Welcome to The Demolition Derby That Is My Stories

The sun was finally shining and it was about time too. I had been waiting for this day for months and today was the perfect day. It didn’t hurt as much to get out of bed today. The physical pain may have been gone but the mental and emotional pain I felt damn near every single day was still there. I had a feeling that it would always be there. I missed him more and more every single day and not a single day goes by that I don’t wish that it was me in his place.

It had been more than a year since I lost him, six months since the case was settled and 3 months since Andy came up with the idea to plant a tree in his memory. I knew the perfect tree to plant also. I chose the Juniper tree since for some reason he loved that type of tree. He said it was very spiritual, and calming as well as funny looking. Andy and I had gone to the hardware store yesterday to buy the supplies and the tree itself was being delivered to the house today. We knew his fans would want to be a part of this as well so we opened it up to the public and Pete got in touch with a few news reporters allowing them in to film the memorial service.

I looked over at the clock on the night stand that read 9:36 am which meant that I still had at least another two hours before I had to be up ready for the event. As a result I rolled over stretching my arms and legs out onto his side of the bed grabbed his pillow and cried. I couldn’t stand being without him, I couldn’t stand sleeping in the same bed anymore I can’t stand being in the same house anymore. I know I need to be doing things to accept that he is gone and believe me I am but hey everyone grieves differently, eh? I set my alarm for 11:00 because I knew I would end up crying myself to sleep and just as I predicted that’s exactly what I did.

When I woke up again I could faintly smell the aroma of fresh coffee being brewed. My guess would be that Andy came over early to make sure that I actually got up. I literally rolled myself out of bed landing on the cold floor with a thump. I debated just lying there and dying as the pain hit that unbearable point again. So much for no physical pain. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to block everything out. Block out all sights, sounds, smells, feelings, anything that I could and just be numb.

“You know that never works.” My eyes shot open followed by a loud scream as I came face to face by those beautiful blue eyes that I knew so well and missed so much. I jumped and scooted as far away as I could until my back was against the wall.

“Patrick? How can you be here? You’re dead.”

“I’ve always been here baby. Always, right by your side where I vowed to be for eternity.” He pointed at the wedding ring on my left hand that I never took off and felt it grow warm. “I just don’t know why only now you’re able to see me.” He went to sit on the bed and I couldn’t do anything except stare in disbelief with my hand over my mouth.

My mind was racing 50 miles per minute trying to process all of this and the only thing that I could come up with was that I had officially gone insane.

“Oh God! I’ve lost it. I’ve gone insane! I’m hallucinating and seeing ghosts. I fucked up. I must have grieved wrong or something. Fuck!”

“What the hell are you going on about in here?” Andy said walking into the room with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“ANDY!” Patrick shouted as I took one of the mugs from Andy. “I missed you buddy.”

“What? Oh nothing, nothing.” I replied to him taking a sip. I tried not to look in Patrick’s direction and as he kept talking to Andy.

“C’mon, I’ve made some breakfast for you.” Andy said grabbing my free wrist completely oblivious to the blonde haired man trying desperately to get his attention and pulling me towards the kitchen.

“C’mon Andy I know you see me.” Patrick continued appearing in the kitchen as we rounded the corner scaring the bejeezus out of me and causing a squeal to escape my mouth.

“JEEZS woman! What the hell?” Andy said as my squeal startled him.

“Sorry. I thought I saw a…never mind.” I walked ahead of Andy and sat down at the breakfast bar still keeping at least one eye on Patrick. Before me was a full out breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast with apple jelly, and orange juice. For a vegan he sure knew how to cook non-vegan foods. “Wow Andy, thanks!”

“No problem. Now eat up.” Andy replied. As he and I began to eat.

“Andyyy. Andy’s attention Annndy. AndyAndyAndyAndyAndy.” Patrick was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet and waving his hand in front of Andy’s face. “Aaaaannnndy. Aanndy. AndyAndyAndyAndyAndy. I know you see me sucker. AndyAndyAndyAndy…” I was trying so hard not to laugh at Patrick and his attempts to get Andy’s attention I didn’t even notice the irritated look on his face. “AndyAndyAndyAndyAndyAn-“

“WILL YOU SHUT UP!?” Andy shouted causing Patrick to grin like an idiot. My eyes went wide at his outburst.

“I wasn’t saying anything.” I replied innocently.

“Not you. Him!” Andy answered pointing to Patrick. I just looked at him incredulously realizing that he could see him too.

“You can see him?”

“Of course I can see him. I’ve been able to see him since the accident. He’s the one who told me.”

“What do you mean?” I looked to both Andy and Patrick who both had a concerned look on their faces. Andy took a deep breath.

“I guess, when it happened, his spirit went to find the closest person that it was familiar with and I guess that was me. I wasn’t sure what to make of the situation because I was just in my kitchen making something to eat then all of a sudden Patrick was there as well. I tried talking to him and ask him what he was doing here but he apparently couldn’t hear me because I could see him clear as day but then again he wasn’t there. I knew something was off right away so I called his phone and got no answer but that call somehow connected his spirit to me. Don’t ask, I have no idea how it just did.” He added at the end in response to the skeptical look on my face. “Anyways he told me about what happened, how he was driving to my place and as he turned a corner the truck came out of nowhere and the next thing he knew he was in my kitchen.”

Patrick had appeared next to me and placed his head against my shoulder and one of his hands rubbed against my back. I didn’t feel the pressure that his hands would have given off from him touching me instead I felt a soft calming warmth.

“He told me where to go to find the scene and I left the house as quickly as possible. When I got there, there already was already a large crowd forming so it was difficult for me to get through. As I reached the front of the crowd and saw…” Andy started to get choked up and took another deep breath to calm himself a bit. “I saw him lying on the stretcher his body covered in a white sheet except for his hand that was hanging out the side. I tried to run up to him but the Cops that were there stopped me. I told the other guys first so we all could be there when you found out and…well you know the rest.”

Despite how long it’s been since he died I still couldn’t stop the tears that fell as a result of what Andy told me. He came over and wrapped his arms around me as the tears started falling even faster and silent sobs began to shake my body. I gripped tightly to his shirt as the warmth from Patrick’s touch continued to fill me completely.

I was able to pull myself together a couple of minutes later and told Andy I was going to take a shower to get ready for the service. When I finished I put on my outfit planned for today and tried to put on the happiest face that I could before heading back down to where Andy was waiting. The sapling had been delivered while I was in the shower and Andy, Pete and Joe had all already loaded it up with the rest of the things we needed to plant the tree with in the back of the Titan.

“You boys ready?” I shouted to them as I exited the house locking the doors behind me.

“Yeah!” Andy and Joe shouted in unison as they loaded the last few bits of tools into the bed and walk around towards the cab. Pete was silent as he continued to tighten the straps around the sapling so that it wouldn’t fly away and I walked over to him with an empathetic look on my face.

“How are you?” I asked as he finished with the straps. He sighed deeply.

“I should be the one asking you.” He said back to me.

“Yeah but I asked you first.” I replied.

“I’m coping still. I put on a brave face every day. You know, for Bronx. I need to be strong for him, but more than a year after and I still can’t keep from crying myself to sleep. I miss him every single day. He was my best friend and it hurts like hell. I know you’re his wife but still-“

“You knew him longer. You knew everything about him. You knew who he really was. You knew things about him that I was just starting to see and love.” I began to get a bit choked up again thinking about him.

“C’mon you guys we need to head out. We don’t want to be late.” Joe said sticking his head out the window. I headed up to the front passenger side as Pete jumped out of the truck bed and went to the rear driver’s side of the truck cab. I heard Patrick whispering in my head as we headed out of the driveway “I’ll see you there.”

When we arrived there was already a large crowd formed around the plant sight. The news reporters were at the head of the crowd filming the fans’ reactions and interviewing a few here and there. I had prayed and prayed that they wouldn’t try to interview me because I really wasn’t in the mood to bring up the memories. I could only be strong for so long. When Andy parked Joe and Pete exited out of the truck and went to grab their gloves and shovels to dig the hole for the tree. Andy and I followed behind grabbing the rest of the supplies and placing them nearby the dig site. When they finished the four of us then went back to the truck and unhooked the sapling carefully carrying it out of the truck bed and over to the hole.

Since Pete and Joe dug the hole, Andy and I were the ones to plant it and secure it to the ground with the tether lines so that it wouldn’t fall or get blown over by the Chicago winds. When we were finished with that I grabbed the box with the placard in to place at the base of the tree. The words we chose for it were simple and something that I believe that everyone would agree with.

In memory of Patrick M. Stump. A true angel on this Earth.

As we finished we backed up as the crowd was allowed to come forward and place something around the base of the tree. The site was amazing to see. Know that he was loved by so many and so much touched my heart to no end. In times like these I wished he was actually here to witness it. As that thought crossed my mind I felt something warm on my cheek as Patrick’s spirit caressed my face then kissed me softly on the lips before turning and walking away fading in the distance.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and cried into Pete’s jacket with the others joining in for a group hug as the feeling of Patrick’s presence faded away with his image.