Poison Arms

Sleeping was another issue of mine. I tossed and turned a hundred times before I finally sat up. I found these creaky, squeaky hospital beds very annoying at 4 in the morning. I stumbled off my bed into the small bathroom. That was a benefit of being a long term patient; we didn’t have to use the public bathrooms. If that makes sense. I peed for at least 5 minutes and then I moved to the sink where I cut the warm water on. I cupped my hands and filled them with the liquid, splashing it onto my face. Once I felt refreshed, I dried my face with a hand towel and lifted up to look in the mirror. My hair was an absolute mess. I ran my fingers through it, trying to put it back in place, and when I pulled my hand away some of it came out. I looked down to the floor in disbelief. Then I panicked and repeated myself. More of it fell out. I kept pulling more and more of it out, and then I looked back up into the mirror. I was almost bald. I had wisps of hair left on my head. A tear slowly rolled out of my left eye. I went to wipe it off of my cheek and my skin pulled off my bone like a tender steak. I was so shocked I fell to my knees, and I felt them shatter. It was like I was falling apart. Then I heard a voice behind me. I looked and up in the corner of the ceiling was a black figure.

“You’re wasting away Kellin.” It whispered.
I shook my head sobbing loudly.

“You’re gonna be nothing just like your parents.” It whispered yet again.

“No! No! No! Get away from me please!” I cried as it jumped towards me.

And then I rose from my bed panting. It was all a dream. I was sweating, breathing hard, and trying to focus on what was reality.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning I was greeted by a bunch of nurses gathering around my bed. There were balloons and other party materials. They were all cheering, and I didn’t even know my name yet. I was barely awake.

The doctor walked in with his clipboard in hand, passed me a sheet of paper, and then said, “Surprise Mr. Bostwick.”

I looked over what seemed to be an evaluation sheet; my timeline, my progress.

“I don’t understand.” I said completely ignoring the fact that he said my name wrong yet again.

Dr. Patterson smiled cheekily. “You’re leaving soon. We’ve found a group home that wants to take you in.”

I sat there in shock, deciding to keep the dream to myself, because I kind of wanted to leave this place. I wanted to see what the real world was like.

“Didn’t you hear him, Kellin? You’re being released! Aren’t you happy?” Brittany said giving my shoulder a squeeze.

I flashed them all a fake smile, pretending to be excited so they would leave. I still needed to wake up and let this soak in. For the first time in 8 years, I get to go to a place I’ll soon call home and live a normal life. It sounded marvelous.
__________________________________________________________________________________

It wasn’t long after that that I started packing my bags. I didn’t have much, so what I did have I would definitely need. In a mental hospital it’s okay to wear the same outfit 3 days in a row, but things like that don’t slide in the real world.

Brittany soon came back in my room. “Are you excited?” she asked

“I guess. I’m terrified really, but I’m eager, you know? I said.

“Well, I’m definitely gonna miss you here Kels.” She gently rubbed my back.

I turned cautiously hoping that this wasn’t another “episode.” Brittany smiled politely at me.

“I think I’m gonna miss you too Britt. You’re the only cool one here.” I said nudging her arm playfully.

I saw some tears come to her eye. I mean, sure we bonded, but I never expected this kind of reaction from her; although, I spent a lot of my time here with her. She was always taking care of me, changing my bed sheets, bringing me food, even helping me shower when I was unable to do it myself, and hanging out in here to avoid what she really had to do. I had kind of grown to love her and her likewise; which was surprising considering I hated everyone else.

“Sorry, Kellin. I don’t mean to cry, dear. I’m just happy to see you go. That’s all!” she sniffled.

“What? You wanted me gone that bad?” I said teasing her. She pulled me into a gentle yet tight hug.

“Silly boy! I’ve watched you grow up in here. I’m happy that you get to see the world!” she said pulling away.

I gave her a reassuring smile. “Oh! Stop with the water works. You’re gonna make me cry!” I said turning away so she wouldn’t see the glisten of a tear in my eye. “I love you, Britt. Since day one, you’ve been there for me in ways no one else ever has. You’re like a sister to me! You’ve been by my side through it all, so really thank you!” I said kissing her on the cheek.

She pulled a cell phone out of her back pocket. “Here. I got you this a while ago in case you ever got out. You’re on my plan, and it’ll stay that way as long as you promise to call and check in!” she said handing me the phone.

“You’re not serious?” I squealed in disbelief. “Thank you, yet again. You’re amazing, know that?” I said cupping her shoulder in my hand. “You really are.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Everyone was gathered at the entrance fence ready to say goodbye to me. It was a sweet gesture, even though I didn’t care to speak to some of them. As I got closer and closer to the fence, people started coming up to me, hugging me, and congratulating me. Parker, the old man who used to challenge me to a game of chess every afternoon for a year, who always won. Dr. Patterson, the most inconsiderate, blunt, yet helpful doctor I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Shelia, the janitor who used to chase me with wet mops when I was a kid. Josh and Ryan, the two boys who were always welcoming me to sit with them at lunch no matter how rude I was. There were so many I couldn’t keep track. I noticed my pace quickening as I got closer to the fence, then it opened. I stepped out onto the sidewalk, and then I heard a yell from behind me.

“Don’t forget me, Quinn! Call! I love you!” Brittany yelled.

I turned around and blew her a kiss for kicks, and then stepped onto the greyhound bus that was waiting for me. As the bus drove off, I watched everyone walk back inside, with the exception of the few nutcases that thought they could jump the fence. It was bittersweet, terrifying, exciting, sad, and happy all at the same time. Free. Something I never thought I’d ever be again.