Status: One shot
L'appel Du Vide
1/1
I never asked for this. I never wanted it; or at least, I never thought I would. But, it was not 20 seconds ago when I got the uncontrollable urge. And, I just, did it. I can’t come to understand why I-completely out of the blue-wanted it. But at the same time, I can’t come to regret it. I’ve never felt so free, yet at the same time I’ve never felt so insignificant. My entire life has been building up to what? To death, to complete enlightenment, to just, complete and total obliteration?
The end of my life will certainly affect those I was close to. It will affect my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, my fans; but for how long? My parents are old, and they’ll be gone eventually too. My mother will most likely cry. She might spend the rest of her numbered days heartbroken, but her days are just that: numbered. My friends-Zack and Rian-they won’t understand, but that’s expected, I don’t even understand. Their lives might never be the same without me, but they’ll eventually die as well. And Alex, the story isn’t much different. He’ll spend months-maybe even years-sleeping alone, blaming himself for not looking after me. But he’ll move on, he’ll find someone else to make him happy. Even if he doesn’t forget me; he’ll replace me, and eventually he’ll die alongside of my memory.
The fans. I’d be wrong to think it’ll be different. Yes, I might’ve made an effect on their lives-and it might even be lasting-it won’t last after they die. Maybe the music I’ve made will be listened to for years to come. But there will always be other, new bands that are-in every sense of the word- better than All Time Low had the potential to be. Maybe the fans will try to share our music with their children, or maybe even grandchildren, but the most likely outcome will be the child completely disregarding us and listening to whatever it is that brings them joy. They can’t be blamed for that though, that’s what I’d do if my parents forced their music tastes on me. So eventually the relevance of me as a guitar player will diminish to nothing.
I was always blissfully unaware of my own fate. I lived my life as anyone else. I enjoyed spending time with those important to me. I did only what made me happy, while avoiding things that didn’t. I did all I could to preserve not only my own existence, but also the existence of those around me. But for what? I am going to die. Death is the only thing in life that can be guaranteed. I had always over estimated my own relevance. I always thought that as long as my family supported me, as long as my friends were there to have fun with, as long as my band made a difference, or as long as Alex loved me back, I was important. But that’s all empty words and values.
When everyone I’ve come in contact with is dead, my memory will be too. And now, as I’m free falling from the top of a 20 story building, I’m realizing that I, Jack Barakat, am completely and totally irrelevant.
I don’t know what caused me to fling myself off of this building, but I can’t say that I regret it. Human life in general is meaningless. We live to please ourselves-or more than often, others. But in the end, none of it matters. We live our empty lives until we grow old, having really accomplished nothing. Until, oops, you’re dead. And then-
Complete and total nothingness.
The end of my life will certainly affect those I was close to. It will affect my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, my fans; but for how long? My parents are old, and they’ll be gone eventually too. My mother will most likely cry. She might spend the rest of her numbered days heartbroken, but her days are just that: numbered. My friends-Zack and Rian-they won’t understand, but that’s expected, I don’t even understand. Their lives might never be the same without me, but they’ll eventually die as well. And Alex, the story isn’t much different. He’ll spend months-maybe even years-sleeping alone, blaming himself for not looking after me. But he’ll move on, he’ll find someone else to make him happy. Even if he doesn’t forget me; he’ll replace me, and eventually he’ll die alongside of my memory.
The fans. I’d be wrong to think it’ll be different. Yes, I might’ve made an effect on their lives-and it might even be lasting-it won’t last after they die. Maybe the music I’ve made will be listened to for years to come. But there will always be other, new bands that are-in every sense of the word- better than All Time Low had the potential to be. Maybe the fans will try to share our music with their children, or maybe even grandchildren, but the most likely outcome will be the child completely disregarding us and listening to whatever it is that brings them joy. They can’t be blamed for that though, that’s what I’d do if my parents forced their music tastes on me. So eventually the relevance of me as a guitar player will diminish to nothing.
I was always blissfully unaware of my own fate. I lived my life as anyone else. I enjoyed spending time with those important to me. I did only what made me happy, while avoiding things that didn’t. I did all I could to preserve not only my own existence, but also the existence of those around me. But for what? I am going to die. Death is the only thing in life that can be guaranteed. I had always over estimated my own relevance. I always thought that as long as my family supported me, as long as my friends were there to have fun with, as long as my band made a difference, or as long as Alex loved me back, I was important. But that’s all empty words and values.
When everyone I’ve come in contact with is dead, my memory will be too. And now, as I’m free falling from the top of a 20 story building, I’m realizing that I, Jack Barakat, am completely and totally irrelevant.
I don’t know what caused me to fling myself off of this building, but I can’t say that I regret it. Human life in general is meaningless. We live to please ourselves-or more than often, others. But in the end, none of it matters. We live our empty lives until we grow old, having really accomplished nothing. Until, oops, you’re dead. And then-
Complete and total nothingness.
♠ ♠ ♠
What have I done? I don't know anymore. Sometimes my thoughts concern me.