Self Destruction Is Such a Pretty Little Thing

We arrived at James and his friends house a little over an hour later. The house was smaller then I expected, for five boys to be living in. Including me now, was 6. I couldn't imagine how they all didn't sufficate and die in there. I didn't want to be rude, so I smiled and nodded. Thats what I had learned to do around my parents before they sent me away.

"Welcome to your destination; hell," Sam unbuckled and leaned forward towards me. I chuckled and unbuckled my seat. James and Sam ran around to the back of the car and grabbed my baggage.

I climbed out of the car, and took one of the smaller bags from Jolle. "I'll show you where you're sleeping," James smiled and through the strap of my lap top bag over his shoulder. Sam looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Once we figure that out," He laughed.

"It's fine. I can take the couch if you want me to. I don't really care," I wrote, trying to be polite.

"I don't know if you'll want the couch, but there's a foldout bed at the end of it." Sam chuckled with James as we headed up the steps to the house.

"We'll see when we get inside. Meanwhile, you can keep your crap in the den. We'll figure out sleeping arangments when we're all together," James nodded to me.

"Are the other guys okay with me staying here?" I wrote quickly before they could open the door.

"Well they don't know yet, but I'm sure they won't care. Only me and Sam really knew you were coming. I sort of forgot to mention it to Danny, Cameron and Ben." James laughed and leaned against the door. Jolle laughed, and turned away to open the door. Inside was a little messy.

The door opened into a small den, where James and Sam dropped my belongings. I dropped what I was holding as well, onto the couch. I looked around and saw that the kitchen and dining area was right on the other side of the house, near this small den. The kitchen was somewhat small with tile floor. The floor in the den was carpeted. Nothing was special, but I guess it's better then being shunned by Mum, Dad, Monika and Henry.

"Home!" James yelled at the top of his lungs and raised his arms in the air. I flinched a little at his yell.

"Where'd you go you fuckin' wanker?!" I heard a yell from down the hall. Whoever had yelled, had an accent as well. I giggled at what they'd called my cousin.

"Get in here you fuckers!" Sam yelled as well, and sat on a loveseat.

"Danny is drunk!" Another voice called. He had a stronger accent, but not as strong as James's.

"What's new?" The first boy laughed. Whoever this one was, had a very adorable laugh.

"Just get in here," James called, rolling his eyes and laughing. He took a seat in a bar stool next to an island in the kitchen, very close to the den. I decided it'd be best if i took a seat beside my bag, on the couch.

Three more boys filed in. The first looked drunk (assuming this is Danny). He had a scruffy beard and light brown/blond hair. He was wearing a black beanie, black sweatshirt, and grey tee with a band name I didn't recognize on it. He smelled of beer all the way from the couch. He looked at me a little shocked.

The second had long dirty blonde/brown hair and very pretty eyes. I think they're a beautiful blue. He was wearing a ripped and torn jean vest with dark colored skinny jeans, and a black torn tank top, with another band name I didn't recognize. He had a black snapback on and a silver ring on his nose. His hair was messy and tangled. He was really cute. He looked at me, then too James.

"Groupie?" This was the first boy. I sat quietly and awkwardly. Danny had frozen, but rocked a little drunkenly.

"No, cousie," James corrected him with a laugh and the boy looked confused.

The next boy scrambled in and rushed to Danny's side whilst laughing. He had long brown hair and was wearing a white tee and sweat pants. He turned right to James without regarding me or Sam.

"Why...?" The first boy started.

"This is my cousin Lucy, she's going to stay with us. Lucy, this is Ben," He pointed to the cute boy. "This is Cameron," He motioned to the one who'd been laughing. Cameron turned quickly and looked at me. "And this is Danny," Danny waved.

"Hi." I wrote shyly. I really wasn't that great around guys.

Ben laughed and came closer to me. "How old are you?" He asked.

"I'm eighteen," I wrote, saying that I was 18. I could tell he was English from his accent.

"I'm 25. Why're you staying here?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

I looked down at my board to write. "My family doesn't want me in England or with them right now. They needed a break from me, and they think America will give me a life," I wrote awkwardly then looked up at Ben. I started to laugh when I saw him face. He had given me a strange expression, that had made me laugh, even though I was trying to be serious. His eyes were sort of bugging out of his face and his lips were sort of pursed.

"What's so funny?" He chuckled and knelt down.

I wrote below my original message. "You made a strange face," I laughed. He made the face again and laughed. Then he went back to read the message before that one.

"Well I think you'll like it here. We're all going to be great mates," He smiled.

"You don't have to treat me like a little kid guys, I'm eighteen. I can handle myself," I wrote this message to them all. They all read it when I held it up.

"So I can swear?" Danny asked, with a beer in hand.

"Fuck yeah," I wrote with a chuckle.

"Fuck! Cunt!" Danny screamed.

Ben stood and yelled too. "Shit! Ass! Honestly, I would've sworn either way,"

"I'm not partaking in this," Cameron shook his head and chuckled.

"Well guys, where's Lucy going to sleep?" James asked, changing the subject.

"She can share the couch. There's a fold out part, so she can take that and I'll sleep on the cushion part. I don't really give a fuck," Ben shrugged and turned to James.

"Thanks" I wrote.

"I have a question." Sam looked to me again.

"Yes?" I wrote to him.

"How much is it going to take us to get a personality out of you?" He chuckled and leaned over towards the couch. I silently laughed and shrugged.

***

James and Jaybee took me to a room down the hall. Inside was a couch with a fold out bed, and another bed. The room was a little small, and very messy. There were grocery bags on the floor, with clothes, and beer cans. There was a mini fridge right near the fold out bed.

"Me and Sam sleep over here, and you'll sleep on the fold out," James pointed to the random bed near the door. It had white sheets, and the comforter was crumpled on the floor.

"I'll sleep on the cushions and you take the bed. You have a pillow?" Ben said whilst flipping his hair out of his eyes. He didnt talk to me like I was a baby, unlike my mum.

"Yes, In my bag," I scribbled quickly, and pointed to the bags that James was holding. My pillow was in the one with all my clothes, which I had no idea where to put them either. "Where do I put my stuff?" I asked again.

"Uh...there's a closet for me and James, but you can share it too. But I guess you'll have to find shelves around the house for nick knacks," Ben chuckled.

"Is there a shopping mall around here?" I wrote.

"Yeah, why?" James asked.

"I want to buy myself new clothes. I hate my wordrobe," I giggled and raised my brows as I wrote this.

"It can't be that bad," James half-shrugged. I pointed to the bag with all my clothes, and the two of them grabbed it and layed it on my new bed. They opened it and saw that it was pretty much only half full. It had a few shirts and I knew it had two tank tops. There were probibly five pairs of pants. It's not that I didnt have the money for clothes, I just didn't know where they'd all gone when I came back from the hospital. They just werent there when I came back.

"You know what? We'll go shopping tomarow and we'll get you a new look," Jolle laughed and closed the suitcase slowly.

"You can look as sexy as us," Ben winked and sat on the bag.

"What stores are good here?" I asked.

"Hot Topic!" Ben answered quickly with a huge grin on his fucking cute face.

"Spencers," James winked and looked at Ben. They both looked at eachother knowingly and nodded together.

"What kind of shit do they sell?" I asked. I'd never actually been to the mall, even in England.

"They have all kinds of band tees at Hot Topic and cool exessories...if you're a girl I mean," Ben laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"And Spencers has perverted and funny shirts," James nodded and grinned. How could Mum possibly think that these guys were going to be good role models? They're too awesome for that awful title.

***

Sleeping on the fold out bed was comfier then I expected, but I felt so awkward being able to hear the boys snoring. Sam and James together sounded like two fighting bears. It was awful, but somehow I actually got a good nights sleep for the first time in months. I kept my wipe off board on a little end table beside the bed. Beside the end table, was a mini fridge, which I'd discovered held nothing but bear cans and Coke A' Cola along with tons and tons of other alcoholic beverages.

I woke up slowly, and saw that James and Sam had already left. Ben was still passed out on the end of the couch. He had a blanket over him, and his hair was a complete mess. It hung in his face, and his mouth hung open. He was snoring lightly, so I'm guessing he'll be waking up soon.

I pushed the comforter off of myself slowly and hung my legs over the bed and put my feet on the floor quietly. I was wearing socks, PJ shorts and a beater; that's all. It wasn't very cold or anything. it was actually pretty warm in here, seeing as it's summer. I started to stand slowly, and the bed creaked a little. Ben stirred in his sleep and grunted. Oh fuck this is so awkward. Back at the hospital I had a roommate, but she was always awake before me.

I stood quicker so the creaking might stop. It was a quick sound, but still really loud. I turned and leaned over the bed for my wipe off board. I grabbed it and turned back to a sleeping Ben. He had his hands held up to his chest, put into a ball together. His knees were scrunched in. It was so ridiculous that it was adorable. I silently laughed like usual, and snuck out of the room.

I walked down the hall and found Sam, Cam, James and Danny all in the kitchen.

"Did you wake up Ben?" Asked Sam.

"No, I didn't want to piss him off," I wrote to him and held it up. I had just woken up so my handwriting sucked.

"Damnnit!" Cam slouched in his bar stool and looked disappointed.

"The last one to wake up, has to wake up Ben," James laughed while explaining the strangest rule I'd ever heard.

"What...why?" I wrote with a silent chuckle and a raised eyebrow.

"Because he can sleep in later then you'd expect," Sam laughed and took a sip of his coffee. I looked at Danny, who was obviously hung over. He was sprawled across the couch and kept making moaning sounds.

"Yeah that's a hangover," Cam nodded at me, having noticed that I was looking at Niclas.

"How do I wake up Ben?" I wrote.

"With true loves kiss," Danny slurred from the couch and started to laugh. He laughed for a moment then grunted in pain and switched his placement on the couch.

"Yeah don't try that." Sam laughed and shook his head.

"You can either dump liquids over his head..." James started.

"Or we usually scream in his ear..." Cam looked to me awkwardly.

"What should I dump over his head?" I could only imagine how angry he could get about that. He seems like the kind of guy who loves his hair.

"Beer," Sam, Cam and James all said in unicent.

"Every man wants to be woken with beer," Danny smiled with his eyes closed awkwardly.

I chuckled and walked back down the hall. I left my wipe off board with James and found the mini fridge. I pulled out a beer can and opened it. I didn't try to be quiet this time, because I was hoping he'd wake up from that. Surprisingly he didn't even flinch.

I walked over to the couch, and looked down at him. I really didn't want to do this. He was so nice to me yesterday...

"Don't make me do this," I whispered extremely quietly. My voice cracked a little, seeing as I hadn't used it in a while. I really didn't want Ben angry with me.

I groaned and held the can above his head and aimed to pour when all of a sudden, Ben jumped and started to yell at the top of his lungs. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He yelped.

I jumped back a little, without spilling the beer. I didn't want to scream as well, so I covered my mouth with my free hand. He looked up at me calmly. He sat up as I stayed completely still, in awe.

"Thanks for the beer," He reached up and took the beer from my hand and smiled. He took a sip and winked, as he left me in the bedroom in complete shock.

***

Me, James and Ben all went to the mall together. I had thrown on a pair of old jean shorts, and a black V neck shirt. The guys automatically sent me to a store called Hot topic.

Inside the store, music was blasting. It was music that reminded me of Black Veil Brides, and I could tell James and Ben liked it, because they bopped their heads a little. The clothes around the store were ripped, and had really neat designs. Everything was punk rock in my opinion. I didn't know if I'd look too good.

I started to walk around and Ben came up behind. "Pick anything or everything," He said happily.

I nodded and took a shirt off the rack. It was the right size, and really cute so I held it with a free hand. It was polka dotted with skulls. It was a cute tee shirt, and it was black and the skulls and dots were white.

"What about this?" James held up a half top. It would show my whole stomach. It had gold studs on the hem of the top of it, and the rest was black. It was a half tank top.

I shook my head violently. I would never be caught with a half top on; I swear. James laughed at my reaction and put it back. I sighed happily.

I picked through the clothes, and chose a large amount of shirts, sweatshirts, and shorts. Ben made me chose one dress, that was really tight around the stomach then kind of poofed out. It was black with white designs on it.

James also made me chose some band tees. I chose a Black Veil Brides one, a Pierce The Veil one, and one with a band called Asking Alexandria. Ben had made me choose that one, though I'd never heard of them.

***

When we got back, I threw my bags into the closet that Ben and James were letting me share and came back into the kitchen. The guys made me chose an outfit to wear for the rest of the night. I chose to put on the polka dot/skull shirt with a pair of shorts that had little silver studs on the pockets.

When I came back into the kitchen the guys all smiled. "What's for dinner?" Asked Danny, rubbing his stomach.

"Can we not get pizza or chicken nuggets?" I wrote with hope. I hated those wretched foods.

"Why not?" Asked Cam.

"I've had it too many times," I wrote with my eye brows raised.

"Want me to make pasta?" Ben asked kindly.

"You can cook???" I chuckled as I wrote.

"No, not for my life," Ben shook his head and smiled.

"He's serious. He cannot cook. He could make salad, and still find a way to give us food poisoning," James widened his eyes and laughed.

"Why don't you like chicken or pizza?" Sam changed the subject.

"I've had it too many times," I half-smiled and held up the board for Sam who nodded to understand. Why ask twice?

"Well since I'm not feeling like I want Ben ala' shit food, can we just order chinese food?" James groaned.

I shook my head again. I didn't really like Chinese food either. "So you're just going to be a pain in the ass huh?" Ben raised an eyebrow at me and laughed.

"Oh hell yes" I grinned and silently laughed with him.

"Well you know what?! My ass doesn't need this! My ass can find better bitches then you guys! We' out!" Jolle yelled sarcastically and fake sobbed. I laughed with the rest of the boys as Jolle stroked his own butt and then began to chuckle. He finally gave in and sat back down.

"Back to the food situation; I'm hungry," I wrote.

"Well, we could always let you starve, and we'll get Chinese food," Sam offered.

"I'll make mac & cheese for me and Lucy, and you guys can go order Chinese food." Ben settled it. I didn't mind that idea and agreed with a nod.

Danny started cracking up by himself from the couch. He flopped over onto his side and continued to laugh hysterically. He lay on the couch and continued to laugh with his head pulled back hysteria. I giggled a little at his ridiculousness.

"What?" Asked Cameron, with a chuckle.

"Mac and Chinese," Danny said between laughs.

"Oh god mate," James shook his head and huffed a laugh.

"That was a really bad joke," Sam shook his own head as well.

"Yeah, yeah it was," Niclas nodded and calmed his laughing.

"Absolutly terrible," Jaybee looked at me and smiled at his friends idiocy.

"I'm never going to say that again," Niclas stated with a laugh.

"Good." I held up the board for Niclas.

"You wanna' help me make the mac and cheese, Lucy?" Ben asked, as he headed into the kitchen. He took a box of mac and cheese out of the cabinet. I followed him in and nodded, while Danny started to sit back up and rise with the rest of the boys.

"We'll head out and get the chinese, see you guys," James grabbed his car keys, and Sam, Danny and Cameron started following him out.

"Wait wait!" Danny froze them at the door. We all turned to him with raised eyebrows. "Mac and chinese," He started to laughed again, and James hit him upside the head as they shut the door behind them.

I shook my head with a smile and turned back to Ben who was doing the same as he poured the mac and cheese into the pot of water that he'd lain on the stove. The water wasn't at boiling point yet, so we'd wait.

"So, how long're you staying?" Asked Ben, leaning against the counter.

"I don't know" I wrote, shrugging.

"Your parents didn't tell you?" He knitted his eyebrows together. Or at least that's what I thought he did. I could barely see through his locks.

"No. I came home and that day they told me I was leaving. I only had three days with them." I held the board over my face when I held it up. I didn't want him to see my embarrassed and sad expression.

"What do you mean?" He crossed his arms. He looked really concerned.

"Day 1; told me I had to leave. Day 2; Packing. Day 3; Goodbyes." I explained awkwardly.

"That's fucking awful." Ben's jaw slacked in anger.

"Not as awful as Danny's Mac and Chinese joke," I laughed as I held this up. I wanted to change the subject.

"Come on, you know you laughed a little," He smiled and started to stir the mac and cheese.

"Only a little," I admitted with a smile.

Ben grabbed my arm and held up a salt shaker. I raised an eyebrow as he shook the salt onto my arm. "Now it's Mac and Lucy," He laughed.

I pulled my hand away quickly and laughed with him. He went to grab my arm back as the salt on my arm scattered onto the floor. I dropped my board as I pulled away again, grinning. I backed up a bit and he followed with the salt shaker. I started to back up further into the den and he grabbed both of my arms and pulled me back into the kitchen. He spun me around and held me with my back to his stomach. I squirmed and silently giggled. A few chuckles escaped as he pulled me closer to the pot. He held my long brown hair in his hand. He held my hair just over the pot and smiled tauntingly down at me. I shook my head violently and squirmed while I laughed. He kept his arms at my sides to hold me still so that I couldn't escape. I could feel his warm breath on my back and neck as he laughed, and his straggly hair whipped into my face as I struggled.

Suddenly, he let go of my hair and looked with concern at the back of my neck. I calmed my struggling and stopped laughing so hard.

"Who's Gunnar?" He touched my small tattoo lightly with his index finger.

I pulled away because he'd loosened his grip. I bent over and picked up the board. I scribbled down the answer. "My ex boyfriend. We got each others name tattooed when we were 16,"

"Your parents let you do that?" Ben's eyes widened.

"No, and I wish I hadn't gotten the tattoo." I wrote with honesty.

"I guess we all have one of those stupid tattoos. Do you know the band Black Veil Brides?" He asked, comforting me in my embarrassment.

"Yeah, I like them," I wrote.

"Andy has a tattoo of a drunk Koala bear drinking wine on his arm. He loves it but we all make fun of it," He smiled and touched my arm. I laughed because I didn't know Andy had such a strange tattoo.

"That's awful," I smiled.

"As awful as Mac and Lucy?" He raised an eyebrow and grinned, as he flipped his hair out of his eyes.

"Trust me, it doesn't taste better with salt," I pointed to the salt on the counter.

"Yeah apparently salty Mac and Lucy causes heart problems," He winked and flipped his hair again. it wasn't helping much because he was still wearing that band around his head.

"Wouldn't surprise me." I laughed.

"Wouldn't effect me though, because I'm heartless," He smiled and made that face he had made the day before, and I chuckled. "Oh shit the mac and cheese!" He yelped and turned back to the pot that was now boiling over.

"Nice job sherlock," I laughed and held the board in front of him as he tended to the pot.

"Hey, Wattson, it was your job to remind me," He laughed and shook his head.

"I guess this isn't the job for me :( " I laughed with Ben as he tried to calm down the boiling in the pot.