I'm Losing My Reason To Be Here

I hate concussions. I sighed as I exited the plane that had flown from Pittsburgh to Whitby. I had suffered one and the last game and the team was going to be on the road for the next week so I decided to go back home and see her. I screwed up big time an I just wanted to be with her again. I then caught a cab to the house on the lake that I owned here in Whitby. I jumped into my Mercedes and drove to her best friend's house. I walked up to the door of the small white house and knocked. The door slowly creaked open and I saw Angela who still looked the same as she had since the last time I had seen her when we were eighteen.
"James?" She asked quietly.
"Hi," I smiled "I wanted to ask you where Rach lives now. I have to go talk to her." I said with a determined look on my face.
"I-I guess you didn't hear." She said while a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Hear what?" I asked with confusion.
"She's gone James. She died in a car crash two weeks ago. She was going to Pittsburgh to fix things with you." She said quietly with tears rolling down her face. I was in pure shock and felt like the world stopped around me
"Wha-what?" I asked with my voice cracking.
"I'm so sorry James. I knew how much you loved her. She loved you more than you could ever imagine and I always thought you two would get back together." She said with a shaky voice. I felt numb. I couldn't feel anything. No anger, no sadness, no disappointment, nothing. I then felt hot tears start to roll down my cheeks and Angela wrapped me in a hug. She was like a sister to me since she was Rach's best friend after all. I just cried into her shoulder and completely lost it. I couldn't believe that she was gone. I never got the chance to tell her how sorry I was about leaving for Dallas without telling her and I won't ever get that chance. I though about her unique eyes. They looked like a light blue from a distance but when you were close up to her face they were a gorgeous green. I thought about her lips. Full bright pink lips that were as soft as a feather against my own. I remembered at the times when those same soft lips would caress their way over my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter while tears still escaped them. I couldn't imagine what her parents were going through. They had lost Rach's brother Travis nine years ago to cancer when he was only eleven. Now they didn't have any children left and my heart went out to them. I then pulled back from the hug and wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Is she buried at the cemetery where her brother is?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah." Angela said wiping her own tears away from her face.
"Mommy! Mommy!" A little boy with the same blonde hair as Angela came up and tugged on her jeans.
"Jackson, can you go in the house for a minute? Mommy will be in a a few minutes." She said to the little boy.
"Okay." He said and ran back in the house. I've always wanted kids. When we were younger Rachael and I had always talked about getting married and having kids. She always told me that she'd hoped that she would get a little boy who looked just like me by with ginger hair.
"Thanks for letting me know Angie." I said and gave her one last hug and walked to my car and drove to the cemetery. I then got out of the car and walked towards her brothers grave and saw her's beside his. I got down in front of it on my knees and just broke down. I couldn't take it. I couldn't handle the fact that I'd lost her forever. If I hadn't just been an idiot I could've prevented this from happening. If I came up here earlier she would be gone now.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving for Dallas. I should have and that would've prevented this whole thing from happening and you wouldn't be gone now. I just want to let you know that I miss you and I'll always love you. You see what I did there? Quoted your favorite song eh?" I said while a small smile was across my face through the tears. At that point it was freezing outside but I didn't care. I needed to get this off my chest. Without her on earth it almost felt like I didn't belong here anymore.
"James?" I heard her voice say.
"Rachael?" I said and quickly turned around and saw her standing there. I got up and started to walk towards her. I then caressed her cheek while a tear rolled down it. "I thought you were gone." I said breathlessly.
"James," she sighed "I am gone. You seem to be the only one who can see me." She said sadly with tears rolling down her face and wrapped her arms around me. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in the crook of her neck.
"So, I look like I'm hugging mid air right now?" I said while I smiled against her neck.
"Probably." She laughed.
"I'm sorry." I said while I buried my face against her neck more than it already was.
"For what?" She asked while she pushed me back so she could look at my face.
"For leaving without telling you I was stupid and-" I started but she cut me off when she pressed her lips to mine.
"Shhh. Forget about it. It's behind us." She said with a smile.
"But-"
"James." She warned
"Fine." I huffed.
"Why are you here?" She asked.
"I have a concussion from the last game and I wanted to talk to you. And I guess I did since in the only person who can see you." I said.
"Who hit you and gave you the concussion?!" She asked angrily. "I'll kick their ass!" She said.
"Woah there tiger." I laughed.
"I don't like seeing you hurt." She said.
"I'm fine, I promise. Will you come back to Pittsburgh with me?" I asked
"James, remember no one can see me." She said.
"I don't care. That means I get more time with you to myself." I smiled and so did she.
"Okay." She said with a wide grin.