Love, Lies, and Friendship

The next few days were tense. Jordan was the first to hear about my sexuality, and he wasn't surprised, he was almost happy. The weight off my shoulders when I told him shocked me, and he listened to everything that had happened with Josh with a sympathetic, then angry look on his face.
"Fucking hell....that bastard...doing this to you, doesn't he realise what it's done to you?!"

"Don't be angry, there's no point. I've said all that needs to be said, now I just want to come out and get on with my life, Josh will just have to choose wether or not he's ready for that yet."

The walk home was surprisingly bright, and I couldn't help but think about who would be best to come out to next. My family was the obvious option, but they were up in Sheffield. Although, the shop was going steadily, I had time on my hands, why not? Then I could actually talk to my band mates too.
I'd already decided to make the trip by the time I got home, and Josh was watching a movie when I walked in.
"Hi."

"Hey....just spoke to Jordan."

"Oh? What about?" He asked, not looking at me.

"You know what about."

"Ah....was he...ok...?"

"He was relieved. He was happy." Josh nodded and I bit back irritation.

"I'm going back to Sheffield, Josh."

"What?" He said urgently and scrambled to his feet.

"I need to see my family, and my band mates, I need to tell everyone, I need to know how everyone feels about it-"

"But you just...I thought we were getting past this Oli, I didn't go to see Clara this morning, I thought that..."

"Do you hear yourself right now?! I don't know what your problem is with me coming out, but do you have any idea how fucking bad this is for me? I didn't realise until I told Jordan, but it's like a band wrapped around my chest, and I can't breathe properly. That's how I feel Josh!! You don't seem to get that-"

"Of course I do! I'm going through the same thing!" I sighed heavily, the beginnings of a headache starting to appear just behind my left eye.

"No you're not. Cause you're not prepared to accept it yourself, let alone tell anyone else. Look, I think we need some distance. We just clash and fight all the time now, and I hate it. I need to see my family, and you need to- stop it." He'd approached me and started touching me and kissing my neck, somewhat hesitantly.

"Why?"

"Because you're trying to make me stay and I need to go-Josh-" His lips cut me off and I couldn't help but whimper slightly, desire curling in my stomach and the desperate need I had to cling to him made me push him away.

"I'm going to pack." He reached out for me but I'd already gone.

Leaving him wasn't easy, to say the least. He asked me to stay, he thought I was trying to punish him, he didn't understand.
The train journey was boring but relaxing, finally able to get away from the distractions of Josh, Clara and work, I could actually think about things and relax a little. The closer I got to Sheffield, the happier I got. It wasn't until I stepped off the train, moved through the familiar station and approached my dad's car outside that I started to get nervous.

"Oli!!" He wrapped me up in a tight hug and I hugged him back, finally feeling like I was safe for the first time in weeks.

"Hi dad, thanks for picking me up."

"Wasn't gonna leave you was I? It's been so long, your mother can't wait to see you, her and Tom are sorting out dinner." Climbing into the familiar old Volvo estate, the faint smell of cigarettes and soft mints taking me back to my childhood.

A bombardment of greets, hugs and kisses hit me when I walked in the door. Mum standing there asking dozens of questions and not giving me time to answer before moving onto the next one, before running off to check on the dinner. Tom then spoke in that quiet friendly way he always did, asking about the tour, and how things in London had been the past few weeks. I, of course, simply said that everything had been alright. It wasn't the right time. I hesitated though, and I could see my dad give me a narrow look out of the corner of my eye. As I picked up my bag to take it to my old room, dad muttered something about needing to talk to me and followed me upstairs, Tom returning to the kitchen with mum.

"So what's happened?" He asked, leaning against the doorway.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, Oli. Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes. Something's happened in London to make you come rushing back here out of the blue. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you came back, but I want to know why." His words were slightly stern, but said in the caring tone of voice he usually took with everyone.

"Fine...I guess I better tell you first before those two." He sat down on the chair in the corner and I sat on the bed, and slowly explained everything, not in detail, to try and prevent any further irritation, should there be a problem. My pulse pounded in my eardrums as silence fell between us, and I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath. My father sat there, staring into space as he thought, eventually he nodded slowly.

"I'm glad you told me first. I think it's gonna be....something of a shock to your mother." I nodded, sadness creeping in.

"Hey, don't think for a second that I'm not ok with it, Oli. I'm your dad, come here." Relief flooded my veins as my dad offered me a hug.

"I just mean that your mother might not think about what she's saying before she reacts. You know how she is. As for Tom, could go either way-"

"Boys! Dinner's ready!" My dad clapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you telling them tonight?" Nerves rushed in again and I shook my head.

"I don't think I can, on the first night...no, no I should do it...I should but....no, I think I'll wait until tomorrow, are you ok with that?" He nodded.

"Of course. You need to do this in your own time, don't rush it, Oli. Not for anyone."