Refusing to Sink

Blakely Oren ran her fingers through her long, raven hair, watching Kyle make a fool of himself from the corner of her eye. She leaned against the side of Matt Newton’s shiny Range Rover, both her ankles and arms crossed in a position that automatically signaled anger. Her mouth was pressed into a hard line, irritatingly eyeing Kyle as he explained his Saturday night to Matt, using any gesture and inappropriate word that he could to purposely piss Blakely off. He was doing it on purpose. Everyone in bird’s eye view could tell by the smirk on Kyle Hartman’s perfect face that his intentions were to hurt and ultimately upset the only girl who had ever truly loved him.

There were so many things that Blakely wanted to say to Kyle, so many awful things she could have screamed and yelled until her lungs gave out, but she had decided, instead, to be the bigger person in the whole situation and keep her mouth tight shut. Yet it was only the first day of being back at school after the breakup, and she already felt as if her life was slowly falling apart, piece by heartbreaking piece.

“Breathe, B,” Gabrielle Mathews said softly, placing a gentle hand on Blakely’s wrist. “We don’t have to stay out here if you don’t want to. Maybe we can make a new tradition; meet in the cafeteria or something instead of out here.”

Blakely shook her head, dropping her arms to her side, her eyes directed to the gravel. She kicked at the small rocks with her boots, wishing that she hadn’t taken after her mother’s overwhelming amount of emotion. “We’re not leaving Lindsey out here by herself. I’ll get over it eventually.” Her words were barely louder than a whisper, but Gabby nodded. She knew better than to question Blakely’s motives, and she also knew not to bring up a subject that Blakely was desperately trying to drop. It was one of the reasons that they were best friends; they understood each other.

Blakely hugged her arms tighter across her chest, feeling the crisp October breeze even through the thick sleeves of her winter coat. A week ago, she had been standing in this very spot, with the warmth of Kyle’s letterman jacket around her shoulders and his hand placed gently on the small of her back. Blakely sucked in a breath, quickly trying to erase the memory from her mind. Yet there were so many of them; so many good times that she and Kyle had shared… so many special moments that she would never be able to have back, no matter how much she wished she could. And many terrifying moments as well, memories that they had kept stored away, unable to share with the world.

“If you think this week is gonna be wild, just wait until after the bonfire next Thursday.” Matt exclaimed with excitement, snaking his arm around Lindsey Walton’s tiny waist. “It’s homecoming, bro!”

Blakely’s face fell at Matt’s words, and she immediately felt the solemn eyes of Gabby and Lindsey staring straight at her. And glancing up, she even noticed the way Kyle had not replied to Matt right away, but instead peered at her from the corner of his crystal blue irises. There was a pregnant pause amongst the group, a silence that signaled the separation that had began because of Kyle and Blakely’s fallout as a couple.

Blakely had felt the tears welling in her eyes long before they began to fall, slowly rolling down her cheeks and streaking her foundation. It was the subject she had wanted to avoid the most: homecoming. It was the day in which she and Kyle were supposed to walk down the football field together, arm-in-arm as queen and king candidates. It was the night in which the entire school was going to vote for them as the year’s royalty, because they were the couple that everyone knew and loved at Mesa High. It had all been planned out perfectly to be the week of her life, the week that completely made her dreams of senior year come true. Yet every single one of these dreams for homecoming week were ruined, and it was all Kyle’s fault.

“Can we go now?” Blakely whispered quietly, squeezing her eyes shut in attempt to stop the tears from flowing. She could hear the conversation begin to pick up again, quieter, as Kyle did what he did best and changed the subject.

Gabby nodded quickly. She whispered something in Lindsey’s ear, who passed it on to Matt, before both girls turned and followed Blakely as she ran toward the school building.

“B, wait!” Lindsey called after her, the two girls struggling to keep up. But as soon as Blakely reached the safety of the school’s front hallway, she stopped.

“I can’t do this.” The words came quietly between her sobs, emotion bearing down on every syllable. Blakely swore she could feel her heart within her chest; swollen and broken and completely torn apart, struggling to keep it’s beat. After all they had been through together, after all of the shit he had put her through and the awful decisions he had ultimately made for her; Blakely was shocked that she was still breathing. If it wasn’t for the fact that her friends had been by her side during the breakup, she probably would have taken the selfish way out; and what would Kyle have to say then?

Her mother had done her best to prepare both of her daughter’s for heartbreak, but this was far more than a fairytale gone wrong. Blakely’s stomach twisted, the bile rising in her throat. He chose this for her; he lead her down what he described as the “right path,” and then he had left her in the dust. He left her scared and alone, left to fight through the battle she had been trying to overcome all by herself. And it was Blakely who was left to suffer and mourn.

“What do you mean?” Lindsey whispered, looking at Gabby from the corner of her eye. They had given Blakely a moment to explain her words, what she had meant when she said she couldn’t do this. But they knew. They didn’t need to ask, because they already knew the answer. They knew only half of the real story; the story that Kyle and Blakely had swore to keep to themselves. But they knew enough to know that Blakely Oren, gorgeous and popular and perfect in the eyes of many, was contemplating suicide.