Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real...

In my small family, I was the shadow. I was younger than my two older siblings by six years, and I spent a lot of my childhood lagging behind them, desperately trying to attain the same level of pride from our parents that they had. Amy was smart. She had dreams of being a vet or a doctor or something important, and she constantly brought home good grades in school. Matt wasn't as smart, but he was passionate, mainly about his music. Our parents got onto him about grades, but they praised his voice and his musical ability.

My grades were bad. They were always bad. I had such bad anxiety that it was hard for me to concentrate and pay attention in class. Eventually I was placed on anti-anxiety medication that helped me to feel more normal. I was twelve when this happened. I'm twenty-two now. That simple drug prescribed for a simple disorder eventually became an unexpected gateway to something more terrible, more terrible than any of us could have ever thought.

If I could start again
A million miles away
I will keep myself
I would find a way...

Hello, my name is Kirby Taylor Sanders and I am addicted to methamphetamine.