Only Colours

Things had finally started settling down between the four of them when one rainy morning Mikey woke up to find Jude on his couch. Mikey's mum was already up, concern dominating her colours, but she had no idea how bad things really were. Something had happened. Something terrible.

Mikey had never seen Jude's colours burn this brightly before, not ever. Usually when he was upset his colours were dominated by anger, but this was pure grief, the pain of loss. Had someone died?
Mikey curled up against Jude's side, terrified, and waited.

"Zion's gone," Jude said eventually, and the feeling that ran through Mikey was like a knife through his heart. Gone.

"Gone? Where?" Mikey asked, scared, desperate. "Is he coming back?"

"I don't know where. Hell, even he didn't know where he was going to go. Is he coming back? I don't think so. I hope so."

Mikey always hid his emotions, he hid them so well, all the pain and the fear. He couldn't hide it them, though, couldn't stop the tears. He buried his face in the crook of Jude's arm and let them come. His chest was so tight it hurt and he couldn't think, no thoughts but he's gone he's gone he's gone. His friend, his friend who had brought them all together, who had involved Finn in their group, who had given Jude someone to love in a new way. He was gone.

The doorbell rang and Mikey clung closer to Jude. Go away. Go away go away go away. Unless it was Zion coming back, or Finn was there...

Mikey felt a touch on his shoulder and looked up to see his mum’s colours with a man and some colours standing behind her. Mikey forced himself to focus on his mum until he could see her, hear her words. “There are some men here who need to talk to you and Jude about Zion. I know you can't see them, but will you cooperate if Jude passes on what they say to you?”

“It’s all right, mum,” Mikey said, and pointed at the one of them he could see. “I can see him.”

Mikey didn't like the look of him, though, the swirl of his colours. He was instantly suspicious. There was malice there, and when the man’s eyes cut to Jude, sliding casually down Jude's body, attraction. Jude was sixteen and the man looked at least forty and this wasn't okay because Zion was the only one who was allowed to look at Jude like that and Zion was gone and it wasn't fair.

“Well." Mikey's mum looked between Mikey and the man uncertainly. “I’ll leave you alone to chat.”

As she left the coloured blob went to stand near the door and the creepy man sat down in the armchair across from them.

“Hi boys,” he said with a smile. “My name’s John McCartnnon. You can call me John if you like. I'm with the police.” When neither of them said anything, he continued. “I need to speak with you about someone you know. Zion Brighton?”

“What about him?” Jude asked. There was plenty of anger in his colours now.

“We need to have a talk with him," John said. "He’s gotten himself into a bit of trouble, you see — I don’t know if he told you about it — and it’s imperative that we sort things out.”

Zion was in trouble? They could sort things out? Maybe the man wasn't as bad as he seemed. Maybe he could help them and then Zion could come back and everything would be okay again.

Jude wasn't so convinced. “We don’t know where he is. We don’t know where he could be. He’s gone.”

“You will tell me everything you know,” John said. “You will be honest with me. Zion is very dangerous and it's important we make sure everyone is safe. We won't hurt him. We want to help him.”

Dangerous? Mikey hadn't known that. Zion had never seemed dangerous. But that didn't mean he was bad. Mikey knew he wasn't, and John wanted to help him so that was good.

“Like I said. I don't know," Jude said. Mikey didn't know why he was still being so hostile when John was trying to help Zion. Jude had to know John was telling the truth, didn't he?

“Hmm,” John said as he turned to Mikey. “Do you have anything to tell me?”

“I don't know where he went,” Mikey said. “He was staying in a church but Jude said he left, that he's gone away. He goes to the park near here a lot too but I think if Jude says he's gone he won't be there either.”

Mikey wished he knew more, wished he could tell John where Zion was so that John could help him. Jude seemed to be of a different mind, though, because he elbowed Mikey in the ribs and glared at him.

“What?” Mikey asked, confused. How could Jude be reading John so wrong? “He just wants to find Zi so that he can help him.”

"You have no idea where he may have gone, then?" John asked.

"No, sorry," Mikey said.

"Thank you for your help anyway," John said, and took out two business cards that he placed on the coffee table in front of Mikey and Jude. "If you see your friend again, you will call me."

"Yeah, that's unlikely," Jude said as he picked up the business cards and began tearing them up.

"Jude!" Mikey said and tried to grab the cards. "We can't call him if you ruin the cards!"

Jude held them away so that Mikey couldn't take them. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

What the hell was wrong with Mikey? Nothing! What was wrong with Jude, ruining their chance to see Zion again and make everything okay? He just couldn't understand why Jude was behaving this way. Was he just so angry that he couldn't see reason? That wasn't like Jude. Sometimes he lashed out, sure, but he'd never sabotaged something important like this before. Even through his anger he normally maintained rationality.

"Well, this is interesting," John said, and thankfully he didn't sound at all offended by Jude's behaviour. If anything, he sounded amused.

"Get the fuck out," Jude growled at him.

John stood to obey, which was maybe for the best. Jude didn't seem like he was going to cooperate and it was better John left before Jude did something to make him angry. "It seems the two of you will be unable to help me in finding your friend. A pity. Even so, I feel this meeting has been far from a waste of time. Meeting you has certainly been intriguing, Jude."

"I really want to punch you in the face right now, but I don't want to get charged with assault," Jude told him, and yes, it was definitely time for John to leave. "Every second you're here, I feel more and more like it'd be worth it."

John just smiled, though, still completely unconcerned. "Come along, Brandon. I think we've learnt all we can from these boys. For now, in any case."

"I'm sorry Jude was so rude when you're just trying to help," Mikey told John when he headed for the door. Maybe if Mikey was nice it would make up for Jude being so impolite.

"Why were you so mean?" Mikey asked once John and the blob were gone. "They just wanted to help Zion."

"No, they didn't. He was lying. How could you not tell that was bullshit?"

Mikey didn't like the way that made his stomach feel because Jude should know, that was his specialness, how could he not know?

"He wasn't lying!" Mikey insisted.

Jude just stared at him, and in amongst the anger and the fatigue and the grief there was just as much confusion as Mikey felt. Eventually he shook his head. "I can't do this right now. I'll talk to you later."

Jude left and for a while Mikey just stood there, staring out of the doorway, lost and confused and alone. It didn't make sense! Had Mikey been wrong about Jude's specialness? But even if he had been, Jude at least had very good instincts. What had just happened?

Mikey jumped when his mum's hand touched his shoulder, luring him from his thoughts.

"What did they want?" Mikey's mum asked when she materialised in front of him.

"To know where Zion was. He went away but we don't know where."

She drew him into her arms, safe and warm, and Mikey felt like he was five years old again. Nothing was okay. Would it ever be okay again?

Jude wasn't at school on Monday so Mikey went to the library with Finn at lunch. Mikey didn't know if Jude had called Finn or if John had visited him too, but he could tell from Finn's colours that he knew about Zion. Though not as bright as Jude's, the feeling of loss was clear in Finn's colours.

Tuesday was the same, no Jude, but on Wednesday he showed up at school. Mikey tried to talk to him but they still disagreed about John and it just turned into a fight. Mikey would have been happy to agree to disagree, but Jude was unwilling to compromise.

Finn was upset because Mikey was upset, and he tried to cheer Mikey up with small gifts. A bracelet made of plastic beads that made Mikey smile. Chocolate biscuits, a little rubber ball that flashed when you bounced it, a whole bag of candy. It wasn't that easy, though. One of his friends was gone and one wasn't talking to him. Nothing could brighten his mood for more than a few seconds.

Jude avoided Mikey for another week before trying to talk to him again, but that had the same result as their previous conversation. How could they ever move on if Jude was going to be so stubborn? Should Mikey just lie and say he agreed with Jude?

A few days after that Mikey was laying in his bed, stewing over the problem. Perhaps it was time to go back to basics, to try to understand Jude's perspective.

John had been a little creepy at first. That could have gotten them off on the wrong foot, couldn't it? That shouldn't have mattered, though, not when something as important as Zion was on the line. But how hadn't he known John was telling the truth when Mikey had?

And then it felt like the bed had fallen out from under Mikey because... because he had known, hadn't he? There hadn't been any doubt in his mind. But how? How had he known? There was a squirming in his stomach because he couldn't answer that. He knew things about people, knew them for sure, because of the colours. But he couldn't remember John's colours, what they had been, not after he'd started speaking. So... so why?

The surety Mikey had felt began to fade. Jude had had just as little doubt about his position on the matter, and he'd had his specialness to guide him. As far as Mikey could remember, he'd abandoned his in favour of blind trust.

He didn't know why he'd done it. How had it happened? The last colours he could remember from John were inappropriate attraction towards Jude and a sense of malice. Gradually out of self doubt came certainty. Jude had been right. Mikey didn't know what had happened, what John had done, but somehow he'd been tricked. He had to find Jude, he had to tell him he was right.

Mikey left the house without telling his mum and went straight to the park. He knew Jude didn't live there or anything, though sometimes it felt like it, but despite knowing him for almost two years Mikey still didn't know where he went when he wasn't there or with Mikey. Not really.

He was there, though, sitting on a bench and feeling as sad and lost as Mikey was. Mikey ran to him and jumped onto the bench, slamming their bodies together. He buried his face against Jude's chest. "He was a bad man! He was but I thought he wasn't, I thought he was telling the truth but he wasn't and I don't know why I thought that!"

"What happened?" There was plenty of worry in Jude's voice, but Mikey was relieved to hear no anger.

"I don't know, I don't know," Mikey murmured. He wanted to explain it but he couldn't because he didn't know! "Something was wrong with my brain and it's better now and I'm sorry. I should have listened to you but I shouldn't have even needed to because I should have known."

Mikey had been scared Jude would still be angry at him, would blame him for his error, but instead Jude just patted Mikey's back as Mikey apologised over and over again.

"Come on," Jude said when Mikey finally ran out of words. He stood and pulled Mikey up with him. "Let's get you home. Your mum’ll be worried."

Mikey rubbed his eyes to clear the tears that clouded them. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah, sure."

Mikey hesitated and then asked, "Do you think Zion would forgive me?"

A swell of pain ran through Jude's colours. "Yeah. Yeah, of course he would."