Let Your Heart, Control Your Mind.

We sat across from each other, I on the bed and him on a chair. We hadn’t spoken since I told him I was ready to talk about it. I was dragging my feet. I acknowledged that. I looked at the hurt in his eyes and I didn’t want to make it worse, but I had no choice did I?
“Nick. First off, I love you. I love you so much. I want you to know that.” I spoke softly.
“But, you can’t, right?” I didn’t want to see him hurt. “You are too young. You need time. I thought of everything that you could possibly say.” I heard his hurt with undertones of anger leaking through.
“You told me months ago that you wouldn’t do this. You would wait at least a year.”
“I don’t want to wait a year. I want forever to start now.” He stood and paced the length of the room. “I just want you. I don’t want to wait years. I want the world to know that you are mine.”
“Are you scared I’ll find someone else at school because that isn’t really an option for me, Nick. I am committed to you.”
“Then marry me! It is that simple.” He tossed his hands into the air. He was getting angry. I was getting angry.
“You can’t see this from my point of view Nick! I am nineteen!” I was standing now. “What we are married by the time I am 20? A baby by 21? I have things I want to do before it is too late. You, you are almost 21 so it might be a little different, but I’ve only just gotten started. Because I went to a normal school and I want to go to a normal college and do normal nineteen-year-old things. You started living your own life a long time ago. I have just started!”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t start a life with me!”
“I want to keep living the one we have been since May. I want to live in that life for a while, is that wrong of me?”
“I am ready to move forward.” He placed his hands on my upper arms gently. The anger was momentarily gone. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” His face was inches away from mine waiting for me to close the distance. I knew I shouldn’t. But, reckless Alexis seems to always win in this war. Soon our lips touched and his hands dropped to my waist. My arms found his face. My heart was pounding, I felt my body grow warm. He backed me against a wall lifting me to his level. My legs around his waist. His hands on my bottom, holding me against him. Before I could think about anything I had pulled off his t-shirt exposing his chest. I would realize later that I had stopped thinking properly sometime around when I said that I loved him too. I not only stopped thinking properly, but really I stopped thinking at all. I stopped thinking about consequences to actions or tomorrow or forever. I didn’t think about it when neither of us had anything left to cover up what had been held in for so long. I didn’t think about it when we moved down to the bed. I didn’t think about it when his skin touched mine or when his breath was hot on my skin. Not even when it was all over and he held me in his arms all night. It wasn’t until I woke up to the shrill ring of the telephone that my mind was aware of anything.
I held the phone to my ear and the sheets around my body. “Hello? Dad?” Nick placed soft kisses on my shoulder. “Dad?”
“It’s mom, Lopie. She’s in surgery.” He sounded distraught causing my heart to pick up speed.
“What’s going on?” I urged pulling clothes of mine up off the floor.
“There are complications. They don’t know for sure what is going to happen. You should come. I arranged a flight for you.”
“I’ll be right there. Tell her I love her.” I speedily dressed as Nick questioned. I pulled on a pair of shoes. “I have to go.” I told him grabbing my coat and my purse. He stood and pulled something out of his bag.
“Take this.” He tried to hand me the ring box. I had the door open and was half way out.
“I can’t, Nick.” I could feel him standing in the doorway as I ran down the hall. As his heart was breaking.