Love, Lies, and Friendship

Things between me and Josh started to get better again, well, that is to say, things weren't as tense between us because we hardly ever saw one another. He was out with Clara or his band mates quite a lot, and I had started dating Zak. I'd reached a point with Josh where it was so difficult to talk about things now, without it blowing out of proportion, that I'd pretty much forced my feelings towards him out of my head completely.

"Babe. You ok?" Zak's voice mixed with the sensation of his lips on my cheek pulled me out of my thoughts. I smiled and nodded, kissing him properly. The movie playing behind us was completely forgotten as he pulled me onto his lap and ran his hands up my back, pulling off my shirt as he did so. Knotting my fingers into his hair, I kissed him harder, welcoming his grip on my hips as he pushed up against me, raising arousal inside me. I growled lightly and bit down on his lip, making him grunt and start undressing both of us quickly.

With me and Zak, it was all heat, all sex, just going with the flow and being entirely honest about our feelings. In and outside the bedroom. It made for a more refreshing relationship, hardly any fights or disagreements ever happened, but we were still in the stage where one kiss or a gentle touch could turn into a full-on fuck.

Zak was leant back over the arm of the couch, moaning loudly as I buried his clock further in my throat and offered my ass up further for him to grope, when Josh walked in.
"Fuck yea- oh, shit!" I pulled off Zak hesitantly, not quite ready to interrupt my erection indulging activity, and met Josh's eyes.

"What...what the fuck is this?"

"This is you interrupting what was about to be one of the best fucks of my life." I wasn't scared like I thought I'd be if Josh ever found us. If anything, I felt more confident, and was trying to provoke him into just letting out whatever he'd been holding back for the last few months. Zak started getting dressed as Josh cursed again loudly. I stood up, not particularly caring that I was still fully erect and pulled him into one last heated kiss before he left, somewhat begrudgingly.

"How could you...what the...why the fuck should I have to see that in my own apartment!!!"

"Oh c'mon, the amount of times I've walked in on you and Clara, or been kept awake or woken up when you two fuck." Josh looked away and shook his head.

"C'mon Josh. Say whatever you've got to say!"

"I don't-...you make me sick! You really do." He stormed off into his bedroom and I was left alone, hurt pricking at my eyes and anger boiling in my blood.

I ignored the texts I got from Zak, and just sat on the couch, feeling rather deflated, until Josh came out again.
"Anyways, I don't know why you're putting all this shit on me! You're the one with the problems that you can't face! You're the one who's sick, who's gay, and who picked up the first guy he met just to have someone!!" I blinked in shock and Josh stood there, looking a bit sheepish.

"I..." I didn't know what to say and just pushed my shoes onto my feet and left.

"Oli I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said-"

"You stay away from me!!" I yelled and walked faster, but Josh was behind me, and the pressure behind my eyes and the pain in my chest was building up rapidly. Tears started to fall and I started running with them.

"Oli!!" I ran through the throngs of people, praying to get to my building without Josh seeing me. I raced into the lobby and up the stairs, my heart pounding in my ears. I burst out onto the roof and collapsed on the floor, gasping for breath, sobs falling out of me desperately.

Josh's POV.
I got out onto the roof, feeling thankful for the last few months of playing football with the lads as my breathing wasn't too laboured. My eyes fell on Oli's little body, scrunched over in the middle of the roof, and my heart sank painfully.

"Oli." My voice came out as a croak. All I could hear was my own heartbeat, and his deep, raggedy breaths and cries.

"Leave." He managed to get out and I walked closer, he suddenly scrambled to his feet when I touched his shoulder, his eyes were wild when he faced me. And I could see his pain in them.

"No."

"Just stop it! Why do you have to keep doing this to me Josh??" His hands pulled at his own hair, his voice pleaded me for an answer that I just couldn't give, and he looked insane.

"I don't...I'm sorry I- Oli, look you just...I mean it's all very well saying that what I just said is horrible. It was horrible and as your friend, I shouldn't have said it-" Oli bent over onto the railings, still in tears.
"But it doesn't change the fact that it's all true."

"What do you know?! You..you fucked me up so bad!! I know I had problems before, but this was you!!! You do this then tell me I'm sick and I'm wrong and-"

"How is it my fault?!!"

"You know! You've always known! You ignore it because you think it's not okay but-"

"I don't know what you're-"

"I LOVE YOU!!" His words hit me like a fist, and we just stood there for a moment, looking at one another, the wind pulling at our clothes and hair like hands trying to break up a fight. He shook his head slightly and leant on the railing again, looking out over the city. Watching him, tears started to fall down my own face and I knew all reason in my mind had long since gone.

"What that's...that's it? You just say that then turn away..?" Oli looked at me.

"What do you want me to say, Josh? I think everything's been said by this point." His voice was dead, and it hurt more than anything else. He frowned at me.

"Why are you crying? You've made a choice, and it's-"

"I can't stand it....I hate seeing you like this...it hurts me! It hurts when you cry...it hurts when you're in pain, but I just don't know what to do anymore and I-" His narrow body was pressed close to mine as he hugged me tightly. I breathed in sharply and hugged him back, his scent drifting in through my nostrils with every breath. Having him my arms seemed to make everything slot into place. Like all the other problems just...drifted away. I pulled him back, my hands going where they wanted to, my mind staying utterly disconnected. When his eyes met mine I knew it was all ok. I kissed him, the second our lips met my mind re-engaged and it was desperate, we were both in tears, but it was good, like a tight band had been lifted off my chest. I kissed him with total abandon and the relief and pure love that blossomed in my chest made me never want to let him go.

But, let him go I did, and he wiped away tears before speaking.
"What changed?"

"I'm....I'm an idiot. I..." He kissed me again gently.

"I think we both are..." I clutched him tighter to me.

"We need to get off this roof, it's fucking freezing." Oli mumbled against my chest, making me laugh unexpectedly.

"Let's go."

Oli's POV.

I was surprised when Josh let me go but held onto my hand, almost out of instinct. I held it happily, a swell of feelings so strong hitting me each time I looked at him, or concentrated on the feel of his skin against my own.

Could it be love? I'm not sure. But it was pretty damn near incredible.