Can You Fix the Broken?

Jack thought having everything out in the open would help restore some of his comfort around Alex.

He hated that he was wrong.

Alex could tell something was up with Jack. The morning started out okay but as they settled in for a movie, he could tell something was off.

Jack was fiddling with his hands and biting his lip. Anytime Alex moved, Jack would tense, as if waiting for Alex to hurt him. He tried to be patient with the scared boy. He would do whatever it took to make him comfortable but nothing seemed to work.

He started off sitting close but then realized that probably wasn't the best idea. When Jack got like this, being too close was never a good idea. He tried moving away but that seemed to make matters worse. He didn't know what Jack wanted and it made him feel horrible. He just wanted to crawl inside his head and figure out what to do.

Jack knew he was being weird. He just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Alex to get tired of waiting and just leave. Part of him was worried he would turn into the monster from his nightmare and take what he wanted. He was caught between wanting to crawl into his boyfriend's lap and just asking him to leave. He really couldn't stand this awkward silence much longer.

He reached over and brushed his hand against the other's.

Alex's head snapped up and locked eyes with Jack. The raven-haired boy gave him a shy smile, and lightly pulled his hand closer to himself. Alex got the hint and curled himself into his boyfriend's side.
Jack started stroking his hair away from his face with gentle fingers.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into the caramel colored hair.

Alex looked up and him in confusion but Jack was staring at the movie on the screen.

"Sorry for what?"

Jack sighed, "Being weird. Every time we take a step forward I always have to bring us 4 backward. I wish this could be easier."

Alex pressed a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Jacky how many times do I have to tell you that I'll wait? Or that I don't mind your mood swings? Or that you couldn't scare me away? I'm in too deep babe. I'm so incredibly in love with you and I just wish you could see that!"

He didn't mean to get emotional but it was too late. He also didn't mean to tell Jack he loved him but it slipped. Alex tensed while Jack remained silent, he wasn't sure what the other was thinking.

After a minute of silence, Jack spoke.

"I want to love you too. I feel it everyday, like tugging on my heart and I'm so scared of it Alex. I want to let it take over but I'm still so scared. I just.."

Alex sat up and out of Jack's arms. His eyes were watering.

"That's not fair Jack. I can understand the no-touching thing. I can understand the silence and the hesitations but how could you ever doubt my love? How could you, for a single second, think that I would take advantage of you? After everything?! It's not fair! I'm not Him!"

Jack was taken aback. He didn't mean to doubt Alex's love but that's what he was doing. He knew Alex loved him but he was scared to love him back. To have him leave and break his heart.

He took a deep breath and tried to explain this to the boy. His boy.

"That's not what I meant. I just...I'm scared of heartbreak Lex. I keep waiting for you to grow tired of me or find someone better. Someone who lets you touch them and touches you in return. Someone who doesn't shut up and tells you everything you want to know. I'm scared I wont live up to your expectations."

Alex let out a sob and crawled onto Jack's lap. He rested his head in the crook of his boyfriend's neck and cried.

Jack held him close and took his turn to be the one who was doing the comforting. Alex pressed his forehead against Jack's.

"You know, when I was like 13 and I realized I liked dudes, I kept picturing what the love of my life would look like. Would he be taller than me? What color would his eyes be? Would he like Blink? All that stuff but I never really saw myself ever meeting someone because I couldn't picture anyone. I didn't have a dream guy. I didn't know what I was missing until you. From the first moment I saw you, I knew."

Jack opened his mouth to reply but Alex put a finger to his lips.

"I treasure every second I get with you. Every touch, every laugh, every everything! I can't get enough. So stop waiting for something to go wrong. Please. Let me love you because I know you love me back. You just gotta let those walls break down baby. Just let yourself fall and I promise I'll catch you."

Jack surprised Alex with a forceful kiss. Alex rolled with it and opened his mouth underneath Jack's. He pushed his back into the couch and crawled on top, never breaking the kiss. Jack's hands roamed underneath his boyfriend's shirt. His hands danced around the boy's belt and started to undo it with shaky fingers.

Alex broke the kiss with a gasp, "Jack, baby, listen you don't have to."

Jack ignored him and kept going, hands trembling.

Alex lifted his hips to help Jack get his pants off. Once he was in his boxers, Jack sat back to admire the beauty in front of him. He kept staring which caused Alex's face and neck to turn a rosy red.

He held out his hand to Jack. The raven haired boy smiled and took it; Alex pulled him down so they were pressed tightly together.

Jack kissed every piece of bare skin his lips could reach. "You're right."

Alex picked Jack's head up, "Right about what?"

Jack leaned down for a light kiss. "About me loving you."

Jack was still scared of being with him like this, of admitting things this serious, but the look on Alex's face made everything worth it.

"So you do? You do love me?"

Alex held his breath as he waiting for the answer.

"Yeah. I love you."

Alex rolled them over and took his turn to shower Jack with kisses. "I love you too."

He relaxed on top of Jack and continued to watch the movie, tracing invisible shapes on Jack's chest. It seemed the storm had passed once again.