I Swear This Time I Mean It.

I sat patiently for an hour after I sent that pathetic message to Jamison, but as soon as that hour was up I started to worry. It wasn't like I sent it when he was sleeping, and it's not like he didn't have his phone with him when he was studying... So there was really no way he'd just have missed it, which only left me to believe he had ignored it.

Finally three hours later I finally got back a- Hey, sorry I've been pretty busy lately, but I'm doing okay, still no haircut but I'll get one soon I promise... It has been too long of a while though, come home soon okay?"

That kind of put my mind at ease, at least for a minute. I smiled at first but then my ever wandering mind drifted towards his wording.

Busy.

What the hell did that even mean? Around me he was never busy... But now with this new dickrag around he was all of a sudden a socialite?

I sighed knowing full well that this was just me over thinking and being jealous over someone who probably meant nothing. But it was that damn wording again. "Probably meant nothing" didn't mean that goofy looking asshole Jamison was with didn't mean anything it just meant that I wouldn't know exactly how much he was replacing me until I actually go back and reclaim my throne.

If he happened to mean something more in such a short period of time then so be it. I would just have to figure out my next move from there, but I wasn't about to continue living on this sofa when I had my own bed just screaming for me.

I can deal with awkward, but this crippling back pain was becoming way too much to bear.

I will, I promise. Can't wait to see you cutie.

I chuckled inwardly, I mean yeah I meant every word but it was pretty cheesy. I'm sure he wouldn't mind though, if anything I'm sure he'd appreciate it. But even with that being said, tomorrow was Thursday and I had therapy and a shit ton of homework to do, so I think one more day apart wouldn't kill us. That way I could get everything out of the way and the focus completely on Jamison and I.

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Friday finally rolled around and I just couldn't help myself. I woke up super early, packed all my things from Joyce's office and made my way to the gym for an early morning workout and then a quick shower. After that I headed towards a local floral shop and picked out a humble but pretty bouquet of lilies and daisies.

It was simple and sweet and he could look at it for the next few weeks when I inevitably fuck up. Hopefully these flowers will take the edge off of me being gone for so long, but I'm sure once I explain myself, he'll understand. Maybe even like me more! Who knows!

I groaned quietly as the knot sat heavily in my stomach as I searched my pockets for my keys, the extra fifteen seconds of pain staking searching was complete agony but as soon as I found it, it only got worse.

I felt my hands tremble and sweat around the bouquet as the familiar scent of home flooded my nose. Who knew that barely a month away would make a scent I never thought about so prevalent?

All the good warm feelings soon vanished as I saw Jamison and that ass clown sitting together -being way to friendly- on Jamison's bed, completely lost in the book that was between them to even notice I was there. To make matters even worse, that douche canoes bag was on MY bed.

So like the grownup I am I cleared my throat and earned a startled look from the two males.

"Hey Keagan, glad you and I took time apart so we could work on bettering ourselves for each other! Hope you don't mind that I find myself a new boy toy to fuck around with while you're gone!" I said mockingly and smiled just the same before throwing the flowers into the trash can. I wanted to say more, but Jamison was fumbling all over himself to get out of his bed, and I just didn't want to hear anything.

That whole month away just went to shit within a matter of moments so I left.

"Keagan! Hold the fuck on!" Jamison grabbed my arm and if I were just a little more pissed I probably would have knocked him the fuck out for having the audacity to touch me right now. But I wasn't as angry as I was sad, so sadly that didn't happen.

"What?" I snapped.

"What the fuck was that?" He said, a little out of breath from trying to keep up with me I assume.

"That was me coming home, but the better question would be who the fuck was that and why is his shit on my bed?"

Jamison's face went blank and I just sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Stop it Keagan, I'll take the blame for him putting his bag on your bed, but he's just a friend!"

"A friend that you go out to lunch with, a friend who stops you from replying to me so you guys can hangout for a few hours in the evening, and a friend you cuddle up in bed with. Yep sounds like just a friend."

"Oh my god, you are taking EVERY THING out of context."

"Really? Am I? Because people talk Jamison. How long did it take him to replace me?"

"That's not fair Keagan and you know it."

"No, you know what's not fair? What's not fair is that for the last fucking month I've been beating myself up and sitting through therapy all to better myself for you. So I can be who you need me to be, while you're over here acquainting yourself with this goofy mother fucker." I said and pointed to the asshole who just tried to sneak out of our room.

Jamison's eyes softened a bit though as he bit his lip. "Is that what you've been doing?" He asked, his voice a little softer than before.

"Yeah, what else would I be doing?" I asked, my tone still harsher than it needed to be.

"I-I don't know. Keagan..." He looked down and looked at the shit head down the hall. "Nothing happened between him and I. Nothing. I've been tutoring him and we became friends. We all went out to bowl that night you texted me, and I was just helping him again now... You really went to therapy for me?"

My heart was beating erratically and angrily in my chest, but as soon as he looked up at me with those huge doe eyes I could feel the anger dissipate.

"Yeah I did." I mumbled. "I just-"

"I'm sorry..." He interrupted. "I'm sorry that you got the wrong idea about Will and I, and Will I'm sorry you had to be apart of this." He said and we both glanced over to the boy awkwardly standing in the hallway.

I figure he's probably just waiting to make sure I really don't explode, but who knows. He's stupid.

"Jamison-"

"Let's finish this inside?" He asked, interrupting me again but I just nodded and followed; and though I wanted to just abandon this Will kid out in the hallway, Jamison had to reassure him that everything was okay now and that they'd finish the study session later. Yeah, over my dead body they will.

But soon enough it was just him and I... In our home, and the tension between us was unbearably thick and the silence was pretty fucking deafening.

"Keagan, that's... That's really where you've been?" Jamison asked again, his voice finally breaking through the awkwardness between us.

"Yes for the hundredth time." I laughed. "I went to therapy."

"Where... Where were you staying?"

"In Joyce's office." I said, now hearing his underlying questions. "I isolated myself Jamie. I went to class, I went to therapy, and then I slept on a hard lumpy couch. Occasionally I enjoyed a drink or two in Joyce's office, but that was it."

A look of guilt swept over his face, and of course even though it felt good to see it, I still didn't want it to be there.

"So you really were working on... Us? This wasn't just a break? God I feel like an ass..."

"Don't." I sighed, completely understanding why he'd think a piece of shit like me would just string him along like that. "I didn't tell you, I just left."

"But this whole time... I was worried, I was worried instead of trusting you, but you were doing exactly what you said." His eyes started to fill up with tears, but he latched on to me before I had time to think of anything comforting to say.

"Hey... Hey now..." I lamely said as I tried to get him to look at me, but he just buried his head against my chest.

"No Keagan, I was wrong! You were right, maybe I don't deserve you because you deserve better than this."

I sighed and pulled the smaller boy in front of me as I sat down on my bed.

"I said those things in anger Jamie." I said as I pressed a small kiss to the top of his knuckles. "But right now I just want all of that to be behind us, okay?"

He looked away and chewed on his lip for a second. It was hard to see what he was thinking behind those now puffy eyes, but I wasn't worried.

"I don't know Keagan, I just... You're not mad anymore? We're just gonna be a clean slate now?"

"For tonight at least. We can talk more tomorrow or in an hour or two, but right now I just want to lay in bed with the boy that means the world to me and work on making him mine again."

I could see the wheels turning in his mind again but he smiled and nodded.

"I would like nothing more than to be yours again."

I smiled back and pulled him into my more than welcoming bed with me. I knew he had tons of questions but right now I wasn't looking to start another potential fight. I just wanted to give him that security he needed, because I'm sure right now I look like a pretty large flight risk to him.

"So do you think we can do that? And then tomorrow if you're up for it, maybe we could possibly work on making you my official boyfriend?" I grinned as his head shot up from its snuggled position and laughed once I saw the ever incredulous look on his face.

"Y-yeah, I uh... I think we can do that."

"Good." I half mumbled as I pecked his forehead and drew him into me.

It felt weird to say boyfriend and mean it. But I didn't combust or fall through the Earths crust, so I guess we can only go up from here.