I Swear This Time I Mean It.

I never considered myself a party person. I don't even like to dance, drink, or be around a big group of people. So I guess that pretty much labeled me as a loser. Especially to the people around here. I really didn't think this school was known for partying and stuff like that, but the fact that it was a dorming school should have gave that away. These kids are away from their families and lives, of course they're going to want to drink.

But I don't think that's the reason why. I think they just want to feel free and loose and things like that. Which I personally never understood, because I hate the feeling of losing control. I wouldn't want to wake up one morning next to someone I didn't know. That's not the type of person I was. In fact, I was the exact opposite. Never had I ever slept with someone that I didn't love; that may have only been one person but still. I did love him, and I always would.

Some people think it's weird to have sex with your best friend, but not me. I think it's all about trust really. He was one of the only ones I trusted with my secrets, my ideas, and my body. He was the type of guy who would be there in a second if I ever called and needed something.

It's neither of our faults that things didn't work out between us; we didn't ever want to be together so there was no harm no foul there. Would it have been nice? Yea. Would it have ruined everything? Also yea. So that's why we stopped sleeping together and just stayed friends.

It was hard at first, because I always wanted to be close to him. So we kept our distance for a while. And then once we started to be normal around each other I got accepted into college.

I guess everything happens for a reason, I was meant to go here to get over Russ. I probably never would have if I saw him everyday. He was just one of those people that were infectious to be around; infectious in a good way. He smiled, I smiled. He laughed, I laughed. He bit his lip, and I pounced on him.

But those days are over. No more pouncing. No more kissing. No more touching. None of anything.

I missed it, sure.

And to be honest, it's been a while since I've even been near anyone. Something told me that that would probably change soon, only because it's been a few months and statistically for a guy my age, that's already too long for no human contact. Other than family that is. I'm pretty sure I was hugged goodbye when they helped move me in.

"Jamie, we're leaving soon. Aren't you going to like, change?"

I sighed at the misuse of my name yet again.

Then I looked down at the outfit I had on and became confused. Why did I need to change? I put at least minimal thought into what I was wearing.

"What's wrong with what I have on?"

Keagan laughed at me and took a sip of his beer. He was a fan of pregaming. He was already tipsy and we hadn't even left yet.

"You can't wear anything nice to parties... everyone knows that. Except you obviously. You have to wear a shirt you don't really care about and regular jeans, or shorts. But it's too cold for shorts so I'd go with jeans, which you don't have to change unless they're expensive or something. Because you're going to get beer spilled on you. Or other substances... I can't say with certainty that you'll come out clean."

Oh.

Other substances?

Like what?

Spit? Throw up? Ew.

Being a germaphobe in this case was very debilitating.

I said nothing, I just started to take off my shirt because I did indeed care about it. It wasn't a lot of money or anything but it was nice, and it looked nice on me so I didn't want it to get ruined. Keagan was kind of still dressed pretty nice even though he told me not to. But from my observations it seemed like he didn't own any clothes that weren't good quality.

That's much better," he said as he finished his can and threw it out. "Let's go, it's already past 10."

I didn't think he'd care much about being 'late' to a party, but I was wrong. He knew a lot of people and they were expecting him so he didn't want to show up when they were too drunk to notice his arrival.

We were only going up a few floors for the party. I figured it would be close, but the same dorm? It just seemed... stupid. If that makes sense. Because what's the difference between our room and theirs?

After we walked in, I was made aware of the difference.

The room was much bigger, and packed with people.

I never saw anything like it in my life. There was so much crazy stuff happening. Just like in TV and movies. There was loud music, messes everywhere, people hooking up in corners, and people doing keg stands. Also half-naked girls, food everywhere, and drinking games being played.

Keagan was in his element, but he introduced me to his friends as his roommate, and that was pretty cool. He could have just left me and did his own thing, but he didn't.

I didn't want to take a drink, but it was a sealed bottle of beer so I accepted it and began to drink it. I didn't expect to drink anymore than two. I wasn't planning on being drunk.

"Jamie you have to play flip-cup. It's so fun I don't even care if you make us lose, come on."

It sounded like a game that I would be awful at. But I didn't want to just stand there and watch so I agreed to play.

"You just wait until I get my cup upside-down and then you drink, when you're done you have to use the table and flip your cup upside-down too, then it's over. Got it?"

I nodded my head in agreement and got ready. It was simple enough, but I was still nervous.

But after we won our few first rounds, I found out that I was pretty good at flip cup. Keagan's friends didn't believe that I had never played before.

Little did they know that I was a terrible liar. Like so bad.

"That was awesome. Who knew you had flip cup winning skills?" He asked, sounding even more intoxicated than he had before we started playing.

Actually, I felt a little dizzy myself. I wasn't a drinker. This could end up bad.

"I think I'm going to sit down for a bit Keagan," I said and pointed to a couch.

But he grabbed my arm.

"No!" He laughed. "You can't sit. If you sit you'll get lazy and tired and probably pass out with all those people just sitting there watching you, and we don't want that. Besides, we have to play kings. I know you've played kings. Literally everyone and their mother has played. And if you haven't then I'm going to question your existence just a little bit."

I laughed and shook my head.

"I have played. In high school. You'll have to remind me of the rules."

He smirked.

"You'll re-learn as we play. If I tell you, that's cheating."

I accepted that even though I didn't consider it cheating. I was in no condition to argue with him, and he was in no condition to do much of anything.

As we started to play, I slowly started to remember the rules. And for the first time in a long time I actually felt like I was having fun. Actual fun. Not studying and reading fun. Social fun. The kind of fun I rarely had.

I was surprised that Keagan's friends weren't mean to me, they pretty much acted like I was already friends with them. But I guess that's what happens when you go to college. People are less of jerks and treat people like actual human beings.

"Jack is never have I ever," one of Keagan's girl friends said to me. "You put up three fingers to start. You say something that you've never done, and then whoever has done it will put their finger down. We go around in a circle until someone runs out of fingers; that person loses and drinks. Ok?"

I nodded and tried to think.

There was a lot that I haven't done. But I didn't want to say anything that would make me sound like a complete and total loser. I mean, I was. But I didn't want anyone to know that about me. I think they thought I was cool or something.

It was awesome.

"Never have I ever drove a 5-speed."

I thought that was a good enough response.

A few people put their fingers down, Keagan included.

Of course, he probably owned a 5-speed, or a 6-speed. He looked like the type.

"Never have I ever got caught having sex," one of Keagan's friends said.

That was a good one, I should have thought of that.

But my mind didn't really work like that. I wasn't what anyone would call a sexual person. Sure, it felt good and it was something to do but I wasn't one of those guys who constantly thought about it.

And again Keagan put his finger down.

I was learning a lot about him just from this game. It was his turn now.

"Never have I ever," he paused and looked at me. "Drank until I blacked out."

I wasn't sure why he looked at me, it's not like I'd put my finger down. I barely even drank and he knew that. I guessed it was just a coincidence that he looked in my direction.

Eventually someone ran out of fingers and the game stopped, but I was just beginning to like it. I hoped that another jack would come up soon. Keagan was starting to seem like this mysterious guy that I wanted to know more about. Or maybe the alcohol was messing with my head. Definitely a possibility.

The game only lasted about fifteen more minutes because some people got bored.

All I knew was that my head hurt and I was drunk. Not wasted or anything, but I was feeling it.

Keagan was pretty drunk, stumbling and a bit of a mess. He insisted on staying though, apparently he wasn't done for the night. I stopped drinking to save myself the headache I'd get in the morning but he continued. I wasn't going to try and stop him, he was having fun and it was the weekend so it was his choice.

I watched him play beer pong with his friends. I... studied him. He was really friendly with them. Like, in a way that guys would be with girls. I began to wonder if maybe by some chance he was into guys. But I highly doubted it. He was probably just really comfortable with himself and was close to his friends. Lots of guys were like that.

In a really weird way, I liked seeing him like that. It made him seem less annoying somehow.

"Keagan you're too fucking good at this game," the tall blonde guy he was partnered with said to him with a hand on his shoulder. "that means you play too much. You're such a party animal I love it. You need to come around more this semester man."

I saw the blond grip his shoulder and Keagan looked up at him.

"I will I will. You just shoot me a text and I'm here," he said, slightly slurring his words. "But anyways, that was my last game, I don't wanna go too hard the first night. Gotta built up to that."

"Understandable. I'll catch you later, don't fall down the stairs on your way back," the blond said with a wink.

Keagan approached me and nodded his head towards the door. I walked with him out even though I felt weird without saying goodbye to anyone.

He struggled a little bit going down the stairs, so I helped him as much as I could.

Once we got back to the room we both kicked off our shoes. It was weird because we did it at the exact same time like we knew the other person was going to do it. We both laughed about it and shook our heads.

"Thanks for bringing me out Keagan. I had a lot of fun. I needed that."

I smiled at him and he returned the smile.

"See? Partying isn't what you thought it was gonna be. My friends are great. Get used to nights like this."

I smiled again, and turned to go crawl into my bed; but he stopped me. He pulled me by my wrist over to his bed. I was so confused, but I let him pull me. He smelled like beer but it wasn't gross or anything, I probably smelled just like him.

His face got extremely close to mine, but not close enough to make me uncomfortable.

"Come here."

He fell back onto his bed and dragged me with him. He said nothing else, he just grabbed my body and held me. My eyes were so tired but so wide at the same time. I had no idea how to react. My roommate was cuddling with me. I didn't even think he could stand me, and here he was using me as a body pillow.

But I didn't hate it.

And I didn't stop it.

In fact, I liked it.

It felt nice. He was warm and his shirt was soft. I turned myself to get more comfortable and I felt myself drifting off into a much needed slumber.