I Swear This Time I Mean It.

It didn’t take much to piss me off, that being said though I generally got over things fairly quickly. I hate holding grudges, but something Jamie said really stuck with me.

…Well, I’m lying; it wasn’t so much of what he said, but more towards how he acted towards me. I know he’s smart, it’s clear as day that he’s beyond average in his intelligence; but he acts like I’m inferior to him. Like I’m seriously the bottom of the barrel and he got stuck with me.

It’s one thing to judge me for sleeping through class, and it’s another to call me blind first thing in the morning, but to laugh at me when I decide I’m going to stick with a class is pretty fucking degrading.

Sure, I think he was just meaning it all in good fun, but I don’t think he understands the amount of work normal people have to put forth to get even a third of the understanding he has for this boring material. Little does he know is that I’ve never failed a course though. The lowest grade I’ve ever received was a C+ and that was my first semester here. Being called stupid or implying that I was stupid has always been a touchy subject anyways. Not that he would know that, hell, I doubt he even knows my last name, but it doesn’t matter.

He can go ahead and act all high and mighty. That’s fine. But as soon as I pointed at him and vowed I would do better, I fucking meant it. And trust me; I have no problems with playing dirty either.

Though it has never been officially stated, I’m pretty sure Jamie had a little bit of sugar in his bones. I mean, what straight guy dresses like him? He’s always cute. Always.

It didn’t look as if he tried hard, but I could tell he had a ritual; much like ever other aspect in his life. It was weird, so my gut just told me he must be gay, or at least questioning. I don’t really know of any nerdy straight guy who actually cares about his appearance. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.

I doubt he had any idea I was gay though. I hinted at it a few times to see if he would pick up on it, but nothing yet. So maybe it’s time for me to throw a few less subtle hints at him. This could be my wrench to throw into his routine. Guys like him… Well, people like him just don’t let things go or ignore them. So a touch here, a wink there, and he’ll be putty in my hands.

I felt like an evil genius all day for the rest of the day and for the next few days. I didn’t want to make it obvious that something was up, so I just went about my days normally. I couldn’t do anything in our class on that Thursday either. I just sat quietly next to Jamison, whether he wanted me to or not, and focused on the professor in front of us. I didn’t even breathe loudly; I just sat there and did my best not to give Jamie anything to complain about inside his mind.

It was definitely weird to actually behave in class. Normally I sleep, I say something rude, or I act obnoxiously… But not tonight, and I knew the kids who actually knew me in the class thought it was weird as well.

“Why do you always wear sunglasses?” I snapped out of my zone and looked over at Jamison who was now standing up.

“What?”

“You know, you’re going to have to pay attention if you want to do better than me as well.” He laughed, but then cocked his head to the side quickly after. “What I asked though was, why do you always wear sunglasses? Or at least have them with you?”

“They’re special… That lady in the picture gave them to me.” I stated, feeling my blood pressure start to rise from him calling me stupid again. I kept my cool though. I knew he was joking, but it wasn’t something I took kindly too; especially since I was called stupid my entire life.

“Oh okay.” He nodded and picked up his school book before stepping out of the way so we could both leave. “Do you mind me asking who she is? If you don’t want to talk about her you don’t have too. But you’re making her out to be some big mystery.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Her name was Jana. She was this feisty old Boston woman who took me in when I was in trouble.” I said, sharing a little more than I intended to. “She gave me everything when I had nothing.” I threw that in there to cover up my little slip of tongue. I didn’t need him to know more about my home life than that. No one needed to know anything about that part of my life.

A silence fell over us though as we walked back to the dorms. I knew he was contemplating everything I said, and I didn’t give him much to work with. If he would have asked more, I would have gladly given him more answers, but he was a smart enough kid not to press. Jana wasn’t a subject that was off limits, but before her definitely was, and I think Jamie could see that.

So I doubt he had any other questions about Jana, and that’s why he stayed quiet.

“Hey, why don’t we order dinner again tonight?” I looked over at the short boy next to me and shrugged.

“Sure, sounds fine with me. Do you have class tomorrow?”

“No I don’t think so.” He responded wearily, shaking his head along. “Why?”

“We can go grocery shopping. The fridge needs to be filled and I need beer.” I said, laughing slightly.

“So you’re a beer guy?” It took everything I had in me not to roll my eyes and sigh. How can you judge a man based on his alcohol preference.

“Yeah, generally. I’d rather drink a beer at night than smoke. Smoking impairs me too much, and I’d rather just unwind with something light like beer.”

“Oh…” He nodded and scratched the side of his head. “I just ask because my Dad liked beer too. For almost the same reason as well.”

I smirked and continued walking towards the dorm doors. “You don’t mind me getting beer than right?”

“No, not at all, do what you want.” He chuckled.

“Cool.” I said, trying to kill the conversation, which I managed to do successfully. We were pretty quiet the rest of the night. We ordered food, Jamie paid, and we ate quietly.

“So you’re from Boston?” I sighed at the question. I had thought I was in the clear when he laid down after eating, but I guess I was wrong.

“No, I’m from Rochester.” I yawned. “Jana was from Boston.”

“Did you meet her in Boston?”

“No.” I laughed. “She moved into a house not too far away from the trailer park I grew up in.” I immediately froze and cursed at myself after the words flew from my mouth. I hated telling people what type of house I grew up in. I tried so desperately not to look like the garbage people described me as growing up. That’s what I ran away from. That’s what I tried to hide for years! And I just let it out like it was no big deal.

“So did you know her your whole life?”

“Uh… no, I just met her one day.” I mumbled, rolling over in my bed so I was facing away from him. Quickly that silence fell over us again and this time I knew I was safe. I didn’t even care that I was acting weird now. The first time was a fluke, this time… I don’t know what happened. It’s like I subconsciously just wanted to tell him everything. I’ll have to be more careful next time. I didn’t need him thinking he was anymore better than me than he already did.

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The next morning I showered quickly and dressed in something a little flashier than my usual pants and hoodie attire. No, today I made sure I looked significantly better than I normally did. Black fitted jeans, white shirt with some weird wannabe tribal hipster design on it, a maroon zip up, a black overcoat, and my grey slouchy beanie. It was pretty cold outside so I figured bundling would make sense and it wouldn’t make it too obvious I was trying to look good. I tucked my sunglasses into the front of my shirt and smiled at my appearance. I looked wonderful; it’s a wonder how I don’t get laid more often.

“Jamie, come on!” I shouted as I slipped my feet into my Vans. “Let’s go!” I laughed as Jamie came stumbling out of the bathroom, his jacket a tangled awkward jumble with his arms and his right foot half out of his shoe. He was a total mess.

“Sorry, I don’t do well with social pressure.” He laughed as he straightened himself out. It was the total truth though, any time I really piped up about something or rushed him, he tripped over his own two feet trying to get himself together. It was endearing to see how much I could just completely twist his mind up, but at the same time it was something I needed to tread lightly with. It was scary knowing I had that kind of control just because of someone’s lack of social graces.

“It’s whatever.” I yawned, trying to seem disinterested in his still struggling state. “Are you almost ready?”

He slipped his foot the rest of the way into his shoe and nodded as he fluffed out his coat, making sure it sat where it was supposed to.

“Alright cool, so grocery store and then… That’s it right? Did you need to go anywhere else?” He shook his head no, and I just took that as the only response I was getting.

So I led us out the door, waved at Joyce and blew her a kiss and then took the little doe eyed Jamison out to my car.

“So, you and the lady at the front desk are friends?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “Joyce and I go way back. She’s handled all my roommate changes and what not.”

“Oh, so she put us together?” I nodded and waited until Jamie was situated before pulling out of the parking lot.

“Yep, she sure did. She thought you were adorable so she stuck you with me.” I glanced over and smiled as I watched his cheeks light up.

“You’ll have to thank her for me, for the cute thing that is.” He said as he looked out the window. His face was set in that contemplative look he had every time he was concentrating hard on something. Unlike most people, thank god, his was a little different. He didn’t look like he had to poop when he thought hard. No, in fact he almost looked like he was blissfully lost in his own thought. It was a cute look, but I digress.

When we got to the grocery store, I made sure I stocked up on canned foods. Raviolis and soups that didn’t take much work to make, nor did they need to be stored in the fridge. Then we moved on to the frozen food. I hated frozen meals, but I made sure to grab like pizza pockets and what not. I made sure to grab a few healthier items too that wouldn’t spoil within a few days, and I let Jamison pick out whatever he wanted as well. He was smart about the shopping as I was seeing as we only had a limited amount of space and a limited way to eat things, so he grabbed mainly boxed snacks and canned goods as well.

“Oh shit! I almost forgot!” I laughed. “Here, hold the cart.” I shouted as I ran off, leaving Jamie in a bewildered daze.

I smiled as I found my favorite isle. There were so many different kinds to pick from, but I settled with Blue Moon. I generally liked the flavored/spiced beers more than just the watery normal American beers. They were sweeter, and I honestly think if I got Jamison to try one, he’d like it.

“Oh yeah.” Jamie laughed as I walked back to him. “I forgot you wanted beer.”

“Mhm! And guess who is going to join me tonight in cracking open the first two fall beers of the fall season?”

It was hard not to laugh at the way Jamie’s face contorted. He didn’t look too excited, but really, he didn’t have much of a choice. He was at least going to try it because the worst thing that could happen is that he wouldn’t like it, and then I would have two beers instead of one tonight.

Which in hindsight wasn’t such a bad thing in my mind.