Self Destruction Is Such a Pretty Little Thing

***Ben's POV***

My heart was pounding, and my eyelids drooping. I was so close to falling asleep, and the little needles jabbed into the vein in my arm made me woozy. I felt sick to my stomach for a number of reasons. I felt like it was my fault that Lucy had tried to commit suicide. I really did blame myself. Also, I'm not huge fan of needles.

"Thank you, Mr. Bruce," The nurse carefully removed the needed and smashed a band aid over the open vein. "You're saving your friends life," I nodded. I knew I was, and I was proud. Although James and Lucy were cousins, they had two different blood types. I was able to give Lucy the blood she needed for the transfusion. She'd lost to much blood in her injury.

"I'd do it any day," I nodded, and put my head in my hands. I was also tired because I'd been at the hospital for too fucking long. Lucy also had to undergo surgery, to stitch up the gash in her stomach. James was still confused on the situation. He hadn't said much since he'd gotten here, but he looked confused. He obviously knew it was no accident though.

We hadn't been permitted to see Lucy. The last I saw of her; she was being pulled out of the ambulance completely unconscious on a gerny. They warned us that she'd lost a lot of blood, and that they were low in the supply of her blood type. I could donate though, having the same type as her.

Only James and I were allowed into the ambulance with her. Sam, Cameron and Danny told us that they'd come to visit us when she was awake again. We left with Sam close to tears and Danny in a rage. Cameron wouldn't leave his room.

The nurse now directed James and I into the hallway again, where we had been spending the past hours on end. We had two waiting chairs, and were constantly forced to see doctors covered in blood. My stomach wasn't going to handle today well, and I knew that.

I had blood stains on my tee shirt. I was sad to say that it was Lucy's blood staining my top. I'd washed up my hands and chest, but the blood wasn't coming out of my tee.

"I need to go use the john. I'll be back in a bit," James murmured and ran a hand through his hair, rising and heading off in the direction of the front desk to find the bathroom.

I nodded and sighed, thinking back. What would have sent Lucy into this? I racked my brain for any signs. She fucking sang to me! She looked so happy. Her voice was gorgeous, and I'd never seen her smile so beautifully. It wasn't the kind of smile that you could fake. There was no doubt in my mind that she wasn't planning her suicide at all. It wasn't planned, but it was intended. Her pillow had been torn...that must be where she had hidden the razor.

I was stupid to leave her.

It's my fault.

I slapped my head down into the palms of my hands and groaned loudly.

"James Cassells?" A nurse approached me with a sad smile. She looked sympathetic.

"No, he went to the rest room," I stood tiredly, and shook my head. "Is there anything I can help you with? I'm Ben Bruce. I live with Lucy. She's one of my best friends," I was almost pleading. I needed to know whatever was going on.

"We're well aware that James isn't Lucy's legal guardian," She frowned at me.

"She's 18. She doesn't need a legal guardian," I corrected her. She had mouse brown hair tied into a pony tale, and she carried a clip board. She was wearing the normal, light blue nurses uniform.

"That's not the problem Mr. Bruce. It's urgent that I speak with you and James about Lucy's condition," She shook her head at me.

"I can fill him in later," I offered. It was no use waiting for him. Last time he went to the bathroom, he came back an hour and a half later. "He won't be back for a while. I look after her just as much as James,"

"Alright," She was hesitant, but she rolled her eyes at me, and motioned for me to follow behind her. She led me to a room that resembled a meeting lounge. I took a seat at a long table and she sat across from me, with the clipboard and papers on the table.

"Is she going to be alright?" I asked immediately.

"Yes. She can go home tomorrow, on bed rest for a week. No solid foods, and nothing too hot or too cold. But we've become aware of another thing about your relationship with Ms. Cassells," She looked down at her papers.

"And what would that be?" I said quietly.

"Could you explain her accident again? It's very contradicting to the information I have here." She pointed to the clip board and looked to me with accusing eyes.

"We were cooking in the kitchen, and it got slippery on the floor because Danny spilt a beer by accident. She slipped and bumped into the counter, and the knife she was holding cut her stomach. Me and James carried her to the bathroom because Cameron has a weak stomach, and we wanted to try to clean the wound. When she fell unconscious we knew it was worse than we thought and called you guys," I lied fucking hard.

"It's a very believable story to someone who doesn't know Lucy, Mr. Bruce," She shook her head at me. "I'm going to go ahead and believe you though. I'll trust you,"

"Thank you ma'am. But, what information is on your clipboard?" I cocked my head. I couldn't read it from my position.

"That was my next concern. You boy's are obviously unaware of Lucy's conditions. Her parents didn't say anything? And she never told any of you?" She asked.

"No. Her parents practically abandoned her with us," I admitted.

"I have a few more questions. You need to answer everything honestly," She nodded to me.

"Of course ma'am," I nodded and sat back.

"Does Lucy regularly eat breakfast?" She took out a pen and clicked it.

"Yeah I guess. I mean, if we go out to breakfast she will. Or if someone's making it. She won't make it for herself," I laughed. It was a silly question.

"Lunch?" She jotted down my response.

"She won't go out of her way to make herself lunch, no. But she'll eat leftover's if we have them. And she'll always get something if we go out to eat," I shrugged. Who cared about her eating habits?

"Dinner? Desert?" She continued to write.

"We never get desert. And she always has dinner. But she won't eat Chicken nuggets or pizza," I chuckled.

"Snacks during the day?" She was etching for me to say something bad. I could tell.

"She won't go out of her way to get herself something," I shook my head again.

"Has she ever spoken to any of you?" She looked up for a moment. She really did know a lot then.

I hesitated for a minute; contemplating on whether I should tell her about Lucy singing. "She's sung like, two lines of a song for me. But only me. You can't tell James, he doesn't know," I pleaded.

"It's safe with me. Does she spend a lot of time in the restroom? I know it sounds like a strange question," She rolled her eyes.

"Not particularly," I raised an eyebrow and cringed.

"Has she had any relations with a man or woman since she's arrived in America?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I squinted.

"Has she become abnormally close to one of you boy's? Any of your friend expressed having feelings for her?" She asked slowly, as if I were stupid.

Well I felt pretty stupid when my face started to burn. "My friend's haven't said anything," My voice actually cracked and my face felt hot.

"Oh Mr. Bruce. That needs to end," She shook her head at me. I was taken aback. "If you have any sort of feelings for this girl, you need to space yourself. She's in a horrible place and she needs to avoid being thrown back into a wave of depression,"

"I would never hurt her..." I said slowly, becoming angry at the nurse.

"Are you two a couple?" She interrupted me.

"No," I said coldly.

"Keep it that way," She wrote on her papers.

"I never said I had feelings for Lucy," I growled at her.

"You didn't need to. I understand that she's a sweet and beautiful girl, but she's been advised to pretty much avoid all situations with men, for a good reason," She looked at me with a stern glare.

"Please explain," I crossed my limp arms.

"It's critical that I tell you this information, and I want you to brace yourself," She put a gentle hand out towards me.

I nodded slowly.

"Lucy Alexandria Cassells, has been diagnosed by the Länssjukhuset Ryhov Hospital of Jönköping, Sweden with Anorexia, Depression, Severe anxiety, occasional bulimia, and suicidal tendency's. Caught with Self harm. Conditions at home aren't standard. Abusive relations. Tattoo of 'Gunnar' on her shoulder. Noticeable scar on the temple, supposedly from an attack from a boyfriend. On suicide watch, after 6 attempts," She read to me, then gave me a sympathetic look. "And you had no idea,"

"I knew she self harmed," I corrected her.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bruce. I know this is a huge shock. She'll get better in time. You boy's will have an influence on her. I can tell by the way you guy's present yourselves. You really care about her. Just remember everything I said. I don't want you to involve yourself. And if she ever becomes a hassle, we always have a spot for her in our rehabilitation center," She smiled.

"I'd never lock her up like her parents did," I squinted at the nurse.

"She'll be available for visitation in an hour, when she comes into consciousness. You can make a call to your friends now, and they may come in," She sighed at me, and led me back to my spot.

James was already sitting in his chair when I got back. He stood as the nurse turned away and he got close to my face. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, and he looked worried as fuck.

"Did she tell you anything about Lucy?" He pleaded. His hair was greasy and his cheeks wet with tears.

"She'll be up, and we can visit her in an hour. Call the guy's," I nodded. "She got stitches and she'll be on bed rest for a week. No hot foods, no cold foods. Nothing solid," I neglected to tell him all the bad shit. I didn't have the heart to hurt the fucker.

He sighed and sat down, and I took the seat beside him, patting his shoulder. "I'm so glad she's okay. I can't figure out what happened,"

"James I think we both know what happened," I moaned.

"She attempted suicide," He said this really slowly. Like he was ripping off a bandage.

"She'll be okay man," I sighed. I'd been crying just as much as him. I'd recently stopped, because I couldn't managed to conjure up any more fluid to my eyes.

"Thank you for giving her your blood," James mumbled.

"I'm glad I could fucking help," I sighed a laugh.

"I'm going to call the guy's. They'll want to see Lu," Jolle patted my arm, and rose from his chair.

***

The next day was sort of painful. Lucy was obviously not talking, and we were forced to wheel her around in a wheel chair. Me and James carefully lifted her onto the couch, so that we could all have a movie day or something. We all just wanted to spend time with the poor girl.

Her hair was a mess, and her eyes had dark, dirty circles around them from make up. She had been changed into one of her band tee shirts that Danny had brought for her. She cried for hours when she woke up. I couldn't tell if she was crying because she was happy to see us, happy to be alive, or because she had failed the suicide.

She showed signs of pain when we set her down on the couch. She cringed and almost clutched her stomach near the stitches, but she thought it through quickly. I reached out and stroked her hair with my thumb. We sat in silence because we all knew what had happened to her, and couldn't help.

***

***Lucy's POV***

Fuck this. It's been a whole week, and I can finally stand on my feet. It made me feel light headed for a second, which made all the guy's freak out as if I were about to fall off a cliff.

After a while of proving that I can walk on my own, I wrote to them that I wanted to take a shower. I'd be getting my stitches out tomorrow, and I hadn't been able to take a shower in over a week. I wanted to clean the wound, and my hair.

When I got out of the shower, I blow dried my hair and straightened it. Once I was clothed, I started to tease my hair with a comb, to add volume, with the door open of the bathroom. My stomach felt a little tingly near the stitches and it itched, but I knew it only felt like that because it was healing.

"Hey," Danny popped his head in, and leaned on the door.

I suddenly got a brilliant idea. I was in the mood to fuck with Danny, just for the giggles.

"Hey," I responded. I expected him to scream at the top of his lungs, but he didn't even move.

"Whatcha' doin'?" he leaned in and looked in the mirror with me.

"Teasing my hair," I spoke slowly and laughed a little.

"Mac and tease," Danny burst into a fit of laughter. I laughed with him but his laughter slowed quickly and his eyes widened.

"What's wrong Danny?" I cocked my head and chuckled.

"YOU TALKED! YOU JUST SPOKE! OH MY GOD! GUY'S! LUCY TALKED!" Danny burst and ran down the hall to the kitchen where everyone was. I let my giggles out, before I leaned my head out into the hallway.

"What?!" I heard James scream. All of the guys came running full speed at me in the bathroom, cramming themselves into the doorway, but remaining in the hall.

"Lucy, did you just talk?" Sam gasped and put a hand on my shoulder. I gave him a confused looked and shook my head.

"Yes you did!" Danny screamed and pointed in my face. I stepped back and looked at him in horror, shaking my head still.

"C'mon Dan. Don't do that to us," James hit Danny's shoulder and they all turned around to go, all looking disappointed.

"You little bitch!" Danny laughed at me. "I'll catch you, and they'll notice," He warned.

I put my arms up like I was confessing something and laughed.

Ben smiled at me and followed the other's down the hall.

Fucking with Danny was going to be fun actually.