I Swear This Time I Mean It.

I tried my hardest not to laugh at the girl on top of me. She was grinding her hips against mine, desperately trying to get an inch of my attention as I drank my whiskey.

“Look hon,” I chuckled. “could you get off of me?”

“Oh come on.” She slurred, and I could just see how drunk and how bad of an idea she really was. Honestly I didn’t even want her in the first place. She just kind of forced herself onto me. “A lot of guys get whiskey dick. Nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I don’t have whiskey dick.” I stated, getting a tad bit annoyed. “My dick is perfectly fine. You’re the problem.”

“How am I the problem?”

“Look at you! If I wanted to hump plastic, I’d just buy a sex doll.” I pushed her off my lap as gently as I could and stumbled away. I wasn’t nearly intoxicated enough to be falling all over myself, but seriously, my legs were numb.

“Are you okay?” I looked up from my glass to see a group of girls in front of me, clearly wall flowers, but god did they seem like better company than that other bitch.

“Yes, I’m wonderful.” I chuckled. “How are you ladies this evening?” A few giggled, but the one who asked if I was alright just smiled.

“We’re okay. I’m Heather.” The heavier set one announced. “This is Meghan, Vicky and Diana.”

“Nice to meet you all, I’m Keagan.”

“We know.” I turned to face the shortest one in the group who’s name I already couldn’t remember. I think it was Vicky, but I could be wrong. “Just out of curiosity, what did that Barbie do to piss you off?”

“Exactly what you just said. She’s a Barbie and I’m just not into that. You ladies are more my cup of tea.” I winked and then chuckled. “Actually, I’m more into men, but if I had to pick a woman, she’d be down to earth and not all plastic and tan. Pale skin is the way to go.” The group laughed and I honestly felt kind of welcomed.

So I decided to plant my feet with them for the night. I didn’t need to have another sexual adventure, well, at least not tonight. My penis needs a break.

“Oh shit.” The red head who I believe name is Meghan announce. “Don’t look now, but Barbie is coming over.”

And of course I look. I see her stomping her way in her heels right on over to me. She placed her hands firmly on her hips as she scowled at my new group of friends.

“So you turn me down to hand out with these girls?” She hissed, her voice filled with disgust.

“These girls? Why do you have to say it like that?” I chuckled. “If anything you should say it excitedly! Like ‘Oh damn Keagan, looks like you scored yourself a nice group of women tonight!’ or something like that!” I could hear the girls behind me giggle as I stood up for them.

“No I meant it exactly how I said it. You had grade A meat, and you chose to go dick around with girls who couldn’t keep up with me in their dreams.”

I held my hand up to stop her from saying anything else.

“Look, Barbie, you’re fake and gross. These women behind me have brains, and have figure, I’d bang each and every one of them ten times over before I even consider touching you. You might think you’re hot shit, but sweetie, you’re worth nothing more than a hump and dump to me and every other man out there, so before you go throwing rocks at other girls, you might want to make sure you’re not in a glass house yourself.” The room fell silent for a moment as everyone tuned in. I could see the wheels turning in her mind of everything she wanted to scream at me, but instead I got her boney hand smacked across my cheek.

I probably deserved it for the last thing I said. Hump and dump, hah!

“Fuck you Keagan; you don’t know what you’re missing out on!”

“Probably herpes!” I turned to see Heather, bright red with embarrassment, but I could only offer my hand in a high five as a reward. That was a good last word, and I couldn’t have said it better myself.

“Is your cheek okay?” I looked at Diana, the brunette and smiled.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I didn’t feel it.”

“Thanks for sticking up for us, you really didn’t have to.” I shrugged, not really knowing who to respond to for that thanks, and smiled.

“It’s my pleasure, now I’m gonna need your help tonight.” I stated. “Getting home at least, because I’m about to get sloshed and I’d like to end up alone in my own bed. Do you think you guys could help me out?”

The girls all nodded excitedly and before I could even process what was happening, Meghan pulled a bottle of tequila from her purse.

“I think we can help you with that.”
-----------------------------------

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay Keagan?” I turned my head and kissed the short girls forehead before slowly nodding my head.

“Yeah babes, I’ll be okay. I’m just… I’m gonna go to bed.” I could feel my eye lids drooping as I tried to hold them open and focus on all the lovely ladies that brought me to my dorm. “Which one of you… Who is super quiet? I just need to sleep in the potties room, and I don’t even know how to open this door right now.”

It was if the world was moving from under my feet and I just magically was sat down in front of the toilet. The beautiful pristine white bowl. Oh how I hated and loved this stupid contraption.

Within minutes of the girls quietly setting me up in there I had already began to lurch all the alcohol I consumed into the toilet.

“Should we stay with him?” I shook my head no at the girls half hearted whispers and laughed.

“No ladies… It’s mmmkay. You go party. I’m kay. Go have fun.” I waved as more of my insides found their way outside of me.

Over and over again I hurled, and I knew this was going to be an all night thing. Thank god I had one of the girls get my pillow for me. There was no way in hell I’d be leaving this bathroom now.

“Wow, nice to see you again.” I rested my head on the side of the seat and smiled up at the half asleep boy in front of me. “You look nice tonight.” And I meant that, even though his hair was messy and his pajamas didn’t fit him right there was something different about him that I just couldn’t pin point.

“Hey Jamison…” I mumbled before spitting into the potty. “I don’t feel good.”

“You don’t look so good either. What did you do?”

“You know damn well what…” I turned my head quickly as more of my stomach spewed from my mouth. “I had a lot of tequila. Like, a lot a lot. You- you don’t have to stay in here. I’m m’kay.”

I waved my hand about lazily, but I felt a mass sit behind me and a small hand work its way up and down my back.

“My mom would always do this for my dad after they had a big party and my dad had a few too many.” He chuckled. “He always said it helped.”

I nodded my head, not entirely able to respond, but he wasn’t lying. It didn’t stop me from vomiting, but it sure did ease the pain a little.

I don’t remember exactly when I passed out or why exactly I did, but I didn’t feel the slightest bit better when I woke up in the dark with something lumpy and hard under my head.

I definitely had a crick in my neck, and the nausea was definitely still there.

“What the fuck am I laying on?” I groaned as I squeezed the thing under my head.

“That’s my knee Keagan.” I smiled at Jamie’s voice, but immediately tried to shove the weird feeling aside and get as comfortable as I could on his bony leg.

“Well shit, put some meat on you Jamie. You’re the worst pillow ever.” I groaned, but I still couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. He stuck around with me, and oddly enough that meant a lot.

“Then scoot up here and lay on my stomach. You’re the one who picked my leg.” Honestly I don’t remember picking anything to lay on, but he was offering me something better and I would gladly take it.

“I still don’t feel good…” I grumbled, knowing that I had efficiently emptied my stomach last night, so there was no reason for me to still feel this gross. It wasn’t a hangover though, I knew that. I still felt sufficiently intoxicated, and I didn’t have a headache. I just felt like I had the flu.

“You probably have alcohol poisoning then Keagan. It looks like you and I won’t be going to class today.” He chuckled, and I could just barely feel his hand playing with a few strands of my hair.

“You really don’t have to stay.” I grumbled as I pressed my face against his side until the pain in my gut passed.

“Clearly I do, and really I don’t mind. We’re just reviewing and I can do all that while you’re asleep. Just try to rest up a bit now okay?”

I nodded slowly and closed my eyes. I wanted to breathe in my nose to see if I could smell that sweet scent he was always emanating, but each time I did I would get more and more nauseas… So I played it safe and decided that breathing through my mouth was the best bet.

“Thanks Jamison, I owe you one.”

Sleeping after that was pretty hard, I guess before I just tired myself out with all the vomiting, but this time I was just in pain. It literally felt like my insides were on fire, but I didn’t want to whine about it and make Jamison feel like he had to do more than he already was.

So I settled for minor whimpering every time I could tell that he was fast asleep.

This is by far the worst sort of pain I’ve ever felt, and I’ve broken at least each of my bones once.

“Keagan, you know you would be a lot more comfortable in your bed.” Jamison said out of the blue. I really thought he was still conked out on me.

“You don’t have to stay in here.” I said as audibly as I could. “I don’t want to throw up on my mattress.”

“We can get it cleaned and you can use the trashcan to throw up in. I think you’re pretty much done throwing up anyways.”

“I don’t even think I can move…” I groaned as I tried forcing myself to sit up, even though it was a slow process, I still ended up beyond dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. “Moving is not a good idea.”

“Keagan, are you breathing okay? We might need to get you to a hospital.”

I laughed at the very thought; me at a hospital due to a little alcohol poisoning? No way.

“I’m not insured.” I lied. “I can just lay here.”

“Well, I’m going to go get you some water.”

“No!” I whined, extending out the “oh” for as long as I could. “I’ll just throw it up!”

“Yeah, probably, but you need to stay at least somewhat hydrated. You don’t want to end up having seizures do you?”

I grunted and took the pillow he was using after he got up to go get me the water. I hated that he was right, but I had to take care of myself if I wasn’t going to go to the hospital.

When he came back I drank the water slowly in attempts to not upset my stomach, but that failed miserably, and though I’m glad Jamison was sticking around, I kind of wish he hadn’t. Not that he was doing anything wrong, I just hated letting people see me like this, especially people who pretty much already think I’m worth nothing more than the dirt on their shoes.

“I’m going to go see if I can score some ginger ale and maybe some anti nausea medication. You really should go to a hospital though Keagan.”

“Are you going to carry me down the stairs? Or pay the eight hundred dollar ambulance charge?” I groaned. “I can’t waste what little money I have left on a stupid bout of alcohol poisoning. I’ll be okay. I’ll drink whatever you give me.”

I didn’t hear anything else from Jamison after that so I assumed he just left, which let me actually relax and be in pain instead of playing macho man like I had been.

“Oh baby boy…” I heard a familiar voice and turned my head to see both Joyce and Jamison standing in the door way. “Mm, mmh, mmm, little man right here said you weren’t in good shape, but I didn’t know it was this bad! My poor baby. The nurse is on her way baby doll.” I groaned loudly before burying my face into my hands. Of course he’d go tell Joyce. “And why did you tell little man you were uninsured? Sweetie, you’ve had more doctor visits than I can even count while being here. You really need to lay off the liquor.”

I groaned again and I could hear Joyce laughing. This really wasn’t funny. Now Jamison knew I lied, and now I was going to have to be hooked up to a fucking IV while laying in a stupid hospital gown in a stupid room around stupid people.

The nurse ended up showing up a few minutes later and though I begged to not go, she assessed that the condition I was in was definitely in need of emergency care.

I didn’t argue after that. Not that I even could if I wanted too though, Joyce would have beat me up.

Jamison and Joyce stuck behind as I road in the stupid ambulance all the way to the hospital. Within no time I was undressed from my “soiled” clothes and put in their stupid butt-less dress. At least this time they let me keep my underpants on; and soon enough after they had me situated in a bed, they were poking and prodding me with needles and sticky pads for monitors.

At least I was alone now.

The liquid in the IV was freezing cold. I guess they were just pumping some sort of sugar or salt water into me to keep me hydrated. Though I wasn’t feeling one hundred percent better, I was in fact feeling a little bit better. Apparently my skin was pretty blue, and well… At least I could keep my head up now without getting ridiculously dizzy. Oh yeah, and they also were pumping me full of anti-nausea medication and some sort of pain killer to help me relax a little.

“Hey there…” I turned my head to see Jamison peeking his messy haired head through the doorway. “Sorry it took me so long to get here. I had to wait for Joyce to get off work so she could bring me.”

I sighed internally but smiled never the less. “You didn’t have to come. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, well hospitals are scary enough in themselves. There’s no need for you to be alone.”

“You know, I am a big boy.” I laughed before patting the spot on the bed next to me.

He nodded and shrugged as he took the seat. “Why did you lie about being insured then?”

“Because I hate hospital gowns.” I chuckled. “They don’t have butts and I’m a man. I don’t wear dresses.”

Jamison rolled his eyes and sighed. “You could have died, and all because you didn’t want to wear a stupid gown?”

“Hey, I don’t judge your morals.” I said, giggling a tad. I scolded myself internally again, but chalked up the weird noise to the painkillers.

“Oh Keagan.” He laughed and shook his head. “Well, the doctor said they were keeping you here over night for observation and that since you don’t have anyone to call to stay with you, that if you wanted me too, I could stay. It’s up to you though.”

I wanted so badly to tell him no, but I just couldn’t get my head to shake in that direction. He was right, hospitals are scary enough in themselves, and there was no reason for me to have to be here alone; especially when I had a friend basically throwing their kindness at me.

“Thanks Jamison, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stay.” I half mumbled and he just smiled in return. Not a cocky one like I would have, but a genuine kind one that he always had.

“Fine fine,” he laughed. “No reason to beg. I get to pick what we watch tonight though.”

I feigned a groan as I scooted over so he could lay beside me. It was a little cramped, but comfortable nonetheless. Well, as comfortable as someone with tubes and needles stuck in them can be.