Heart It Races

"Dad, where do these CDs go?"

"Are they blank?"

"Yeah."

"Just put them on the second shelf."

I looked around the studio, a good sized sound proof room added to the back of our house, impressed with the progress we had made. Cleaning out his studio was quite the chore, seeing as it had been awhile since he'd had any business, but that was about to change. Tomorrow, a band from Australia would arrive, scheduled to write and record for six months with my dad. They weren't big yet, merely a garage band that had played a few shows, but you have to start somewhere.

"Are you excited to get back behind all these buttons and levers?" I asked wiping down the sound board.

"Very! Especially after listening to their demo the other day, they have a lot of talent and will sound even better on professional equipment."

I nodded remembering when we had listened to it in the car on the way to buy groceries. I'd had trouble picking a favorite, but had eventually decided on one called Gotta Get Out.

"I'm not positive about this, but, I think they're gonna be going to your school." He informed, giving me a knowing look.

It was his biggest fear, I knew although he had never voiced it, that since I had moved here I had never found a group of people to befriend or even just one friend. I had acquaintances, plenty of them, but no best friends to have over on the weekend and do nails and tell my problems to. I don't know why it worried him so much but it did, causing him to go to lengths such as, inviting one of his college friends over, who had a daughter my age, or making friends with the neighbor who had twins just a year younger than me. It's not that I didn't like any of them, I just wasn't in to the same things, and not having friends didn't bother me.

It was quiet indicating he had stopped working. Brushing dark brown hair out of my face I looked up to meet his steel gray eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just- look at you, you're a senior, it's you're last year of high school, and I know there have been some rough spots but I'm really proud of you, Aspen."

"Thanks dad" I smiled softly as he got back to work. It was normal for him to say things like that, he was rather sentimental.

My dad and I had been practically best friends my whole life. He was extremely understanding, and very open-minded, he always wanted what was best for me, but also let me make most decisions for myself, the complete opposite of my mom. They had married at nineteen when my mom was pregnant with me but then divorce when I was seven, due to the fact that they were two completely different people, and were finally seeing it, as the fog of The Honeymoon Phase cleared. I lived with my mom, which I accepted, despite the fact that I was much closer to my dad, I only go to see him at holidays though, because right after their split he moved fourteen hours away to Austin, Texas "The Live Music Capital of The United States" in hope of kicking off his career as a producer and songwriter, which he did.

My mother was a devout Christian so at the age of fourteen when I told her that I didn't really believe in God, she was furious. There was screaming and yelling and throwing things and lots, and lots of praying. She called my dad on a rampage, talking 100 miles a minute about how I couldn't live with her because I would "bring evil into the house" and how "there's no way she would get to heaven with a non-believer in her house" blah blah blah, so the next morning I was on a flight to Austin, all my belongings packed, asking myself why I hadn't done this earlier. My dad was waiting for me happily at the airport and with open arms, telling me how excited he was to finally have me living with him and that he was proud of me for finally thinking for myself, the perfect parent.

The two of us finished cleaning making our way to the kitchen. It was Sunday night which meant breakfast for dinner because that was tradition.

"Pax, grab the big pan will you?" He asked using my nickname which he often did. Pax was the Greek goddess of peace and he had told me ever since the day I was born that I made him feel at peace. I'm not sure what that meant, he never elaborated, and I didn't ask. I assumed it meant that no matter what happened to him from that point on he would be okay knowing that he would always have at least one good thing in his life, meaning me, because it was a very peaceful thought.

"Your mom email me yesterday." He started as I began to crack eggs into a bowl.

"What'd she say?" My reply was nervous, hoping it was nothing too extreme, like her wanting me to move back.

"She wants you to visit for Thanksgiving."

I was surprised, she has never asked me to visit, she called occasionally, Christmas, and my birthday, things like that but never a visit. Although, I pride myself in being a merciful, compassionate person, I can't say I have completely let go of the grudge toward my mother, she had after all thrown me out. Where was the unconditional love?

"Do you want to go?" He prompted when I did not reply.

"I'll think about it."

"Alright kiddo, take your time, it's only September." His smile was sympathetic as he turned back to the toaster.

I didn't really want to visit my mother seeing how she was just recently remarried and had a new family complete with a twelve year old step son and a new born daughter. She obviously didn't need me.

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing, just, thinking."

"Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

"I know, it's just, I don't understand why she thinks she can just pick and choose when she wants me, and I know I shouldn't hold grudges but I can't help it!" I glanced up from my work to meet his eyes which were standing back at me, understanding.

"I know Pax, but think of it this way, if she hadn't, you'd still be living there under her thumb instead of with your cool dad!"

"Yeah, I guess my dad is pretty cool" I smiled, rolling my eyes slightly.

"What time will your clients be here tomorrow?"

"Well, their flight lands at around 8:00 AM, and then they have to go get everything squared away with the house they're renting, and then they'll be here, so definitely before you're out of school."

As I stood mixing the eggs around in the pan I couldn't help but feel a little excited to meet the new people, and hope that by some miracle they were exactly what I had been searching for the whole time I'd been here and we could be friends, though I would never voice that, I did hope.