Just Breathe

“So are you sure that I need all of this? Bloody hell! Why do I have all these nappies?!”

By the time Harry got home later that night the staff had arranged most of the things that he would need for Arya. A bassinet was placed in his bedroom while boxes containing the rest of the baby furniture was placed in the now cleaned out guest room that sat across the hall. Along with the multiple boxes of furniture there were many odds and ends such as dummies, clothes, bottles, formula, bibs, baby wash, and of course many boxes of nappies.

“Harry, babies go through a lot of nappies. You feed them every two to three hours, so they go to the bathroom a lot because of it,” Noelle told him opening a box of nappies and placing them near the make shift change area they had set up. Noelle who even though had just met Harry that day, had helped him immensely by going to pick out everything he needed from clothes to the nappies while the staff focused on the bigger items.

“But do I really need 5 boxes of them?” He asked tilting his head to the side. Noelle turned from where she was working to look at him.

“You’re right,” She said as he smiled in victory. “I should have gotten at least 7. There’s always tomorrow.”

Harry took a deep breath taking in everything that that happened in a matter of a day; his room was now temporarily doubling as a nursery until he could paint the guest room a pale yellow to go with the Lion King bedding Noelle to pick up. Now his dresser held a little mattress on it and next to it a portable shelf that held all the nappies, creams and powders he would need to take care of Arya’s nappy changing needs.

“Son, I think someone is in need of a new nappy,” His father stated carrying in a pre-wail infant. Since Arya had arrived Charles had not left Harry’s side and while Noelle helped Harry organize the new baby related items, Charles and Camilla had been watching or rather cooing over the newest addition to their family.

Immediately Harry turned to Noelle who held her hands up, palms facing outward shaking her head while laughing.

“Oh no, you are doing this all on your own. I need to go make sure all the furniture is here and baby safe,” Noelle stated taking Arya from Charles and passing her to her father before patting him on the back lightly. “Have fun.”

“I like her.”

Harry rolled his eyes with a shake of his head. Placing Arya on the tiny soft mattress he began to undress her to change her nappy.

“Oh hell love, that is horrid,” Harry told the baby as he took off the dirty, messy nappy. Charles handed Harry a baby wipe.

“No Harry, not back to front. You go front to back,” Charles instructed causing Harry to pause his actions to raise an eyebrow at his father. “What? I’ve been around for a long time, you pick up these things.”

Shaking his head Harry finished wiping Arya clean he held the nappy in his hand and then looked at his daughter. His head went back and forth, he couldn’t figure out the best way to place it on her.

“Take both her ankles in one hand and the nappy in the other. Yes, just like that. Now lift her so her bottom is off the mattress and slide the nappy underneath. Yes, good. Now lower her back down and pull the front up and fasten it. Do it a little tighter. Good, now you’re done. Well, done son,” Charles told him happily enjoying the look of accomplishment that Harry had on his face. “Camilla and I are going to head out, but if you need anything do not hesitate to call.”

“Okay, Pa. Thank you for everything,” Harry said hugging his father before picking up Arya from the dresser.

“Let me say goodnight to my granddaughter,” Charles stated taking her from Harry smiling instantly when she was in his arms. “She really is beautiful, aren’t you, Arya? I can also tell you are so very smart, yes. Grandpa will see you tomorrow, I love you.”

Charles carried Arya out to the living room to say goodbye to Camilla before saying goodbye to Noelle who had just walked back into the room from the new nursery.

“I must be going as well. Remember Arya will cry when she needs something, I honestly wouldn’t wake her and just let her awaken on her own when she needs to. It’ll help her get into some sort of a routine. If you need anything you can call me,” Noelle stated placing on her coat. “Other than that, enjoy your night with little Miss Arya.”

“Thank you, Noelle, for everything. You were a life saver today,” He told her walking her to the door. “Drive safely.”

Shutting the door with a soft click Harry looked down at the sleepy looking baby in his arms.

“I think we should try to go to sleep now, it has been a long day,” Harry whispered placing a soft kiss to her forehead. Arya yawned, her tiny mouth opening and the small pink tongue peeking out for just a second making Harry chuckle. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Thirty minutes later Harry had finally settled into his bed, his head resting comfortably on his pillow. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion as everything from the day came slamming to him. His breathing began to even out and he was just on the threshold of falling asleep when he heard it. A quiet whimper coming from just a few feet away, he stayed in bed not moving figuring she was just fussing to stay comfortable, but when the loud wails filled the room he sat up. So much for sleep tonight.

*Days Later*

“She’s beautiful.”

“She really is, ginger hair and all.”

“Sod off, Will,” Harry laughed watching his brother hold Arya.

Harry had invited Will and Kate over to his place for lunch once his father had told him that they were coming back around as they were getting ready to move back into Kensington. He hadn’t said a word to them about why he wanted them over, but had mentioned that their father and Camilla would be there as well. Together, with his father they had told Will the whole story…at least what they knew of it. To say the couple was surprised was an understatement. At first Will had thought that Harry had gotten their father to go in with him on a prank, but once Harry brought out the tiny, ginger haired baby girl, Will could no longer think that this was just a joke.

It hadn’t taken Arya long to have Will and Kate wrapped around her little tiny fingers just like she had her dad and grandparents. Every yawn, every squeak, every cry or movement had the small group of adults around her cooing and aw-ing.

“So when are you supposed to meet with Granny to discuss a title and protection?” Will asked handing Arya to Kate who smile widely at the quiet baby.

“Tomorrow afternoon. Pa is coming with me so we can discuss everything.”

“What are you going to do when they refuse to give it? Have you thought of that?”

“Keep her with me so she’s protected,” Harry shrugged ignoring the rolling of Will’s eyes.

“Yes, but you will not be able to bring her to public family events. Arya, without a title, will not be able to attend the Trooping of the Colour or stand on the balcony with her family. Don’t you think that later on when you marry and have more children who do have titles that she will feel left out?”

“You think I haven’t thought of all of this? But what can I do Will? She’s my daughter, her mother and the woman I loved died, it’s not like I have a chance to make things right or even try to. Gran has to see that.”

“But the law states that-“

“I know the bloody laws, William. I am not as daft as you think I am. But she is my daughter and she lost her mum and it’s my job to protect her, which means I will fight and argue until something is done.”

“William, we have discussed the possibilities already. In the end it will be your grandmother’s decision, whether she chooses to stand by the law and keep it upheld or to write a letter discussing the situation and facing a possible backlash for it. We are family either way and we will stand behind Harry and Arya in support.”

“Absolutely,” Will confirmed nodding his head.

*****

“What if she doesn’t like this?”

“Most babies don’t at first, but they learn to enjoy it.”

Harry stood in the en suite connected to Arya’s nursery later that night holding a nothing but towel covered baby in his arms protectively trying to shield her from the bath Camilla was prepping for her. It was the first time he would be giving her a bath and the idea of putting her in a tub of water was unsettling to him. As her father he was supposed to protect her from injury and harm and placing her in a tub of water where she could potentially drown felt like the opposite. Arya did not seem to be too thrilled about the prospect of going into the tub of water either.

“Okay Harry, the water is ready,” Camilla stated turning to her stepson who held his daughter protectively to his chest. “Harry, it will be fine. Trust me.”

“I don’t know this does not seem like an idea she likes. She’s usually very happy and now she isn’t,” Harry responded shaking his head. “Maybe I’ll try this whole bath thing tomorrow; she’s been enjoying her little sponge baths. What’s one more day?”

Camilla rolled her eyes taking her granddaughter from his arms and removed the towel from her body. Instantly Arya began curling her body in not enjoying the feeling of the cool air hitting her body. Slowly, Camilla lowered the infant girl into the warm water covering her chest with the warm wash cloth before washing her body and head. It hadn’t taken long before a loud, piercing wail came from the tiny body that lay emerged in water.

Harry watched as his daughter cried and wailed, her little face turning almost as red as the little tufts on her head. Then there was Harry, his hands in his hair gripping it watching her with wild, anxious eyes. His heart was pounding in his chest as his ears and eyes continued to take in the upset baby in front of him.

“Okay, I think she had enough,” Harry said picking up the crying and drenched baby from the baby tub and cradled her naked and wet to his chest. His lips immediately went to her head not caring about the fact that his shirt was completely soaked. Camilla smiled shaking her head as she watched Harry sooth the crying baby, when she was crying or upset nothing else came first but calming her.

Harry had found that being a single father of an infant was by far one of the hardest and most exhausting roles he had ever had to play, but at the same time it was the most rewarding. Every time he would see her face, every time she would stop crying at the sound of his voice or at the sound of his heart beating while she lay over it at night or the heat from his skin when she would curl up into a tiny ball onto his bare chest during the late nights or early morning hours after a feeding or a changing.

He had found that the littlest things would send him into a pre anxiety attack and have him reaching for his phone. A lot of times his family, either his cousin Peter or his wife Autumn would talk him through things or his father and Camilla and then there was Noelle. Noelle had become a real life saver that he could always count on to help him. After Arya was placed in his care and the case with Child Services had been closed, Noelle no longer had to come around, but Harry had asked if she wouldn’t mind him calling her every so often if he had questions and she hadn’t. He wasn’t sure why he had done that, all he knew was that there was this aura about her, this sense of calm that he felt when she was around.

“Noelle, I think there is something wrong with Arya. She’s making this noise and she’s not calming down, I’ve tried everything you and everyone else has taught me. I don’t know what else to do,” He said into the phone later that night following Camilla and his father’s exit. Noelle could hear Arya crying over the line in between the sounds she was making.

“Harry, place the phone near Arya let me hear the sound.”

Harry did as he was asked; all the while his finger nails were in his mouth and in truth his fingers had begun to hurt because of all the times he would be chewing his nails in anxiety.

“Okay, Harry it sounds as if she has the hiccups. So what you need to do is, if she is laying down pick her up and keep her seated up right. If you need to place her in the burping position I taught you and burp her a little. Sometimes babies get the hiccups following feedings, but she is fine.”

Harry did as she advised and sure enough moments later Arya was happy once more. Cradling her to him, he sighed over the line.

“Noe, I don’t know what I was thinking. I am not cut out for being a father, I freak out over everything and I cannot do anything for myself.”

“Harry, you are a new father. You didn’t have 9 months to get use to the idea of being a father, you had about 2 hours. Trust me, you are only a week into this and you are doing so well. I would tell you if you weren’t and you know that, I mean, it was my job after all,” She laughed. “Do not get down on yourself, this is new. Arya knows you are trying and everything else will get better in time. So please, keep your head up and enjoy these times with her because they do not stay this small for long. Before you know it she will be running around causing havoc a lot like you probably did when you were younger.”

“I beg your pardon? I was an angel.”

Noelle burst into hysterics over the line. “I’m sorry, but I’ve talked to your brother and father, they’ve told me all your secrets.”

Harry groaned. “You’re all bloody ridiculous and I am forbidding you to talk to them every again.”

“Ha!” She laughed. “I’ll remember that. Anyway, I must be off to bed. Goodnight, Harry.”

“Goodnight, Noelle and thank you for helping me once again.”

“Anytime, goodbye.”

“Arya, you don’t think daddy is a wanker do you?” He softly asked the baby who was slowly slipping into dreamland cuddled up in his arms. “I didn’t think so. We’ll get through this together, you and I, we’ll show everyone that I am capable of being a single father to you.”

“I’m really sorry about this. I had a nanny set up for today, but they canceled last minute,” Harry said handing over the diaper bag he had prepared, much to his chagrin, with help from Noelle. “It’s not as if I can just cancel this meeting, after all it’s with Gran to discuss Arya and protection for her, also the statement that will be released.”

“Harry, she’s our niece we are more than happy to watch her,” Will replied smiling as he took the bags his brother offered him. “Now hand her over!”

Glaring at his brother he turned to the baby in his arms. “Daddy has to go somewhere for a little while, but thankfully Auntie Kate is here with your tosser of an Uncle Will to watch you. I’ll be back soon, I love you.”

Harry handed the baby to his brother, letting her still hold onto his finger as his brother cooed and held his niece. “She will be hungry in an hour and make sure she doesn’t lie down right after she eats because she will get the hiccups. She likes listening to heart beats when she is falling asleep, but she will also fall asleep to a white noise. I placed my iPad in the bag which has a white noise app installed on it. If anything happens call me, I don’t care if I am in a meeting I will answer.”

Will laughed at his brother who continued to go on and was obviously very worried about leaving his daughter for the first time ever for an hour or two. He had never seen him like this and honestly it was refreshing to finally see it.

“Harry go, we will be fine,” Will told him pushing him towards the door to their home. “Go fight for that protection for this little one. Say ‘bye daddy, I’ll miss you but Uncle Will is much more fun!’”

“You wish; the only thing she thinks is fun about you is the fact that you’re balding.”