Life as We Know It.

Lauren Linnea Radfurd

I groaned into the toilet bowl, gripping onto the porcelain as I threw up for the fourth time of the morning. This wasn't the first time that this has happened, yesterday morning as I was getting ready to start my day, I threw up twice. And the day before that, I threw up a total of seven times throughout the day. I honestly didn't think I had any food left, but somehow I felt throwing up.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, flushed the toilet after shutting the lid, and then washed my hands and brushed the taste of bile out of my mouth. I knew why I was throwing up, I just can't come to terms.

"Lauren, are you okay?" my mom wrapped on the bathroom door.

I opened the door with a nod, "Yeah Ma, I'm fine. Probably just food poisoning from that place I ate at with Gemma the other day."

"Want me to make an appointment with Dr. Burns or something?"

I shake my head, heading down the stairs, my mother following me. "Did you take your medication?"

This time my mom shakes her head no. I give a sigh, I know that she doesn't like taking them but it's necessary. I unscrew the child proof lid on the orange prescription bottle and shake two out onto the counter. I fill a glass full of water and remove a banana from the bunch before handing them to the woman that I share my hazel eyes, and small nose with. I color my hair a lighter blonde or we'd have the same sandy color hair as well.

My mom purses her lip but in the end she places the two tangerine colored pills on her tongue and swallows them with a large gulp of water. I smirk as she mumbles a few rude words while she peels the banana and takes a bite. "Happy?"

"Most certainly. Is Pops coming over today?" My mom answers me with a nod and another bite of the banana. "I told Gemma that I'd go over there this morning."

"Does she want to come over for dinner tonight? I'm making spaghetti."

"Her mom and Herman are in Napa Valley at some wine thing until late tonight, so she's stuck with the kids."

"Oh, okay. Well tell her that we all miss her and expect to see her more once school starts up. It's next week, you know."

I cringe, "Don't remind me."

I don't bother changing from what I slept in. I just grab my small purse that is really more of a wallet than anything else as I slide into some old flips flops and head for my beat up two door Alero.

Gemma lives out in butt fuck nowhere. She lives on the outskirts of town on about a million acres of land that houses a wine vineyard. Her step father owns about three other vineyards, but the one in his backyard is his baby, his pride and joy.

Herman, Gemma's step father, also owns a number of liquor and wine stores from Sacramento to San Francisco, thus having a very comfortable life where money is concerned. I used to be self-conscious when I first saw Gemma's house since my condo is about the size of a mouse hole compared to her bedroom alone, but I quickly got over it. Gemma isn't the type to flaunt her money, or her parents’ money as she reminds everybody. She also told me that she prefers it at my place; it's cozier, not like a museum.

I punch in the code to the garage connected to the house and let myself into the den. The oldest of her half siblings, Mason, is watching Spongebob on the TV. I tell him hello but his eleven year old mind is heavily concentrated to the sponge that I go unnoticed.

I find Gemma, wild curls pulled to the top of her head, two year old Posy on her hip while flipping over pancakes.

"Hey," she smiles when she notices my presence. "Were we supposed to do something today? I thought I told everyone that I was stuck with the hooligans today."

So I lied to my mom; I hadn't made plans with Gemma. But I knew that she had something that I needed, or rather her mom did. "Uh, actually we need to talk."

"You drove all the way out here to talk to me? There are phones for a reason, you know."

"It's a face to face type of talk."

"Must be important. We can talk once I get breakfast in them," she motions to her two other siblings that are sitting in the breakfast nook. "Want some pancakes?"

I shake my head but join the kids at the table while Gemma finishes up in the kitchen and shouts for Mason to join them. Soon everyone is situated at the table and stuffing their faces with pancakes and giving syrupy smiles to the chef.

Brock and Bethany, who are seven year old twins, join Mason in the den after helping put their plates in the dishwasher, and Gemma, Posy and I ascend up the curved stairs in the foyer, up to Gemma's bedroom.

Gemma sits on the floor with Posy and I retreat to the bed, sitting on my fingers so I'll stop biting at them. I watch as Posy and my best friend take turns playing hugging on a small baby doll. Posy laughs as Gemma squeezes it tight.

"So, what's up?" Gemma asks nonchalantly not bothering to look at me.

I don't answer for a while, but Gemma senses my hesitation. She looks up at the small decorative clock on the wall. "Guess what time it is Pos? Nap time."

"No, no, no!" the little girl shouts, crossing her arms.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Gemma chants back, standing up to scoop Posy into her arms. "You woke up at six o'clock this morning, so nap time is a bit earlier."

"No, no, no!"

"The faster you fall asleep, the quicker you can get up. And when you wake up you can have some apple juice," apple juice was always the bribe that got Posy to do anything.

Gemma exited the more only to come back a few moments later with a baby monitor in hand. She plops down on the bed, releases her hair from the large plastic clip and it tumble down around her face. The amount of hair she has is ridiculous. "Start talking, hoe."

"I don't want to," I glance down nervously.

"Fine, tell it to me in Morse Code."

"Who the hell knows Morse Code anymore?"

Gemma shrugs. "I know the gist of it, they had something about it on the History Channel."

"Only you," I laugh.

"So are you going to tell me what's up, or am I going to have to guess?"

"Uh, you can guess," because I really couldn't say it. If I said it, it would be true.

Gemma ponders a moment then asks, "Does it have to deal with Rico?"

Rico Arguelles has been my unsteady, on again off again boyfriend for most of our junior year. The relationship is a toxic one in itself, but I can't bring myself to fully end it. I love him and he loves me, no matter what we do to each other.

But what I have to say does deal with him. I hate that my best friend knows me so terribly well, it's impossible to keep secrets from her really, because most of the time she knows the secret before you know it yourself. She's just that damn intuitive. So I nod.

"Okay, so you and Rico are currently in the 'on again' phase because you told me, in detail I might add, about your ridiculous make up, monkey sex. And how he might not be the biggest guy but what he lacks down there he makes up for with these," Gemma wiggles her fingers with a smirk, obviously making fun of my sex life.

"Fuck you," I grumble.

"You were the one that kept going on and on, wanting to describe every position and detail."

"You're not getting any, so I thought I'd help you out," I retort.

"Your sex life with Rico does not help me out in the least. But back to figuring out what you won't tell me. You're lucky that I'm basically Sherlock Holmes, if you asked Alison or Natalie to guess, I'm sure that they'd think you were trying to tell them you are moving to Mars," Gemma kids at our other best friends expense.

Both Alison and Natalie are not the brightest bulb of the bunch. Alison tries but normally gives up whenever there's a sale or a boy looks her way. Natalie just doesn't have time to actually think, between two jobs just trying to maintain a 'C' average is a struggle.

As I think about our other friends I don't notice that Gemma has stopped talking and is staring me dead in the eyes, with a look of horror engraved in her face. Damn, she figured it out.

"No. Fuck no. Please tell me that what I'm thinking isn't right," she tells me.

"I don't know for sure, I'm just late. I've been throwing up for the last three mornings," I tell her without making eye contact.

Gemma lets out a large sigh then gets off her bed and walks out of her room again. This time instead of returning with a baby monitor, there are two pink boxes in each of her hands. Gemma hands both of them to me then crosses her arms over her chest.

"Pee on both of them."

I nod and make my way into Gemma's adjoining bathroom. I avoid the mirror as I rip open the package and skim through the directions. They are directions I thought that I would never read. Moments later I come out of the bathroom, both of the tests rests on the granite counter tops next to the sink.

"We have to wait for a few minutes before we get a result."

Gemma nods and I take a seat next to her on the bed. Bile begins to rise in my throat but it's just from the nerves as the two minutes pass.

"Will you look for me?" I whisper to Gemma.

She gets up without a word and disappearing from view from view for a second before reappearing with both tests in hand. Wordlessly she hands them to me but I've already seen what it says.

"I'm not going to congratulate you. I want to throw you down the stairs by your hair, but you're pregnant so I can't do that," Gemma says angrily.

I know what is about to come next, a very harsh lecture. Gemma is known for that; her swift kicks in the ass when you fuck up. But she is always there for you, no matter how big the fuck up is, or if she agrees with it or not. That's probably why I came to her instead of anybody else. That and I know that her mom would have the tests.

"What are you going to do?" Gemma asks.

"I don't know. I can't believe I'm..." I couldn't day the word.

"Pregnant? Well you are. That's what you get for not using a condom. How many times did I tell you that you would end up pregnant or with some disease? God I was praying for the disease."

"Rico doesn't like condoms," I come up with an excuse.

"You two are the stupidest people ever," Gemma tells me. "Rico isn't going to like the fact that you're pregnant either. So out of condom or baby I think that you two would have picked condom every single time."

"You're making me feel worse, you know," I pout.

"Good, you deserve it. If you wanted to be babied you should have went to Ali or Nat. I'm going to yell at you then I'm going to do whatever you want me to do, whether that is to make an appointment for an abortion or an OBGYN or an adoption agency."

I take a deep breath, tears escaping from my eyes. I'm too young and naive to raise a baby, but I can't bring myself to even think about an abortion and I'm too selfish to think about adoption realistically.

"You don't have to make up your mind right now. You can sleep on it for a few days. Tell your parents and Rico. You know I have to tell my mom, she's going to notice that two of these are gone," Gemma holds up one of the tests that are still in her hand.

"I can't tell them right now. But we can tell your mom tonight when she gets back, it'll be a practice run for my folks."

"If my mom doesn't kill you," Gemma shrugs.

We hear Posy begin to stir from her crib in her room. "Want to get her. If you keep it, you're going to need all the practice you can get."

"Nah, I'll just give it to you to raise until it's about seventeen and a half and then I'll take over," I smile trying to make light of the situation.

Gemma shoves my shoulder lightly, causing me to fall back on the abundance of pillows she has on her bed. Once Gemma leaves the room my fingers flit over my stomach. There's a person growing inside of me. It's terrifying but I find myself smiling as I think about hearing my child laugh just like the one Posy gave while playing with one of her toys. I wanted to hear that sound, I wanted be the cause of the laugh.

And my mind was made up.