Love, Lies, and Friendship

The following afternoon, I walked into the apartment, and froze. Josh grinned at me from behind the breakfast bar, and gestured to the blonde haired girl in the pretty dress facing him, her back to me.
"Oli!! This is Clara, Clara, this is Oli." She turned around and showed me her flawless features and perfect smile.

"Oli! I'm so glad to finally meet you!" I was forced to put on a smile, and say similar things, and accept her hug and kiss both of her soft cheeks.

"Clara and I have been dating for a while now, you've been at work so much I haven't been able to introduce you."

"He's been so worried about you, he talks about you nonstop!" I was forced to laugh it off.

I was forced to do a lot of things that afternoon. Pretend to like her flawless personality, which was just as beautiful as her face, talk to them for hours on end, pretend to be happy, not only for them, but in myself as well. I had to act as though the cutting pain in my chest wasn't threatening to explode, I was forced to hold back tears, anger towards Josh for springing this on me. Anger towards him for not giving me any warning.

But most of all, I was forced to accept the undeniable fact that my pain was partly my own fault.

She left at eleven o'clock that night. When she left, Josh turned to me where I was stood, frozen in the living room, all my pent up emotions having left me utterly exhausted.
"So, what do you think?"

"What do I think?" I repeated his words slowly, meeting his eyes. He nodded.

"I can't.." I trailed off and he looked at me nervously. I simply decided that I was too tired to get into telling the truth now, and so all I could summon in the ways of a reply was:
"She's lovely. Best girl ever." He beamed from ear to ear and rushed forwards to give me a hug which I was too tired to return or push away.

"Really?"

"Course."

"Thanks, god I'm so glad you like her! I was so worried!"

"How could I not? Anyway, look it was great meeting her, but I gotta go to bed. See you tomorrow." I was too weary to even cry.

Despite my exhaustion, I failed to sleep that night, instead I just lay there for hour upon frustrated hour, running the events over in my head until I felt sick. Josh got up uncommonly early, so I just got dressed and headed out to work.
"Oli what are you doing? It's six in the morning."

"I'm going to work. Spare me the lecture." He stood up quickly.

"C'mon Oli! At least have breakfast before you-"

"I'll see you later." I shut the door and left quickly.

Josh's POV.

I waited up until one o'clock in the morning, Oli didn't come home. The next morning I got up early again, I was watching TV when he came back. He sighed when he saw me waiting. Sadness and concern washed over me when I noticed how pale he looked, how prominent the bags under his eyes were.
"Where were you?"

"Working." He practically growled at me.

"Could've texted me."

"For fuck's sake-"

"Did you really think I wasn't gonna be worried? After the way you left yesterday?" He just sighed.

"I'm gonna go have a shower." He walked out and left me feeling irritated and worried.

Oli's POV

"Want something to eat?" Josh asked when I re-emerged after my shower.

"No. But thanks. Anyway, I'm-"

"No, you're not. You're gonna stay here and talk to me about what's going on."

"Oh for Christ's sake!! Just let it go, I'm a grown man I can look after myself-"

"But that's the thing!! You're not!!" I sighed and picked up my bag.

"I'll talk to you about this later, when we've both cooled off." He yelled my name when I left. I got several texts from Jordan, asking if I was alright, saying that Josh had been in touch. When there was a knock at my office door a couple of hours after our discussion, I felt anger begin to prick at my nerves already.
Jordan poked his head round the door before coming in.
"Hey!"

"Hi."

"Alright?"

"We both know that Josh sent you here to check up on me. What do you want?"

"Don't be like that with me Oli, I'm your friend. I'm just worrie-"

"Everyone's fucking worried!! There's no need to be. I can fucking look after myself!!!"

"I just don't want you to go back to-"

"Will everyone stop going back to what happened back then?! I'm a different person now! Yes, I'm going through a rough patch personally, but it's no one else's business why or what I'm doing to deal with it!!" Jordan raised his hands up.

"Ok. I'm sorry. Let's not talk about this anymore then. You've been writing lately?" Jordan stayed and we ended up going through lyrics for a few hours, and even creating some music to go with them. By the time he left, I was feeling much happier and more normal.

When I got home, I was grateful to see that Josh wasn't there. I felt too tired to bother cooking, so I just went straight to bed.

In the morning I climbed out of bed, feeling worse than ever, but I wasn't sure why. I could hear Josh in the shower, so I quickly got dressed, not wanting to face him when he was finished, and gulped down a glass of water before leaving.
I had a disaster at one of my shops, the one in Brighton, I was grateful for the excuse to leave the city for a few days. When I went home to pack, Josh and Jordan were there having beer, pizza, and watching football. My stomach growled at the smell of food but I ignored it, focusing on leaving. Josh saw what I was doing and came in.
"What are you doing? Are you leaving?"

"Just for a few days."

"What? Why? I thought that everything was ok..."

"Of course you did.....but no, that's not why I'm leaving. The shop in Brighton has had a break in, so I'm going down there to sort it out." Josh signed and I spun round.

"I'm the owner, Josh! That's what you have to do when you own a business, sort things out, take responsibility!!! Not that you'd understand that, but it's what you have to do!!"

"Not if it's making you sick-"

"HOW AM I SICK?!!" As I screamed, I felt lightheaded, but I suppressed it.

"You're not eating. You haven't eaten in the past few days Oli, and don't think I haven't noticed!! You're not drinking enough, you're not sleeping. You're working all hours. It's ridiculous!!"

"I'm fine!!" As I said it, I felt nausea wash over me from the exertion, I ignored it again, not wanting to prove Josh right, and packed the last of the things I'd need before grabbing the big bag, and promptly collapsing with it after only a few steps.

Josh's POV.

"Oh my god, Jordan! Oli, you ok? Can you hear me?!" I knelt down and picked up his limp body which felt frail in my arms.

"Jesus Christ, Jordan!" He rushed in and told me to carry him down to the car.

When we arrived, the doctor told me to put him on a bed, and soon I was told to leave the room, feeling utterly helpless as I did so.

Jordan sat with me as I buried my face in my hands and cried silently.
"Josh, has something happened? That I don't know about?"

"I pushed him into this, it's my fault."

"How?"

"I've been putting him under too much stress, he's been working to avoid me, I-"

"Josh. This is not your fault. Look I don't know what problems you guys have got going on at the moment, but whatever it is, just work it out. It was Oli's decision to overwork himself." I couldn't tell him what had happened, I just couldn't get it out.

The doctor walked out, looking at the test results.
"Hello Josh, I'm Dr. Harris. I need to ask you some questions concerning Oliver."

"Ok. How is he?"

"He will recover, in time. But I have to tell you that he is severely malnourished, and dehydrated. Does Oliver have an eating disorder, to your knowledge?"

"Not that I know of. I think he's not so much purposely not eating, as he is just...forgetting to eat, if that makes sense?" The doctor nodded.

"Absolutely. Well, do you know of any reason why Oliver would be under a lot of stress at the moment? Work? A relationship perhaps?" I shifted in my seat and Jordan excused himself to get coffee, knowing that whatever it was, I didn't want to say in front of him.

"I...Oli is going through some sexuality issues at the moment...I think....umm...."

"With you?" I looked at him and he chuckled slightly.

"Josh, I've been specialising in eating disorders for ten years, do you really think this is the first case like yours that I've seen?" I nodded.

"I guess that's true."

It was three hours before Oli woke up again.