Philophobia

Agoraphobia. Emetophobia. Heliophobia. Phobophobia. Just four fears among the hundreds of phobias documented. We all have fears. We all have that one thing that scares us most. It freezes us and makes us immobile. Our breaths shorten and speed up. Our hearts race to an unruly beat and panic starts to settle in. I'm afraid of alot of things. Heights, the Dark, drowning, even death. But one phobia of mine that is unlike the rest and the one that causes me the most anxiety is Philophobia.

Never heard of it? Well Philophobia is the fear of falling in love and/or being loved. I can't remember how it started or why my sudden panic began in the first place. All I know is that I'm twenty-one years old and I have never had a boyfriend. Or have had my first kiss.

Some say I'm a prude, that I don't "put out" enough for the guys to want to chase me. Others think I'm not pretty enough. Even though those two reasons may be slightly true it's really because I start panicking. And I'm not really good at asking guys out.

Growing up I was always shy. I stayed with my close pack of friends and never strayed. I was quiet and found solitude peaceful. My parents always told me to branch out, to ask someone to play, to go hang out with friends, and as I got older it turned to; ask a guy out. But it just wasn't that easy. Because why my shyness came a fear of rejection. One that has made my love-life non-existent.

And I pity myself and others like me because no matter how badly my heart wants me to say yes, to go for it; to ask a guy out on a date, my brain is always overpowering it and shouting no. And I always follow my brain. Never my heart.

To Be Continued...