Love, Lies, and Friendship

Explaining to the guys what had happened to my knee wasn't easy. We came up with some long drawn-out story involving us getting drunk and me tripping over. It's quite possibly the worst and most cliché story we could've imagined.

Still, they bought it.

My dreams involving Josh got worse and worse, and I managed to hide it for a long time, a couple of months, before people started to notice there was something wrong.
I strained to put every last scrap of energy into work, and writing lyrics. They all noticed my gradual, furthering detachment to spending time with them, but I couldn't bear to see him anymore, couldn't bear the friendly contact that he now offered me more and more. It meant that he'd forgotten, forgotten about the way we'd felt that night. Or decided to bury it, and succeeded. I wasn't sure which was worse.

One night, I was pulling on my shoes to try and sneak out again to go to the office and do extra work so I wouldn't have to be at home, and Josh came out of his bedroom.
"Oli, you're not going to work again."

"There's something I need-"

"Why are you avoiding me?" I couldn't meet his eyes and shook my head.

"I'm not, I just really want the shops to do well-"

"Oli, they've been doing well since the day you opened them. What's this really about? Have I done something?"

"No. You haven't."

"Then why can't you look at me?" My heart was hammering as I met his eyes.

"I can, I just wasn't. Fine, I won't go to work if it bothers you that much-"

"Hang out with me tonight. We haven't had a movie night in months." My stomach clenched but I forced a smile and nodded.

"Sounds good." He grinned and thanked me before going to get popcorn. I dropped my things in my bedroom and got changed into sweats.

Having him on the couch so close to me made my mouth dry and my heart beat too fast. He put his feet up and leant his head on my shoulder, making me want to run away in fear.
"Your bony little shoulder is like the least comfy thing ever."

"Don't lean on it then, you twat." He sat up and relied pooled over me until he decided to lay his head in my lap. I froze uncomfortably and tried to gather myself together.

"This film is too good." He mumbled.

"I know, makes me wanna be a master criminal." He laughed.

"There's an image." I smiled and settled back into the couch, concentrating on the movie. I must have fallen asleep because in the morning I woke up, lying in Josh's bed with no memory as to how I got there. I heard the toilet flush and he walked in.

"Oh, hey. You fell asleep on the sofa, I just brought you in here." He mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked equally as hot as he did cute, and my entire body ached with wanting to hug him. I just nodded and left the room, going to the bathroom. The second the door was locked, I was able to let a few stray tears fall.
When I emerged, Josh was already making breakfast.

"What do you wanna do today?"

"I've gotta go to work."

"Oli you need a break!"

"No I don't."

"Oh come on! You fell asleep during Ocean's Twelve for Christ's sake!! You need to give yourself a break. You're working too hard."

"Nothing wrong with hard work-"

"Lee and the guys have been calling me. They're worried. You hardly ever answer their calls anymore, they think you're slipping right back to where you were a few years ago-"

"STOP IT!!" He jumped as I shouted at him, he moved to apologise and I backed away.

"Don't. I'm not where I was a few years ago. You don't....just leave me alone." I went for a long walk around the city, sick of feeling so stifled by everyone.

When I came back, Josh was waiting nervously. He spun round and I held up my hands.
"I meant what I said." He nodded.

"Okay. Sorry for...well, whatever I've done that's made you feel so upset. But just...if there is anything you need to get off your chest, I'm here no matter what, ok?" I'd cried all my tears out, so I just nodded wearily and went to bed.

"You are so pathetic!! You're damaged!! Why does everything have to be such a drama with you??"

"You're not my fucking keeper! You're the one making a huge deal out of this just cause I didn't tell you-"

"Do you not realise how much it hurts me?" I stop, panting slightly, and Josh crosses the distance between us in no more than a few seconds. His hands hold my arms in a bruising grasp and yank me towards him roughly, kissing me with such abandon. He doesn't care that we're on a busy street.

"I love you for god's sake-"

I woke up with tears running down my face, I just turned over and pray I'd fall back into a dreamless sleep. It was a few minutes before I heard my bedroom door click quietly. I sat up, but no one was there.

In the morning when I walked out, Josh was already eating cereal. He nodded, but gave me space for which I was grateful.
"Did you come into my room last night?" I couldn't be bothered to be subtle. Josh nodded sheepishly.

"I checked up on you, I thought you were having another nightmare. But it seemed to be over when I came in, so I left you." I nodded.

"I was just worried it was someone else." He smiled slightly.

"Got plans today?"

"Was gonna work but...maybe you were right yesterday." He fought the smile off his face, but I could tell he was happy.

"So I might go watch the footy with Jordan." He nodded, looking slightly disappointed.

After we were both dressed, I pulled on my coat and threw his at him, making him jump. He looked at me in confusion.

"Got three tickets, who else am I gonna take?" He grinned and jumped over the sofa, racing out of the door with me.
Football was a good idea. A really good idea. Jordan said I looked like crap but was happy to have me out again. It was reassuring to get back to doing something normal, something fun with my friends, without too much stress of keeping my secret from the people closest to me.