One Door Closed Another Left Open

By the time my mother realizes something is wrong, it is too late.

She walks through the bathroom door, and screams. There lays her only daughter, dead. The cuts are raw and open, but aren’t bleeding anymore. She falls to her knees as her future husband comes over wondering what is wrong. He hasn’t known the child very long, but can’t help but stare in horror at the young life lost. My mother checks for a pulse, desperate to find something anything. She is blinded by tears, and demands her boyfriend to call an ambulance. She mistakes her pulse for her daughters. She holds her lost child, rocking her back and forth, praying for her to wake up. She hears the sirens outside but refuses to move. Even as the EMTs come through the front door she can’t let go. It takes her boyfriend pulling her off of her daughter to make her release so the EMTs can do their job. They swear they catch a faint heartbeat and started rushing around, connecting an air mask to the girl’s face.

The mother is hysterical, calling her sister and informing them that her daughter has tried to commit suicide. She makes a post on Facebook to ask for prayers and help. Immediately people start responding people who don’t really know the girl but grew up with her mom. Everyone knows that the loss of a child is a sacred pain that no one deserves to feel. When they get to the hospital the mother and boyfriend are forced to sit in the waiting room. The mother gets a direct message from two people, both friends of the girl. One was from her friend whom she had grown up with since early middle school and who had helped her through her first time facing depression.

"I'm praying for you and your family. I can't believe this is happening, I love Marie so much. She just has to make it through. Please keep me updated."

The other was from a girl whom Marie had basically adopted as her own. She and Marie had grown so close in the short time of knowing each other. The mother doesn’t really understand how two people so different in age could be as close as they are.

"Which hospital are you at?"

The mother replies to both just as her Sister and her family walk through the hospital double doors. Everyone has tears flowing down their cheeks. Marie's aunt has always been the one she turns to when she feels like she couldn't express herself fully. Her Aunt has just remarried to her new uncle, but he and Marie connected immediately. Her two cousins are polar opposites but equally looked up to Marie. The boy just having started high school is completely torn when he hears what has happened. Marie's Aunt actually wouldn't have brought the kids if he hadn't insisted on being there. The little girl isn’t even 14 yet, and has the closest to a stoic face out of everyone. Marie taught her that, to be strong when others couldn't be.

Not ten minutes later and the doors to the hospital slide open again. This time, a small crowd of teenagers come running through with tears falling down their faces. All of Marie's friends, her true friends. There are five in total, three girls and two boys, each having hung out regularly with Marie ever since meeting her. The girls are hugging each other and the guys try to comfort them as they join the others in the small waiting room. Everyone is wondering why she did this. What pushed her over the edge? Some think it is the fact that she is lonely. Some think it is because she is too busy trying to please others instead of doing what she wants. Some can’t even imagine why she would leave them behind. They all blame themselves, if just a little bit.

They all look up when they hear the doors into the back of the hospital creek open and slam shut. The doctor asks for the party waiting for Marie. The mother stands up as tall as she can, praying that her baby girl is stable and alive.

"I'm sorry," is all that anyone hears. The girl's friends have gone into shock. The mother breaks down along with her Aunt and cousins. She is gone.

It has been weeks since the girl’s death. Everyone knows. Some are pissed and some are past the point of grieving. The little girl whom Marie had adopted has relapsed and started cutting again. Marie's cousin has had to skip school because of his depression. Her mother has left the country to be with her new boyfriend, crying nearly every day over her lost child. There are more people at the girl’s funeral than anyone expected. Perhaps Marie didn't know how many lives she had truly touched. Several people talk at her funeral. One girl, who had bullied Marie, speaks of how sweet and caring and happy she was. The boy who message Marie's mother first stands up and punches her.

"How dare you! You didn't know her! None of you did! Who was there when she talked about getting away? Who was there when she wanted to kill herself the first three times? I was. So don't you dare stand there crying over her grave. She doesn't need your tears now. She doesn't want any tears now. She is in a better place where assholes and hypocrites like you no longer bother her. When we closed the door to this casket, we accepted the fact that she went through the final door of mortality. She would hate to see all of us here crying over her dead body. In fact she would probably smother all of us until we were nearly suffocated within her hair. I lost my best friend. A lot of us lost our best friend. That's who she was to anyone worth her breath. No matter how many times you broke her trust or her heart, she would always give you another chance. Even when she refused to verbally admit it, she always gave you another chance. She was the mother some of us never had, a sister that some of us never really wanted. Her worse fear was ending up alone, and now she can't. She is with God and family that have already past. She will never be alone now. I may want her back so fucking badly. I may want to just hear her sing one more time without a care in the whole damn world, but I know the peace she has now would never be possible for her here, not with the troubles that always seemed to seek her out. She got to slam the door in pain’s face, and she did it with a fucking smile. God, I love you, Marie," he chokes, tears falling down his face.

Several people are stunned into silence. Marie's mother and Aunt walk up and hug the sobbing boy and help him away from the platform. He is soon encased in a group hug by those whom Marie had truly trusted in, the only ones she thought would notice she was gone. They have noticed, and have been affected by her choice more completely than she had ever thought. The band she had tried to put together falls apart. Her original trio of friends still moves to L.A. though, and make their own way. Her mother isn’t able to have any more children, but adopts three siblings. Everyone moves on with their life, but the door that was opened when Marie walked into their life is never fully closed. The only true closure they ever get is knowing that Marie finally closed the door on her suffering and it will never open again.