A New Beginning

I sat in my mom’s shiny, candy-apple red SUV. Thick silence filled the air during the whole ride from the airport to our new house. They only time she even glanced at me was to make sure I had my brand new hearing aids in. My father was driving behind us in his truck with a trailer attached to it full of our furniture from the old house.

We turned into a small, blacktop driveway. I moved my eyes from the window to windshield. I stared at the gorgeous grey and white house. The house was much bigger than our little bungalow in Florida. It was new and fresh looking. I immediately hopped out of the SUV to get a better look. There was a small garden full of blooming roses that complemented the bright red door.

My mother’s soft, gentile hand taped me on the shoulder and I turned to look at her.

“You, like?” She signed in American Sign Language and spoke at the same time. I could feel the vibration of her voice. Now that I was older, I had mastered lip reading and speaking.

I nodded quickly in reply, not bothering to use words. Quickly, my eyes flickered from my mother to my father who was attempting to carry three boxes at once. I grinned and plucked two boxes out of his hand while my mother unlocked the red door and pushed it open so I could walk inside.

The only word that popped in my head was gorgeous. Dark, oak hardwood floors traveled throughout the entire first floor. A large staircase lead up to the second floor where all the bedrooms and one bathroom were laid out.

My entire day consisted of carrying boxes and lifting furniture while my mother pieced together each and every room, except my bedroom of course. When everything was in the house, I traveled up the stairs and into my decently sized room. My mother already put my sheets and comforter on my bed so I didn’t have to worry about that. Instead, I moved my desk and bookcases near the window. I kicked over dusty, weathered boxes towards the old, rustically charmed bookcase so I could unload and place all my books on the bookshelf.

Carefully, I picked up a few books and started placing them on the bookcase. The yellow, aging pages crinkled as I flipped through them. I had always been fascinated with literature. Since I couldn’t you my ears, I chose to use my eyes. Using books, I fantasize myself anyway doing anything. I could be saving the pretty girl, traveling the world, or become a celebrity inside my mind. Yet, in real life, I didn’t have the self-esteem or courage to look anyone in the eye.

While staking my books, the smell of burnt chicken filled my nostrils and I knew my mother was making dinner. She never was an excellent cook, but my father and I always tried to clean our plates just to put a smile on her face.

While practically inhaling my food, I looked at my father.

“What time is school?” I signed.

He set his fork down and forcefully swallowed the charcoaled chicken. He simply gave me the number six and continued to eat. My mother offered me dessert, but I rejected her offer. A twisted, sick feeling began to enter my stomach. My social anxiety was getting the best of me. Was I really prepared? I mean, my parents and I had already bought all my binders and folders for classes… But, how was I going to fit in? Would anyone even bother talking to me?

I took a deep, shaky breath and started walking up the grand staircase and up to my room. I swapped my clothes for a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. While ignoring the pile of boxes in the corner, I walked out of my room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. The nervous thoughts about my new school started creeping back, but I quickly pushed them far back inside my brain.

This is a fresh start, I kept telling myself, everything will be fine.

My mom walked passed me and asked if I was alright. I shrugged instead of signing with my hands or speaking.

She kissed me on my forehead and stepped back. Then, she signed the words, “I love you, no worries about tomorrow,” and then walked into her master bedroom to sleep while my father sat down stairs and continued to unpack.

I finished brushing my teeth and stared at myself in the mirror. My fringy, sandy blonde hair was a complete mess at the moment. My skin was clear, and my teeth were white. At least I didn’t have to worry about looking bad, right? I thought people were supposed to look past how attractive you were or if you had a small difference to see what people were really like despite what was wrong with you. I was judged as “different” simply due to the fact that I couldn’t hear, and I didn’t find that right.

~~~~~~~~~~

I opened my eyes to find my mother shaking me awake. Her chocolate colored hair was messy and tangles and she was still dressed in her pajamas. I assumed she had just woke up. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. She smiled at me

“Good morning!” She signed and moved her lips at the same time.

I signed “Good morning,” and crawled out of bed. My mother explained that my father was making breakfast and she was going to get ready so she could take me to school. She walked out of my bedroom and shut my door.

While walking over to my closet, every nervous thought exploded in my brain. Oh God, I wasn’t prepared for something like this. What if no one understood me? For years, I worked extremely hard trying to perfect my speech. I guess my voice just sounded like I had a cold, at least that’s what my speech therapist told me.

For my first day at my new school, I dressed in jeans, a Florida Gators t-shirt, and my black leather jacket. I slipped my grey bag over my shoulders and started heading downstairs. The smell of pancake batter and bacon scented the air.

My father had me sit at the kitchen table while I ate my breakfast as he gave me a lecture about public high schools and how things would probably be much different than a private school. If anyone was to judge me based on my disability, I should brush it off and keep muddling through the day.

Everything he said just made my stomach twist. I knew his intentions were good, but every word he said made me more and more nervous.

My mom came down the stairs dressed casually with her car keys in hand. I quickly stood up from the table and walked with my mom. My legs felt like Jell-O, but I ignored it so I wouldn’t freak out my mom.

We hoped inside her SUV and she started driving towards the school. My heart was pounding quickly inside my chest. I wondered if my mom could hear it or sense my nervousness, but instead she kept driving without saying a word.

Almost ten minutes went by and the large, two story school was in sight. Students flooded around the campus chatting and laughing. I wanted to be one of them. That’s been my goal forever.

My mom tapped me on the shoulder gently. “Don’t be nervous,” she signed, “try and make friends!” I nodded and she kissed me on the forehead. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. God, I hope no one saw that.

I quickly stepped out of the SUV to scan my surroundings. Public school was like some kind of jungle. Students ran around without a care in the world. I walked through the crowd of students and stayed put in my shell of shyness.

This was going to be a long day.