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Philophobia
Chapter One - partially done
Hopeless Records, June 5th
I self diagnosed myself myself with Philophobia when I was eighteen years old. It was one of those stay up late and wonder about the universe type nights. It was going on two in the morning and a deep emotional song began playing through my headphones.
I found myself questioning life about why I had never been in any sort of relationship with a guy. I mean, I have never kissed a guy or had any type of friendship with one. Was it because I was shy? Or was it because I was just too ugly for a guy to even come up and strike a conversation with.
Anyways, I had went to Google and typed in fears. Because that too was running through my wondrous mind. I saw all sorts of phobias for different things, such as, peanut butter, spiders, and even sneezes. But it was when I reached the P's that my heart started beating faster. There it was, the answer to my questions. Philophobia; the fear to be loved or fall in love. And then I started crying. Full on blubbering actually. It struck such a deep cord in my chest that it was scary for me.
And now three years later I am still haunted by that word. The truth to my reality.
It's like, no matter how much my heart is dying for me to go up and ask a guy out, my brain is telling..no, screaming at me not to. And that's what kills me; because I long to fall in love and not live the rest of my life a virgin.
I self diagnosed myself myself with Philophobia when I was eighteen years old. It was one of those stay up late and wonder about the universe type nights. It was going on two in the morning and a deep emotional song began playing through my headphones.
I found myself questioning life about why I had never been in any sort of relationship with a guy. I mean, I have never kissed a guy or had any type of friendship with one. Was it because I was shy? Or was it because I was just too ugly for a guy to even come up and strike a conversation with.
Anyways, I had went to Google and typed in fears. Because that too was running through my wondrous mind. I saw all sorts of phobias for different things, such as, peanut butter, spiders, and even sneezes. But it was when I reached the P's that my heart started beating faster. There it was, the answer to my questions. Philophobia; the fear to be loved or fall in love. And then I started crying. Full on blubbering actually. It struck such a deep cord in my chest that it was scary for me.
And now three years later I am still haunted by that word. The truth to my reality.
It's like, no matter how much my heart is dying for me to go up and ask a guy out, my brain is telling..no, screaming at me not to. And that's what kills me; because I long to fall in love and not live the rest of my life a virgin.