Fear.

Pacing my apartment I felt myself become more tense with every sound I heard. My dreams haunting me even more, I refused to leave the safety of this place but I questioned on whether I was truly safe here or not. I could run away again but outside isn't safe. Nowhere is safe.

Fear coursing through me with each beat of my heart. The thought of whether to end this everlasting torture buzzing through my mind as I glanced at the pistol resting on the table. Pull the trigger. End this nightmare. My feet stopped as I stared at the pistol. One step forward. Pull it. Two steps forward. End it. Three steps forward. My arm reaching down, picking the cold metal up turning it over in my hand, studying it carefully as I debated my fate.

Pressing the gun in the same place my mother had held it in my dream, I closed my eyes. My heart pounding against my rib cage, my hands begin to shake as my eyes fill with tears soon followed by my body trembling. My finger becoming ever so slightly tighter on the trigger, ready to pull it any second now.

Pull the trigger, bitch!

The gun dropped from my hands as my whole body jumped at the sound of frantic knocking on my door. The boy who called himself TJ was now stood in my apartment, locking the door behind him. As he turned, his eyes instantly locked onto mine.

Fear spread across his face.



"What do you mean, she just went crazy?" I questioned, lighting up a cigarette. TJ had calmed himself down enough to actually tell me what had him so scared.

"She was making dinner next thing I know she's coming at me with blood drippi---" I motioned him to be quiet as a loud thump echoed through the apartment. The thumping continued, the only sound you could hear beside that was our breathing. Two voices spoke up. Both voices coming from the same person. One spoke English, the other in a language I didn't recognise. One voice of a normal girl, one which sounded somewhat sinister. As the footsteps retreated, a loud crashing sound came from the balcony doors. My head spun to see a girl stood there, laughing the most terrifying laugh you can hear, smirking the most sinister smirk you will ever see. Blood smeared across her clothes and face. Cuts covering her visible skin.

"Lily go home!" TJ called from behind me. My whole body was now frozen, staring at the young girl.

"That's not Lily." I muttered. I shut my eyes quickly, muttering the words go away over and over again. Slowly opening my eyes, she had gone. This wasn't real, I was imagining things. There's no possible way that dreams could cross over into the real word. Dreams can't affect the real world, dreams aren't real. It's not real.

Fear controls the way you see things, it puts dream world into reality and reality into dreams. It's beginning to take over my life again. But sure as hell, that had to be real. The hand prints on the balcony door still there. Red, bloody hand prints tainted to doors. Laughing at me, mocking me as I tried to shake the dreams away from me. As I tried to convince myself that I was awake and not sleeping. The hand prints didn't go away and I was completely one hundred percent awake.

As I reached the balcony door, I stood upon my tip toes trying to get a better look to see where this Lily person had gone. The only thing I saw were multiple people dropping on the side walk across from the building. Each twitching as they lay on the ground,. "No. I am awake and this is not real!" I yelled out loud. "You are not real. You can not beat me. I am real, you are not!"

"Sian? You okay there?" his voice came from behind me. I shook my head, in a bid to make it go away. This couldn't possibly be happening, please get back in my head and stay there. Do not control my sight. You can not do this to me. I stepped away from the doors, pulling the curtains across to prevent from being mocked any more. Yes, that's what it is. My mind mocking me. My own sanity laughing at me as it continues to torment me as I try to keep myself from once again going insane. Deep breaths, that's all I need. In, out. In, out. In, out.

I slumped against the wall, my knees up to my chest as I felt my body rock slightly as a set of arms held me. Could he sense I was in a state of pure terror right now? No. I was beyond terrified, I was beyond petrified. That thing was all part of my imagination. I'll wake up soon and everything will be okay.

Have you ever really lived in total fear of something? I spend my days living in constant fear. I've tried every form of treatment to beat it, it doesn't work. Nothing works, it consumed me a long time ago, it's in my mind, body and soul. There's no escaping it any more. It's all around me. It's in the walls, laughing at me as I cower in a corner praying for the end.

You can run but you can't hide.