The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

My mom held my cheeks in her hands as she kissed me goodbye. I was heading up to Western Springs, not that far from home, with Jasmine for that doctor's recovery place. I had already forgotten the name of it because I was a little nervous. I was nervous about possibly spilling my guts to someone I didn't know.

"I love you, Lewy," my mom murmured as she hugged me.

"I love you too, mom...I won't be gone long, only a few hours." I laughed softly.

"I know, but I worry."

I gave her another tight hug, "I'm fine," this time I meant it, because I was. This moment I was okay about leaving.

She gave me one last kiss on my forehead and let me go; my dad waved as I walked backward a few feet and then got into Jasmine's car. I waved back as Jasmine pulled out and began to drive. I fiddled with the radio as we drove; "So, this guy says there's meditation and therapist, aroma therapy--"

I cut off Jasmine, "All up your alley."

She laughed, "Yes. I think it'll work..."

The hesitance in her voice made me frown, "Are you afraid to have a breakdown?"

She nodded slowly, "Yeah."

"Me too."

"Well, that's why we got each other, Jas."

Again, she smiled, "You're right."

The drive to Western Springs was quiet, only the music playing; my eyes had wondered at the sights disappearing behind us. The luxurious homes came in slow and then all at once, in heaps. We didn't have a house like this, it made me wonder why not, but my thoughts soon disappeared when I saw a large building appear as the houses faded away; Western Springs Healing Center read across the top.

"Ready?" Jasmine asked as she drove into the parking lot.

"Yeah."

After parking, Jasmine and I went inside; it was nice and cool inside, there was soft elevator music playing and a smiling woman at a single front desk. The entire room was white with soft green undertones here and there, with fresh flowers that smelt great. I bit at my lip as I followed Jas to the front desk; "Hello, I'm Jasmine Hurley, this is Lewis Wentz, we have an appointment with Dr. Carter."

"Certainly," the woman behind the desk was older with dark blonde hair with even darker roots, "you can go in, double doors to your right."

Jasmine took my hand, interlacing our fingers and led me away. My stomach was tangled in knots, I was afraid I would reveal all and say the wrong thing to the wrong person. I was afraid someone would notice who I am and go off on twitter or whatever.

As we entered through the double doors, there was what looked like a game room; with a pool table, a TV off to one end, pillows and blankets on the other and charts and things on the wall. The room smelled like vanilla, it instantly put me at ease; I inhaled deeply, and closed my eyes, "Oh my god."

Jasmine laughed softly, "Feel good, Lew?"

Before I could respond, a hardy voice spoke up, "It's the aroma therapy candles."

I opened my eyes and saw a tall man standing in front of us. He had on a dark blue button up and black slacks. His hair was her black, he wore modern frame glasses and smiled bright; he reminded me so much of my uncle Patrick.

"Hey Chris," Jasmine let my hand go, "told ya I'd be here."

"It's great to see you," Chris said, "who is this?"

"I'm Lewis," I answered. "Jas told me a little about you."

"Do you have some insecurities and anxieties of your own, Lewis?" Chris asked me; he sounded genuinely concerned, not like any therapist I've ever met with. I nodded without fully acknowledging that I had. He gave me a warm smile, "Then I'll give you a tour of what goes on here and how we help. Follow me."

Jasmine and Chris talked as he walked us through the facility. He told us about aroma therapy, water therapy, meditation, all without medication. This all made me feel like this could actually help; I was kind of excited to come here and get well.

When the tour was over, I wanted to hear more; Chris allowed me to slip into a yoga session with other teens. I was a little nervous, but I went in with Chris introducing me as someone looking to help myself.

"Lewis is just looking in, continue as you are," Chris patted my shoulder, "we'll be in the group lobby when you're done."

"Thanks," I said softly.

There was only 5 kids my age in there, all sitting on blue mats. The yoga instructor was older, she looked about the same age as my mom, she had a long red hair and smiled a lot. Her body was insanely fit; I couldn't help but to look; there was someone looking at me, catching my eye, so I didn't look at her too long.

It was a boy, maybe a year or two older than me, looking at me curiously. He had long dark hair and pale white skin; he looked like he'd never seen the sun before. He wore a plain black tank top and black shorts; he had tattoos on his arms, they looked homemade. I was instantly drawn to him as soon as his eyes met mine; but he looked away.

My stomach tangled again, only it was different than being nervous. I was excited and my heart started to race...I think I liked him the moment I laid eyes on him. I could even recall his eye color; golden brown, almost like my dad's, but lighter. I could feel my face grow hot as I saw him bend in what the instructor called "downward dog."

I sat off on the side, on the floor with my legs tucked under me. The vibe in the room was comforting, relaxing, I could've fallen asleep. My eyes, though, were focused on that boy, I was sickly, falling hard for someone I didn't even know. This never happened before; I've had crushes, but hell, not like this.

Before I knew it, the class was over; the instructor came over to me as I stood, dismissing the session. As he left, the boy and I locked eyes, watching each other until he left the room behind some girl. The instructor touched my shoulder, gaining my attention, "How'd you like the class?"

I exhaled, smiling softly, "It was cool...I wasn't even participating and it was relaxing."

Her hand dropped from my shoulder, and she stuck it out to give me a handshake, "I'm Clarissa Peak, by the way. Are you coming to stay here at Western Springs?"

I nodded, knowing I would; I shook her hand, "Yeah, after I graduate in a few weeks."

Her hand dropped from mine, "That's great. You'll really heal here; we've got great food and natural healing remedies. No poisons to warp your mind."

"This is my last resort," I murmured, "I appreciate you letting me look in on your class."

She smiled and began to tie her hair up, "You're welcome. I hope to see you soon."

I smiled and thanked her, following out of the room. Just as I entered the hall, the boy was there; only, he didn't look like a boy, he looked a lot older close up. He smiled shyly, tossing his long hair back, "Hey, you look familiar."

I didn't know what to say. I was kinda shocked...was he waiting for me?

"Y-yeah?" I mumbled my words.

"Did you go to New Trier in Wilmette?" He asked, his eyes squinting a bit.

I nodded, "Yeah...I'm a senior."

His brows shot up, his hair fell over his left eye, "Really? I was too...I dropped out a few months ago."

"I'm...I'm in alternative classes, so I only go 3 days a week. Why'd you drop out?"

He looked down, I sort of felt a little bad for asking, but he answered before I could apologize and recant, "I had a drug problem."

"I have nightmares," I confessed without thinking.

He smiled faintly, "I do too, that's why I was on drugs...I'm a little better now."

I smiled back, "What's your name?"

"I'm Nicky--Nick Rockwell. You're Lewis..."

"Lewis Wentz," I said, sticking my hand out.

Nick shook it, smiling only a little, "Nice to meet you. Are you staying?"

"After I graduate," I said as our hands retracted. "How long are you staying?"

"Till the end of the year, it's better than rehab."

"I'll see you again, then?" I tried not to sound too excited.

He nodded, his smile grew a little, kind of crookedly, "Yeah."

"I have to go find my friend...I'll see you, man."

He nodded again and waved, "See ya, Lewis."

I turned to leave, smiling and biting down on my bottom lip to hide it. I couldn't believe how weird I was acting over a guy...this never ever happened before. I laughed at myself; I was acting like a school girl...in a boy's awkward body.

"Hey," Jasmine said as I entered the lobby, "what's the grin for?"

I shrugged, "Nothing. I'm starved, can we head out?"

Jasmine smirked at me, "Yes, but you have to tell me what the grin is for or I'll leave you."

I knew she was joking, "I'll tell you in the car."

Jasmine wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led the way out. I was blushing, "It's dumb," I said.

"Is it a boy?" She teased.

We got to the car and slipped inside; I bit down on my lip again and nodded, "Yeah."

She smiled, "Aw! What's his name? What's he look like?"

"He has long hair, his name is Nick," I rolled my eyes at myself, "I can't believe how weird I'm being."

"Did he hit on you?"

I shook my head, "No...I don't even know if he likes me, he just said hi to me."

Jasmine started the car and began to back out, "You'll see him again, and I want you to talk to him."

"Why?"

"So you can come out of your shell...so you can finally get this dating thing on the road, and so you can finally tell your parents."

I sighed, "I almost forgot they didn't know."

"I'm not pressuring you, but do you know when you'll tell them?"

I looked out the window, trying to avoid her glances, but I just couldn't. I shrugged to her question, "Dunno..."

"I think you should just do it...rip it off like a bandaid, Lew."

I looked back at Jasmine; her eyes focused on the road, "I'm afraid."

"That they won't accept you?"

"No...that they'll let it slip...that my dad will tell one his friends and they'll tell someone else and then everyone will know. I don't want another reason for people to stare at me."

"I don't think it's healthy for you to live this way," Jasmine spoke softly, "I love you, I only want you to be happy."

"I'll do it on my own time," I said. "I just wanna get my mind right."

"Okay," Jasmine looked over at me momentarily with a small smile, "whatever you want."

"Thanks," I murmured.


My mom and dad didn't know what to say when I told them I was going to Western Springs after I graduated. They were both speechless; we were sitting at the kitchen table, just before dinner. My brothers and sister were all off playing or something, so I had a chance to talk to my parents about this.

"Why do you wanna go?" My mom asked, "Are you having nightmares again?"

"I just need some time to myself," I answered.

My dad's brows furrowed, "Are you depressed or anxious?"

I reluctantly nodded, "A little. This place has a lot of stuff that'll help me...maybe if I get some help, I'll go to college or something."

My mom looked at my dad and then back at me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, "I'm sure."

"Okay, as long as you want this," my mom rubbed my arm and then kissed my cheek.

"How come you just didn't tell us you've been feelin' depressed again?" My dad asked.

"I didn't want to worry you guys. I can handle it."

"You're not alone, Lew," my dad murmured softly, "ya hear me?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I hear you."

"Good, because we love you, buddy, we only wanna help," he smiled reassuringly at me.

"Yeah, dad, I know."

My parents looked at me with happy and reassuring glances; "So, how long do you want to stay at Western Springs?" My mom asked.

"Maybe a few months...I just want to take some time to myself. I'll be okay, I'll be with Jas."

My mom hummed, "That's good, honey. I'll look this place up."

"We can go visit before I go and stay," I offered, "I'm tellin' you, mom, it's a great place."

"I believe you, but I just wanna make sure you're in good hands, baby."

"I know," I nodded, "but, if you don't want me to go--"

"No, I'm not sayin' that," she said softly, "I worry, you've never been somewhere by yourself."

My dad placed an arm around my mom's shoulder, "He won't be by himself, he'll be with Jasmine. And we don't gotta worry about him leaving for awhile, Navy, we still got a few weeks."

My mom smiled, "Yeah, I know," she exhaled, "okay, we'll look this place up and be reassured you'll be in good hands."

"Thanks, mom," I smiled back.

She stood and hugged me, "You're welcome, bub, anything for you."

I felt extremely happy that my parents were okay with the idea of me leaving.


Later that night, after we ate and hung out a little, we all parted to head to bed. I wasn't ready for bed; I didn't want to sleep, even though I had a good day, my nightmares would most definitely pull me under. So, after getting into my pajamas, I left my room and headed out in the backyard; everyone seemed to be asleep, but Jasmine's lights were on in the pool house.

I went in, knocking gently, "Jas?"

I could hear the outside shower in the back on; I went inside and shut the glass door behind me, pulling the curtains closed. Her room was clean, my mom had cleaned up while we were gone; she even washed her clothes. I walked past the tiny space that she called her kitchen, it had portable stove and a mini fridge that was large, almost like an upright ice box; I saw she had some food from dinner on the table. Of course, it wasn't eaten, Jasmine didn't eat too much, I think it had to do with her own anxieties, I never probed her too much, I never wanted to upset her. Anyway, I carried on past the tiny bathroom and then the double glass doors to the outside shower.

Under the moonlight, I saw Jasmine on the stone ground, sobbing. You couldn't hear her over the rushing water; I rushed over and turned it off and knelt to her, getting my pajamas all wet, "Jas? Jas, what's wrong?"

She was crying hard, I couldn't see her face, it was too dark where she was crumpled. I forced her up, holding her naked body against mine, "C'mon, Jasmine, it's me, Lew."

She held onto me, "I can't do it," she sobbed.

"Do what?" I asked her softly.

"I can't live like this no more."

I helped her into the house, once we were inside, I saw the damage for myself; her left wrist was cut down the length of her arm, not across. I sat her on her sofa chair and rushed around grabbing one of her towels beside the clean clothes my mom had just folded; I wrapped the towel around her arm and then grabbed another to cover her. Jasmine cried softer now, her shoulders shaking and her head bowed.

"Jasmine, it's okay, I'm here. I'm here," I kissed the side of her head, "lemme take care of this--of you."

Jasmine only cried, sitting without acknowledging me. I went to get the first aid from the kitchen in the house, returning quickly to find her still sitting there, only she wasn't sobbing. Tears rolled down her face, her naked body shivering, I knelt in front of her, smelling the metallic of the blood so close to my face. I grabbed her arm as gently as I could and held it out, unwrapping the towel and wiping the blood away; luckily the blood clotted and wasn't seeping. I grabbed disinfectant and gauze, cleaning her arm as carefully as I could; Jasmine made no sound as I did so.

She had only done one arm, I knew that meant that she wasn't ready to do it. I wrapped her arm, bandaging it like I had done before and then I cleaned the blood that got on her body with another moist towel. I grabbed clean clothes for her, underwear, pajama pants and a t-shirt; I dressed her, with little help from her, and then I guided her over to her bed, under the covers.

I have done this 3 other times before, I'll never ever be calm or used to it when it happens. I love her, I'd probably lose myself if I lost her. Jasmine knows this, I think that's why she stops when she gets to her right arm.

I covered her and then cleaned off her face with the opposite end of the towel I cleaned her blood with. Jasmine stared blankly at the ceiling, "I'm sorry, Lew," she said flatly, "I'm a horrible fucking person."

"No you're not," I said, "you're the greatest person I know. I love you, you're my best friend."

"I don't know how I can keep living. My heads all messed up."

I petted her hair back away from her tear stained face, "So is mine, you're not alone, you have me."

She sniffed, "Yeah, I know...but you shouldn't want to be around me...I'm...I can't live like this anymore."

No tears sprang free, but I still ran my thumb over the apple of her cheek, "I know exactly how you feel, Jas, and you know that. We've got each other."

There was so much more Jasmine wanted to say, but she didn't. We had these moments over the past year and a half. All the memories and fears from the hijacking took over, and had been constantly attacking her mind for the past 2 years, it just recently started to get so bad.

"I'm a waste of space," she muttered.

"No you're not," I said sternly, "you're the opposite, you matter to me. Without you, I dunno--I would've probably killed myself a long time ago, Jasmine."

She shut her eyes, "I just want it to be over."

"So do I."

Jasmine inhaled softly and I could see she was growing tired. I got up and turned out the lights, taking off my wet pajamas, stealing a pair of hers and a shirt, then I climbed into bed with her. I curled up beside my best friend and wrapped an arm around her, "I love you," I told her, but she didn't respond, she was already asleep.