Heart It Races

"Check that amp would you?" Luke asked Mike as they scurried back and forth on the stage, there was about an hour until the show and I couldn't help but giggle at how frantic they were.

"How were those tabs?" A voice, Colton, asked coming to stand next to me where I stood, off to the side of the stage.

"I haven't used them yet."

"Really?" He was surprised, "You're usually asking me for more by now."

"I know, I've been busy."

"Well they're really good, use them soon."

I nodded continuing to watch the boys. Colton offered me a cigarette but I declined, I didn't want them to see me. I don't know why I didn't want them to find out but it was important to me that it stayed a secret. "

"Is Vendler losing her edge?"

"I never had an edge," I rolled my eyes, "I just like things that maybe aren't so good."

He shrugged, continuing to smoke making me want one as well, but I wouldn't.

Once the boys had finished Colton's Uncle, Scott, showed them back to a green room type area where they would sit and wait for the show to start.

"Are you nervous?" I asked the four of them sitting down in one of the arm chairs.

Luke shrugged, "A little, but, if they like us, they like us, and if they don't, they don't."

"How is your YouTube video doing?"

"We've got like two thousand views I think, mostly fans probably."

"That's good though!"

"Yeah, and the album is coming along, things are getting serious."

They were so excited about their music and I was glad I got to see it firsthand.

Michael came over to me from where he was standing, pulling me out of the chair and sitting down, bringing me into his lap, my legs going over the arm rest.

"Hey." He poked my nose lightly.

"Sup?" I smiled, enjoying our close proximity.

"Not much."

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

He seemed to think about it, and I waited for his answer with baited breath. I wanted to ask him if he would do it with me, but I needed to know if he would be down for it.

Michael's POV

The worst thing I've ever done? I tried hard to think of it sifting through years of trouble ad less than pleasant experiences, trying to find the worst, but it was difficult. It was difficult with her ass planted firmly on my groin and the smell of her hair wafting around, assaulting my senses.

"What kind of bad thing do you mean?"

She readjusted herself and I held in a groan as she wiggled against my crotch. I looked up, making sure no one was watching us, knowing the boys knew I liked her, and they would no doubt mock me for if later, joking of course, but still.

"Like have you ever got crazy drunk and went streaking? Or gotten high and then gone to church?" She gave ideas.

I had done stuff before, but, I was worried about where she ranked on the scale of good and bad, and if I was worse, would she see me differently.

"I let a small mouse loose in my Algebra class once." That one was safe enough.

She laughed, putting a hand over her mouth, "Okay, that's bad, but I'm sure you've done worse."

It's like she could read my mind, "Well, there was this one time, I was like fifteen, I think it was my first time ever, getting high," I paused to gauge her reaction, hoping she wasn't repulsed, I knew she wasn't the perfect kid, and I was nearly positive I'd smelled cigarette smoke on her on several occasions, but I couldn't help still worrying about it. When her small smile remained intact I continued, "and, um, me and some of my friends thought it would be really cool if we made some spaghetti, so we went to the kitchen, the stove was a gas stove, and I guess we ended up playing with the fire and one of the boys, John, he had lit a hand towel," I shook my head, wondering how we could have been so stupid,"the thing got completely engulfed by flames. Then, he dropped it and then the floor mat caught on fire, and then the towel hanging on the front of the oven, the whole time all of us laughing too hard to bother with stopping it. Half his kitchen ended up in flames before his mum came home and called the fire department, it was bad."

A loud laugh erupted from her chest, her eyes squeezed shut, "That's awful! Did you get in trouble?"

"Not really, his mum was super pissed about the kitchen, but blamed him, and she found out about us being high, but agreed not to tell our parents as long as we never set foot in her house again."

"Sounds like a lucky break."

I nodded, agreeing.

"We should hang out after the show." She leaned her head back on the other arm rest.

"Sounds like a plan." I wondered if her invite was extended only to me, or to the boys as well.

"Showtime!" A sharp knock on the door sounded, signaling it was time.

Aspen hopped off of my lap, "I'm gonna go find Colton, and I think my dad and Veronica are here somewhere, good luck!" She gave each of us a hug before exiting.

"Let me get a picture before you go on." Liz said making us stand in a row.

"Get pumped!" Ashton yelled, bouncing excitedly on our way to stage, the rest of us falling in sync.

"Good evening everyone!" Luke paused as there were applause. The crowd was mostly what looked to be college kids, a few middle aged people here and there, but not many, a good thing for us probably. I spotted Asp and Colton standing together closer to the back, "I'm Luke!"

"I'm Ashton!"

"I'm Michael!"

"And I'm Calum!"

We had rehearsed this.

"We are 5 Seconds of Summer and we will be entertaining you for the next hour and a half!" Luke hyped.

"This is a song from our EP Somewhere New called Unpredictable!" I said into the microphone as we began to play.

My eyes found Aspen again and a warm feeling took over me as I watched her sing along excitedly, hair thrashing about, Colton laughing. I decided then that I would take her to a concert one day so that I could sing along and be crazy with her.

The show went on, and my eyes didn't leave her all night, and when we sang Gotta Get Out I couldn't help but play a little better and sing a little louder, remembering it was her favorite. We snag Beside You and Heartbreak Girl, and did a few covers, the crowd responded well, a few of them, obviously a little drunk, had told us to take our pants off, only Calum did but that satisfied them. Then it was over.

"You guys did so good!" Aspen cheered coming back to the green room, hugging us despite our sweat.

"Does that mean you want to be our first groupie?" Calum grinned cheekily at her, wiggling his eyebrows.

I glared at him, though he never looked over at me, Asp just laughing in reply.

"Are we still hanging out?" I asked her quietly, not wanting any of the boys to hear.

"I was hoping." She smiled her contagious smile, pushing hair behind her shoulder.

"Good."

***

"I vote we stay home from school tomorrow." She suggested, closing the door to her room as I laid down on her bed. It didn't seem like a bad idea, it was late already and staying home all day with Aspen sounded more than perfect.

"Okay." I agreed, pulling her down next to me, my chin resting on top of her head.

"I'm gonna ask you something, and if you don't want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to." She was nervous and it was weird because she often seemed so confident.

"Alright."

"I have this stuff," she stood grabbing something from her dresser, "Would you want to do it with me?"

In her hand were two little paper squares which I immediately recognized. LSD. I'd taken it once before, I liked it, but I'd have done it again. I knew what it made you do, laugh and talk a lot, unfiltered, I wanted to be that with her.

"Sure."

"Are you completely sure?"

"Positive. Your dad won't come in will he?"

"No, we should be fine."

She handed me one of the tabs and we each placed one on our tongues, waiting less than patiently for it to kick in.

"Have you ever done this before?" I now sat Indian style on the bed, her head in my lap. She held my fingers in her own, tracing them softly.

"Once." I answered, her green eyes looking back into mine.

"How long ago?"

"It was my sixteenth birthday actually. What about you?"

Then she laughed, a beautiful laugh, "Too recent, too often, I live by it. It makes me see clearer and it makes me think. Sometimes it leaves me with more questions than answers but I like that."

And then I thought, maybe, just maybe, this was the stem of her fascination with everything, and maybe, I was in for a better night than I had imagined.

***

"Can you feel it? Can you feel it Mr. Krabs?" Aspen whispered, dazed, both of us now laying down, brains jumbled, facing each other, our noses barely touching, the only illumination coming from the Christmas lights hanging by the ceiling. My arm was around her middle. It felt so good. I felt so good. We were so close and I couldn't differentiate her body heat from my own, making it feel like we had melted together. The bottom of her shirt had rose a little and my fingers found their way rubbing small circles on the small of her back. She bit her lip lazily, still looking up at me, and I wondered what was going through her head right now. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I let my hand move from her back, tracing over her top lip with my pointer finger. My brain was lagging making my finger appear longer and pointer than it actually was. I promised myself I would let my lips find hers while I was still confident, before the night was over.

"I'm really glad you happened." She said softly, moving her body closer to me. A few beats passed and we were still, making me wonder if she had said it as all.

"I'm gonna put music on." She then left my side, a chill coming over me as the space next to be became empty, my heat source gone, replaced with ice.

A song I had never heard began to play and I almost moaned at the combined comfort of the new sound and Aspen returning.

"What if we're really just a simulation produced by aliens?" She was lying with her hands dangling in front of her face now, completely absorbed by them.

"That would be creepy. Maybe we are. Maybe they put us here together in this moment to ask ourselves this question, to see if we will be smart enough to crack the code."

"That's scary."

"That would mean everything has no point."

"What is the point? Even if everything is real."

"Well... I don't know."

What was the point? To be a good person? To reproduce? It definitely wasn't to make money or be famous so why is that what everyone was so bothered over?

"I don't either, but, I think, despite what you believe about religion, or an afterlife, we should help people, because, then, you leave a legacy in a way you know? Because there will always be someone to remember what you did for them, and maybe that will change their lives, and then they will change someone else's and the cycle just keeps going and then you have indirectly touched the lives of so many people and you are a legacy."

I thought about it for a moment, thinking that yes, maybe she was right, but then thinking about change, and I wondered why it seemed to be so important to everyone.

Hours went by and together we found shapes and pictures and even some scenery in the shadows of her room, and then I looked at her and I had an epiphany. We use the word beauty because it's like summation of everything. Instead of making a list: Her sometimes wild, wavy hair, her big green eyes like new leaves in the spring, bright and vibrant, her smile, so full of life, her laugh adding to it. She was so alive. She was beauty in every sense of the word. And she was looking at me and I was looking at her and she leaned in her eyelids fluttering closed and so did I, our lips meeting in the middle. The kiss only lasted a moment, but the feeling of our mouths meshing together, becoming one, colliding with the chemical in running through my veins, allowing a new level to be added to my high, I was on a new level of bliss, and it was all her.