I Swear This Time I Mean It.

The past few weeks have been absolutely insane. Well, that's actually false. Pretty sure that day that we visited Keagan's dad was insane. But almost a month has gone by since then and everything is still pretty much the same.

As fucked up as it is, we've been pretty much waiting by the phone for the call that Keagan's dad had passed. So either he hasn't yet, or he did and his mother just never bothered to call. I mean, it wasn't like either of us were going to show up at the wake or funeral but still. I knew it was killing Keagan not knowing if his dad was still breathing. Damn that sounds so horrible. But nothing could be more horrible than the pain that his dad had caused, past and present.

My boyfriends' clingyness was still prominant, but it wasn't as bad as it was a few weeks ago. He was getting less and less dependent on me as time went on, and I kind of hated it; but it made me feel better knowing that he was getting stronger from all that has happened.

Keagan liked to go on walks these days. Sometimes by himself, but most times with me. He even held my hand and rubbed it with his thumb; and I thought to myself "wow is this real life?" because never in a million trillion years would I think of Keagan as the 'I'll rub your hand with my thumb' kind of guy. It just made me and my heart smile just a little too much.

I finally felt like we were on the same level. I always felt like I liked him more than he liked me for some reason. But now I know that he feels just the same as I do. I know this because when we fight, it's not a detrimental fight. It's a test that we pass with flying colors. Yea we yell, we swear, and sometimes one of our feelings get hurt. But it's never us giving up. No white flags are thrown. And I'm starting to realize now that if we haven't broken up yet, we probably aren't going to- at least not for a long time.

"You ok?"

I looked over at Keagan and nodded my head, smiling.

"Yea of course. Why?"

He smirked and looked down.

"You squeezed my hand."

I probably turned red. Oops.

"I didn't mean to. I was just thinking."

Keagan held my hand tighter as we continued with our walk. We just stepped out from campus to clear our heads. The dorms were starting to feel a bit stuffy. I wanted to just be home for spring break already. March was around the corner, thank god. I needed the cold to be over.

"About what?"

I shrugged and pushed my hair back behind my ear. I could not believe I let it get to my shoulders. My mom would cut it herself if she could see it right now.

"Just things. Silly things. Well not exactly silly-"

"Just spit it out babe!"

I laughed and pushed my boyfriend.

"Just like things about us. How far we've come. All we've been through. What's next and all that. You know. Boring stuff."

Keagan pushed me back and then brought me in for a much needed hug.

"That's not boring. Maybe a few months ago I would have barfed in my mouth, but not now. You changed me Jamie. For the better, obviously. God, I remember when I used to get on your nerves so bad. You so hated me."

I looked up at him and shook my head as we started to appraoch the school again; this time, heading towards the enterance.

"I never hated you. You were a huge pain in my ass but I never hated you. But... I don't think I changed you. I think that you just found yourself. Deep down, you knew you could love. You just didn't think you deserved it. But you do. And I love you more than I ever thought possible Keagan. Like. It's actually unbelievabe."

Now it was Keagan's turn to blush.

He opened the door for me and followed me up to our floor.

"You're adorable Jamie. I love you too," he said and kissed my forehead.

He then bit his lip and I fot nervous.

"What?"

He went over to his desk and rummaged around. Defeated, he went into the bathroom area and then called me over.

What the hell was he doing?

When I saw what was in his hands I immediatly shut him down.

"Nope. No way. You're joking."

Keagan held the buzzer up and had such an evil grin on his face.

"Come on babe, it's time! You just said how much you love me. Now you gotta let me cut your hair."

"Keagan. My love. That is a clipper. You do not clip long hair. You use barbers scizzors, which we do not have. And even if we did I wouldn't let you cut my hair."

He pouted but it didn't change my mind one bit.

"I'll let you cut mine if you let me cut yours."

Wait what.

Hm.

This could be a game changer.

"Really?"

He nodded.

"I trust you. If you fuck it up you can just buzz it all the way. My hair grows fast."

So we were doing this. Using regular ass scissors to chop each other's hair off.

************************

So. The end result of deciding to cut each other's hair didn't go as bad as I thought.

And by "didn't go as bad as I thought" I mean my hair was lopsided on the sides, and Keagan was basically bald.

The good news is that I have never seen him look so hot. If anyone can pull off the crew cut look, it's Keagan.

"I tried my best," he said, looking at his work. "I'll pay for your next haircut. A real one. And I'll get all the hair off the bathroom floor. Promise. You won't have to clean a thing."

I bit my lip to try not to smile; it was very hard though.

"Okay if you insist. But honestly baby it doesn't look that bad. If I wear a beanie you can hardly tell! You did good."

And then a smile appeared on his face. The first real smile I've seen from him in a long time.

I missed it so much.

"You mean, you're gonna keep it for a little?"

I held my breath.

Totally wasn't planning on that, but when you love someone you gotta make sacrifices.

"Of course Keagan, I'll keep it for a few days. I want the world to see what a semi-talented hairdresser I have on my hands."

He smiled again and ruffled up my now uneven hair.

More of it fell on the floor, and the look on Keagan's face told all.

"Ok so why don't I get started on cleaning this mess and you go pick out a show on Netflix for us to watch when I finish?"

I kissed him gently on the mouth before nodding in agreement.

"You know it's going to be scrubs. It's always scrubs."

Keagan rolled his eyes playfully and bent down to start scooping up the hair that was all over the place.

I went back into the common area and plopped down on my bed. I reached for my phone because I honestly haven’t even looked at it since probably yesterday. The fact that I don’t even remember the last time is scary. I remember when I used to be glued to my phone. But luckily not anymore. Now my time is spent with the man I love, and it couldn’t make me any happier.

Hi Jamison. Sorry for texting you like this. I would have called but I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up. No one answers the phone these days. Anyway, I just really need you to text Russ or Facetime him or something. It’s important. He got beat up really bad and he’s just locking himself in his room and not talking to anyone, not even me. I don’t know what to do. I’m really worried.

And then the text I just got from Livvie just changed everything.

What the fuck?

Russ got beat up? When? By who? And why?

Three days ago. At school. I don’t know why. Like I said he won’t talk to me. I found out from someone who was apparently there when they fought. I have no idea what it was about. I just am so worried. I honestly don’t think he has come out of his room since then. Please, he’ll listen to you. Just talk to him. And let me know as soon as you do. I need to know he’s ok.

Fuck.

Just fuck.

Why would anyone want to hurt Russ? He has an attitude at times, maybe even a temper. But he was never the fighting type.

I mean he and I were finally on good terms even if we weren’t speaking as much as we used to but.. why didn’t he tell me? If Livvie thinks he’ll listen to me she’s wrong. He didn’t mention it to me. But why? If I mean so much to him then just why?

But now here’s why I’m conflicted. Russ is my best friend. I care about him no matter our bad history and everything. My gut tells me I need to at least try calling and give him the benefit of the doubt. But I know exactly what is going to become of this. Keagan is going to go right back to his old ways. He’s going to start not trusting me and thinking that I have feelings for Russ or something like that.

I just know he’s not going to take this whole thing well. And it kills me because I know what the right thing to do is. Do I want it to cause problems between me and Keagan when things are so perfect right now? Of course not. Do I think there is a slight chance Keagan might be understanding about it? Sort of.

There’s only one way to find out.

However, I was conflicted again. Should I tell Keagan what is going on first? Or talk to Russ first so I have more details? Ugh. Fuck.

Keagan would be pissed if he knew I talked to Russ behind his back. But he also would tell me not to text him before I even got the chance.

Man.

I guess I have some thinking to do.

Ok Liv. I will. Just give it a day or two. He might just need more time to cool off. If you hear anything else just let me know.

And of course as soon as I put my phone down, Keagan walked out of the bathroom.

"Did someone call?"

I shook my head and smiled.

"Nope. Just checking the time. You almost done babe?"

Half lie.

Still feel bad about it.

"Yea almost! I can't wait to cuddle up and be nice and comfy with you Jamie."