish someone would look at me like that.”
For the first time in days, Chuck smiled at me, a real smile this time. “You’re a changed woman now, Ash,” he said. “I had loved you once, and although things may not turn out to be the way we wanted it to be, I don’t regret one moment of it. Perhaps if it weren’t for you…intervention, I would never realize that I—” He looked at me resignedly. “Gawd, I’m such a screw-up. I attempted something stupid today and I think she must really hate me right now.” “Don’t be silly, Charles. Why would she?” I said firmly. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, but I do know one thing: you really are the sweetest man alive.”
I went to bed really late that night. Chuck is sleeping on the couch, so for the first time in years I had a bedroom all to myself. I changed into a nightgown and sat on the bed, staring at the window across me for a long time. Finally I dared myself to dial the phone, telling myself it’s too late to turn back now.
“Hello?” a voice answered, so overwhelmingly familiar that I began to feel tears slip from underneath my lids. “How may I help you?” “J.S.?” I whispered. “It’s me, Ashley. I wanted to apologize…”
I sighed and sat down on the floor next to him. “I didn’t want to lose you,” I said honestly. “I admit that at first it was only your money I cared about, but in time I grew to love you.” He looked at me, his eyes full of pain. “I appreciate what you’ve done to me in helping me physically recover from my accident, but you out of all people should’ve known that we weren’t meant to be together. This was never going to work. I should have taken you back after we first broke up.” It hurts hearing those words from his mouth, but I could hardly blame him. I wasn’t exactly the ideal girlfriend. Thanks to me, Chuck is now stuck in a marriage he does not even want in the first place. I love him, but what good is it to me if he is unhappy? I know now that he could never love me back.
“I know,” I said quietly. “That’s why we should get a divorce.” He looked up, startled. “What?” “Me and you,” I said. “We were undergoing a process of separation before your accident. I placed it on hold when you lost your memory. I still have all the papers. All you have to do is sign it and we can pretend that the wedding never happened.” “Ash, I—”
I placed a hand on his chest. “Charles, we may not have the best of times together but there are memories that I cherish. You’re right, we were never meant to be together. You’re always meant for…for someone else.” He looked at me, his eyes widening. I smiled sadly. “Of course I know who she is, Chuck. I’m not blind. Every time I see the way you look at her, I can’t help but wish someone would look at me like that.”
For the first time in days, Chuck smiled at me, a real smile this time. “You’re a changed woman now, Ash,” he said. “I had loved you once, and although things may not turn out to be the way we wanted it to be, I don’t regret one moment of it. Perhaps if it weren’t for you…intervention, I would never realize that I—” He looked at me resignedly. “Gawd, I’m such a screw-up. I attempted something stupid today and I think she must really hate me right now.” “Don’t be silly, Charles. Why would she?” I said firmly. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, but I do know one thing: you really are the sweetest man alive.”
I went to bed really late that night. Chuck is sleeping on the couch, so for the first time in years I had a bedroom all to myself. I changed into a nightgown and sat on the bed, staring at the window across me for a long time. Finally I dared myself to dial the phone, telling myself it’s too late to turn back now.
“Hello?” a voice answered, so overwhelmingly familiar that I began to feel tears slip from underneath my lids. “How may I help you?” “J.S.?” I whispered. “It’s me, Ashley. I wanted to apologize…”