Status: Active/Ongoing - feedback appreciated

Fear.

The Real World

It's just another day in my life where I do nothing. Well I say nothing, I had to finish decorating my apartment but I couldn't find the motivation to do so. The night's events still fresh in my mind, my dream still laughing at me as I become more and more paranoid. Sitting on my small balcony, I carefully studied the street, the people in it. I was curious to know what truly scared them. I always wondered if anyone had the same fear as me. "Howdy neighbour." a voice spoke. I looked to my right, a boy about my own age stood on the opposite balcony. I gave him a small smile, not wanting to really interact with him. If I ignored him, maybe he'd go away. "2 months and you've still not said a single word to any of us."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the boy. He was just being polite and here I was being the rudest person on the planet. "I don't like communication." I stated.

"So you do speak. Do you have a name?" Of course I have a name. What do these people think I am? An alien? Jeez.

"Sian. No nicknames." Straight to the point. Maybe if I kept being like this, he'd leave me alone. I didn't move to this part of the country to be hassled by people. I had enough of that back home.

"Thomas-James. Call me TJ." he grinned at me. I don't intend on calling you anything.

"Lovely." I muttered, turning my attention back to straight in front of me. I was done talking with the boy. Or TJ as he likes to be called. "Do you smoke?" I found myself asking. I was utterly shocked at myself that I had even asked him such a thing. He nodded before chucking his packet over at me. Taking one, I lit it before placing the packet down on the table. Smoking was my only vice, I didn't drink or take drugs.

"If something tragic happens, I'm sticking with you." I felt myself tense up. Did he know something I didn't? Was that a warning? Stop it, you're being irrational. He's joking. No-one could predict the future right? God, I really needed to get a grip on my life and mind. He continued to try and engage in conversation with me. I spoke with one word answers, he spoke with a paragraph each time. Don't get me wrong, he seemed like a nice enough person but I didn't need anyone. I was perfectly fine on my own.

This is what happens when you let your fear control your body, soul and mind. You become lonely. You become the paranoid freak. You become the victim, you're tortured everyday. You convince yourself that everyday is the day that your fear will come to get you. That's how I ended up miles away from home and lonely. I drove my family insane with my constant panicking, my friends started to believe I needed sectioning. Everything fell apart as I became to believe my dreams more and more. It was only a matter of time before I ended up actually becoming the insane one.

"You don't say an awful lot..." his voice trailed off as I glared at him.

"I don't need to." I snapped, I stood up abrutly. He was beginning to annoy me now. I chucked him his cigarette's back, heading inside making sure the balcony doors slammed. It's not that I can't talk to people, it's that I won't talk to people. That's how I ended up in this mess in the first place by opening my big mouth and letting the world know about my intense fear. I told myself that when I got away from my home town, that I'd never speak to people again.

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Locking up my apartment, I felt uneasy. I felt like someone was watching me, but as I looked around I couldn't see a single person. Probably all doing productive things. I couldn't argue with that thought, they probably all had some form of a decent life. As I walked down the corridor, heading for the main doors a part of me wanted to run back inside but I wasn't prepared for it to win this time. No, I had to fight it somehow. I had to face the outside world even if I didn't talk to anyone. As I stepped out into the crisp fresh air, I stood there a few moments, looking. Just looking. I felt my stomach tighten, my palms starting to become sweaty.

What looked like a normal day in the town, looked like a blood bath to me. My mind twisted the real world with dream world. Slowly closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. As I went to exhale, someone or something collided with me, knocking me to the floor. My eyes snapped open as I silently prayed that I were out on the street in the real world. "I'm so sorry."

"Accidents happen." I gave the person a weak smile, they returned it with a nod and went on their way. Pulling my jacket tighter, I seemed to wrap my arms around myself as I started a slow walk. My eyes on the ground as I walked, letting the cold wind wrap round me as my pace picked up a little bit. When I decided to look up, I found myself at the entrance to a park. Entering the park, I sat myself on one of the benches. Very few people were around. A couple of mum's talking as their children happily played. A few dog walkers around.

I looked around carefully, taking in every piece of scenery, the way the trees stood, the way they move as the wind swirled round them. The way the birds flew above, in their groups ready to head south for the winter. I found myself listening to all the sounds that surrounded me, every squeak that came from the swing, each word I heard from other people's conversations, the sound of the birds talking to each other as they settled upon the metal railings. I listened to wind as it whipped around, making everything in its path shiver. The whistles, the barks, everything seemed so real. This is the real world, my god the real world was such a beautiful place. So peaceful, so care free. Nothing could take the beauty of it away.

My lips started to curl up into a smile as I realised that I had actually managed to come outside without having a breakdown.

One step closer to beating my fear.
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What do you think so far? Let me know because I'm curious, this is my first proper story so I'd love to know what everyone thinks.

Thanks to:

vickyptv
targaryen.
for recommending!

Next update = Sunday/Monday as I have a few assignments to catch up on as well as a ton of revision. I will see you all soon! :)