Mulholland Drive
01/01
Two Weeks Later
She turned over in her state of wakefulness, the blankets twisting around her as she rolled onto her back. Her blue eyes were bright in the darkness, just making out the ceiling in the dim gloom of the room. The breathing of the man next to her was muffled as he was basically buried under his half of the duvet. He snuffled and snored briefly for a moment before falling into a deeper sleep.
She thought she had done the right thing. She thought she knew that; deep in her heart of hearts she thought she had known that this was the right path. That was this was the one that would cause the least pain for all involved. The only thing she didn’t know, however, was that if it was so right – why she felt so goddamn restless, unsettled and just upset about it all. She rubbed the back of her hand over her lips as the ghosts of old kisses came back to haunt her. She sighed in frustration as the feeling of kisses merely migrated from her lips to her neck, tracing old patterns.
It was clear sleep wasn’t going to come to her this night. She got up, being careful not to wake the sleeping man in the bed. She left the bedroom and made her way into the study, before turning the computer on. She had some articles to work on anyway, she supposed that 3.43am was as good a time as any to work on them. She sincerely doubted that inspiration was going to come to her in a flash tonight, however.
Two Weeks Earlier
‘You’ve been very quiet tonight,’ said Frank, looking across at her as he drove the car down the familiar road to secrecy. His hand was on his knee, the warm touch familiar and secure.
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m sorry; just a bit preoccupied is all’
‘If you’re thinking about John again… we’ve been through this. This makes you happier, so surely that’s a good thing?’ he asked, his voice quiet.
‘It does’ she admitted before saying, ‘It’s just so wrong. All of it. To John and to Jessica’
Frank sighed and turned down the road to where they would part. After exactly eighteen seconds of road and white paint they turned left into a parking lot. She was silent for a moment as he killed the engine, the powerful car suddenly still underneath her. He got out and moved around to her side of the car, opening the door on her side. She slid out and he closed the door behind her, before locking it. He was very close to her, as they always were. She could smell his aftershave and her eyes couldn’t help but trace the sexy curve of his jaw as he moved closer to her.
‘I don’t want to have this conversation again,’ he said softly, ‘It’s getting tiring Eliza’
‘I know it is’ she said, ‘And I’m sorry. I don’t want to be like this – I love you! But I’m married to John. And you’re engaged to Jessica. It’s not like I can just walk away, or make you walk away from either of those things’
‘And we don’t have to,’ he said moving closer until she was backed up against the car and he was stood in front of her, his hand moved to tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, before kissing her lightly on the cheek.
‘This is working for now,’ he said
‘For now, Frank?’ Eliza said desperately trying to see past his beautiful hazel eyes, ‘Didn’t you hear what I just said – as I’ve said a million times to you and you’ve said to me – I love you. That’s not something that settles “for now”!’
‘Shhh! Keep your voice down,’ said Frank urgently, his head moving up and looking around; as if expecting to find wrath bearing down upon him.
Eliza didn’t say anything, she merely huffed and raised her eyebrow at him before muttering, ‘Case in point,’
Frank didn’t say anything in reply; she knew he had nothing meaningful to say. It had all been said. His hands were still on the car either side of her, and her eyes moved to the scorpion tattoo on his neck. She could the artery pulsing under the skin, something it did as he became agitated.
He did what he always did when he didn’t know what to say; he kissed her deeply, her mouth responding to his immediately. He knew that his kisses had a certain effect on her; in the same way hers did to him. For each other there was no one else. Others paled in significance. And yet they were stuck being apart. Oh why had they not met earlier? This was a question she had often asked of the stars on many a sleepless night. His hand went to the side of her ribs where he could surely feel her racing heartbeat as they got lost in the kiss; her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, ensuring that he wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want him to leave and yet she was going to tear them apart.
She was torn and conflicted, as she always was. And yet here, in his embrace, she felt like she could throw everything to hell and the consequences be damned. They broke for breath a moment later, but he left his forehead resting against hers as her toes steadily uncurled. Being in Frank’s arms was like nothing she had ever experienced… and never would again. The guilt came back to suffocate her once again, a great black cloud darkening her thoughts and making it difficult for her to breathe. She broke away from him and got her bag off the backseat.
‘I have to go Frank,’ she said turning back to him, ‘I love you, but I can’t do this anymore – it’s destroying me. It has been for months if I’m honest. When we met I knew you were the one for me. Except I already had someone. It was like the moon falling in love with the sun, but already being attached to a jealous star’
Despite himself and the look of shock on his face, he couldn’t help but grin at her use of a sweeping metaphor. It was one of her traits, something she did unconsciously but that always made him smile.
She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands across her face in anger, in attempt to stop the tears she knew were going to fall the second she left.
‘I have to go,’ she said, and with that she turned on heel and walked away. Her high heeled shoes clicking across the tarmac. He didn’t call out to her, or try and stop her. He could see the light on his house, just across the street and four down. From here he could even see the silhouette of Jessica moving about in their bedroom. A wave of guilt washed over him and he knew exactly what Eliza was talking about. With Eliza it was if heaven and earth had shifted, as if he knew once and for all what true love was about and nothing would ever come close again. But Jess was his girl. She had been since high school, when she’d picked him up and dusted him off so many times that he’d lost count. He owed her his loyalty. And yet twice a week for the past eight months he’d been betraying her; meeting up with the love of his life. Eliza was right; this was destroying everything they held dear, including their own sense of what was right and wrong. And yet… it was her. She was the one.
He let out a deep sigh and thrust his hands into his pockets before walking across the street and to his front door. He let himself in and locked the door behind him. Eliza would be about a third of the way home by now, the speed she walked out. In his mind’s eye he could see the gait of her walk and the way her hips swayed due to the heels she was wearing. He snapped himself out of it just as he began to imagine her curves in those tight leather leggings she had taken to wearing recently. He slung his jacket into the music room, knowing Jess wouldn’t go in there – his jacket smelt of Eliza’s perfume, he couldn’t have Jess finding it. He shut the door with a snap.
‘Honey?’ came a call from upstairs.
‘Yeah it’s me’ Frank replied, ‘I’ll be up in a second!’
He shook his head, in an attempt to block out this evening. He couldn’t believe that that was it. His Eliza had walked away – despite her love from him and his for her – she had left.
Two Weeks Later
Eliza sat staring at the bright, and empty, screen in the darkness of the early morning. She was replaying that night in her head again; one of the nights that had haunted her dreams since it had happened. She still felt his kisses, and the look on his face as she had walked away. He had tried calling, texting, he had even dropped around one time when he knew John would be out. She’d pretended to not be there – despite her car in the driveway. It was so hard; the feeling for him hadn’t diminished at all. The way she felt when he gave his soft little giggle, or the way he kissed her on the forehead, the way he looked when he said he loved her, the way he made love to her… they were all feelings piled on top of her all the time.
She signed onto Facebook, being surprised to see the chat bar with anybody in it, other than her step-cousins in Australia. One name caught her eye – Frank’s. He was awake too. She was always loathe to message him on such an open platform; what if he’d accidently just left it logged in and it was Jessica using it?
As she sat there, deliberating, a sudden swell of necessity came over her. She realised that none of it mattered. Her work, her laughter and her love meant nothing with him. He’d made her whole life so vital. They were in such a mess, but it was a mess that meant something if she knew that they had something. Hearts were breaking anyway.
She clicked on his name and the little chat bubble appeared. Her fingers ghosted across her keyboard as she typed.
Eliza: Are you awake?
The reply came back almost instantaneously.
Frank: Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. It’s been pretty bad.
Eliza: I know. It seems as if nothing else has been on my mind lately.
Frank: Same. Look… maybe…
Eliza: Maybe we could make it work?
There was a pause as he typed, stopped and then started typing again.
Frank: Yeah. I can’t do this without you. We need to talk, but I love you. In a way that I have never loved anyone else.
Eliza smiled in spite of herself, a warm feeling creeping up from her toes throughout her entire body. No matter times he said he loved her, she knew it would always make her smile like a schoolgirl.
Eliza: Meet me at the corner of Mulholland. I’ll be there in ten. I have to see you.
She signed off, feeling for all the world like an illicit teenager. Not a grown woman in her late twenties. But she didn’t care; it was like gravity had shifted once more. This wrong path just felt so right.
She turned over in her state of wakefulness, the blankets twisting around her as she rolled onto her back. Her blue eyes were bright in the darkness, just making out the ceiling in the dim gloom of the room. The breathing of the man next to her was muffled as he was basically buried under his half of the duvet. He snuffled and snored briefly for a moment before falling into a deeper sleep.
She thought she had done the right thing. She thought she knew that; deep in her heart of hearts she thought she had known that this was the right path. That was this was the one that would cause the least pain for all involved. The only thing she didn’t know, however, was that if it was so right – why she felt so goddamn restless, unsettled and just upset about it all. She rubbed the back of her hand over her lips as the ghosts of old kisses came back to haunt her. She sighed in frustration as the feeling of kisses merely migrated from her lips to her neck, tracing old patterns.
It was clear sleep wasn’t going to come to her this night. She got up, being careful not to wake the sleeping man in the bed. She left the bedroom and made her way into the study, before turning the computer on. She had some articles to work on anyway, she supposed that 3.43am was as good a time as any to work on them. She sincerely doubted that inspiration was going to come to her in a flash tonight, however.
Two Weeks Earlier
‘You’ve been very quiet tonight,’ said Frank, looking across at her as he drove the car down the familiar road to secrecy. His hand was on his knee, the warm touch familiar and secure.
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m sorry; just a bit preoccupied is all’
‘If you’re thinking about John again… we’ve been through this. This makes you happier, so surely that’s a good thing?’ he asked, his voice quiet.
‘It does’ she admitted before saying, ‘It’s just so wrong. All of it. To John and to Jessica’
Frank sighed and turned down the road to where they would part. After exactly eighteen seconds of road and white paint they turned left into a parking lot. She was silent for a moment as he killed the engine, the powerful car suddenly still underneath her. He got out and moved around to her side of the car, opening the door on her side. She slid out and he closed the door behind her, before locking it. He was very close to her, as they always were. She could smell his aftershave and her eyes couldn’t help but trace the sexy curve of his jaw as he moved closer to her.
‘I don’t want to have this conversation again,’ he said softly, ‘It’s getting tiring Eliza’
‘I know it is’ she said, ‘And I’m sorry. I don’t want to be like this – I love you! But I’m married to John. And you’re engaged to Jessica. It’s not like I can just walk away, or make you walk away from either of those things’
‘And we don’t have to,’ he said moving closer until she was backed up against the car and he was stood in front of her, his hand moved to tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, before kissing her lightly on the cheek.
‘This is working for now,’ he said
‘For now, Frank?’ Eliza said desperately trying to see past his beautiful hazel eyes, ‘Didn’t you hear what I just said – as I’ve said a million times to you and you’ve said to me – I love you. That’s not something that settles “for now”!’
‘Shhh! Keep your voice down,’ said Frank urgently, his head moving up and looking around; as if expecting to find wrath bearing down upon him.
Eliza didn’t say anything, she merely huffed and raised her eyebrow at him before muttering, ‘Case in point,’
Frank didn’t say anything in reply; she knew he had nothing meaningful to say. It had all been said. His hands were still on the car either side of her, and her eyes moved to the scorpion tattoo on his neck. She could the artery pulsing under the skin, something it did as he became agitated.
He did what he always did when he didn’t know what to say; he kissed her deeply, her mouth responding to his immediately. He knew that his kisses had a certain effect on her; in the same way hers did to him. For each other there was no one else. Others paled in significance. And yet they were stuck being apart. Oh why had they not met earlier? This was a question she had often asked of the stars on many a sleepless night. His hand went to the side of her ribs where he could surely feel her racing heartbeat as they got lost in the kiss; her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, ensuring that he wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want him to leave and yet she was going to tear them apart.
She was torn and conflicted, as she always was. And yet here, in his embrace, she felt like she could throw everything to hell and the consequences be damned. They broke for breath a moment later, but he left his forehead resting against hers as her toes steadily uncurled. Being in Frank’s arms was like nothing she had ever experienced… and never would again. The guilt came back to suffocate her once again, a great black cloud darkening her thoughts and making it difficult for her to breathe. She broke away from him and got her bag off the backseat.
‘I have to go Frank,’ she said turning back to him, ‘I love you, but I can’t do this anymore – it’s destroying me. It has been for months if I’m honest. When we met I knew you were the one for me. Except I already had someone. It was like the moon falling in love with the sun, but already being attached to a jealous star’
Despite himself and the look of shock on his face, he couldn’t help but grin at her use of a sweeping metaphor. It was one of her traits, something she did unconsciously but that always made him smile.
She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands across her face in anger, in attempt to stop the tears she knew were going to fall the second she left.
‘I have to go,’ she said, and with that she turned on heel and walked away. Her high heeled shoes clicking across the tarmac. He didn’t call out to her, or try and stop her. He could see the light on his house, just across the street and four down. From here he could even see the silhouette of Jessica moving about in their bedroom. A wave of guilt washed over him and he knew exactly what Eliza was talking about. With Eliza it was if heaven and earth had shifted, as if he knew once and for all what true love was about and nothing would ever come close again. But Jess was his girl. She had been since high school, when she’d picked him up and dusted him off so many times that he’d lost count. He owed her his loyalty. And yet twice a week for the past eight months he’d been betraying her; meeting up with the love of his life. Eliza was right; this was destroying everything they held dear, including their own sense of what was right and wrong. And yet… it was her. She was the one.
He let out a deep sigh and thrust his hands into his pockets before walking across the street and to his front door. He let himself in and locked the door behind him. Eliza would be about a third of the way home by now, the speed she walked out. In his mind’s eye he could see the gait of her walk and the way her hips swayed due to the heels she was wearing. He snapped himself out of it just as he began to imagine her curves in those tight leather leggings she had taken to wearing recently. He slung his jacket into the music room, knowing Jess wouldn’t go in there – his jacket smelt of Eliza’s perfume, he couldn’t have Jess finding it. He shut the door with a snap.
‘Honey?’ came a call from upstairs.
‘Yeah it’s me’ Frank replied, ‘I’ll be up in a second!’
He shook his head, in an attempt to block out this evening. He couldn’t believe that that was it. His Eliza had walked away – despite her love from him and his for her – she had left.
Two Weeks Later
Eliza sat staring at the bright, and empty, screen in the darkness of the early morning. She was replaying that night in her head again; one of the nights that had haunted her dreams since it had happened. She still felt his kisses, and the look on his face as she had walked away. He had tried calling, texting, he had even dropped around one time when he knew John would be out. She’d pretended to not be there – despite her car in the driveway. It was so hard; the feeling for him hadn’t diminished at all. The way she felt when he gave his soft little giggle, or the way he kissed her on the forehead, the way he looked when he said he loved her, the way he made love to her… they were all feelings piled on top of her all the time.
She signed onto Facebook, being surprised to see the chat bar with anybody in it, other than her step-cousins in Australia. One name caught her eye – Frank’s. He was awake too. She was always loathe to message him on such an open platform; what if he’d accidently just left it logged in and it was Jessica using it?
As she sat there, deliberating, a sudden swell of necessity came over her. She realised that none of it mattered. Her work, her laughter and her love meant nothing with him. He’d made her whole life so vital. They were in such a mess, but it was a mess that meant something if she knew that they had something. Hearts were breaking anyway.
She clicked on his name and the little chat bubble appeared. Her fingers ghosted across her keyboard as she typed.
Eliza: Are you awake?
The reply came back almost instantaneously.
Frank: Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. It’s been pretty bad.
Eliza: I know. It seems as if nothing else has been on my mind lately.
Frank: Same. Look… maybe…
Eliza: Maybe we could make it work?
There was a pause as he typed, stopped and then started typing again.
Frank: Yeah. I can’t do this without you. We need to talk, but I love you. In a way that I have never loved anyone else.
Eliza smiled in spite of herself, a warm feeling creeping up from her toes throughout her entire body. No matter times he said he loved her, she knew it would always make her smile like a schoolgirl.
Eliza: Meet me at the corner of Mulholland. I’ll be there in ten. I have to see you.
She signed off, feeling for all the world like an illicit teenager. Not a grown woman in her late twenties. But she didn’t care; it was like gravity had shifted once more. This wrong path just felt so right.