Carolina in My Mind

She didn’t remember how she got there. She’d gotten into her car in Pittsburgh. That much Jenna was certain of.

She’d been thinking of him as she drove. It would’ve been their three-year anniversary today. She must’ve subconsciously gotten on the highway, because before she knew it, she was parked in his driveway five hundred miles south of Pennsylvania. She hadn’t remembered seeing the sign welcoming her to Raleigh, but to be honest she hadn’t really been paying attention.

For fifteen minutes she stalled. Her forehead resting on the steering wheel, she debated on whether or not she should go to the door. In response, there was a knock on the window. Her head shot up. Jordan was on the other side. He waved and her pulse fluttered.

“Are you going to stay in there, or come out and say hi?” he joked, his voice muffled by the barrier separating them.
Jenna’s lips pressed together, but she nodded and then stepped out of the car.

“Hey! How’s it going?” his boisterous voice boomed. Her pulse quickened. She’d forgotten how loud his voice got when he was excited.

“I’m doing good, how about you?”

Jordan smiled, “I’m doing great Jen. Really good,” and then he asked, “What brings you into town?”

Jenna could feel herself blush. She gripped her neck when she felt the embarrassment rush down from her face. “I’m not really sure…” she trailed off, clenching her eyes shut. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.

His eyebrows shot up to his scalp. “Oh, okay,” he muttered, a little bewildered by the events unfolding before him.

Jenna bit her lip. She tried to smile, but thought better of it and shrugged instead. “I got into Med school,” she managed to mumble though she was gnawing on her bottom lip.

One side of Jordan’s mouth tugged up, “That’s great Jen,” he congratulated her.

Jenna kicked at an imaginary rock to distract herself from the twinge of her heart. It had been what tore them apart. She’d been too ambitious, too focused, and she still kicked herself over what could have been.

Silence hung between them. Jordan gripped the back of his neck. After all they’d been through, they didn’t know what to say to each other.

“What’s she like?” she finally asked, looking down at her shoes.

His eyebrows scrunched up, “Who? Heather?” he asked.

Jenna swiped the bangs out of her eyes. She bit the inside of her mouth and then nodded. A huge grin split his face in half, “She’s fantastic Jen! She’s so down-to-earth and cares about me. She’s not here for Jordan Staal the alternate captain of the Carolina Hurricanes. She’s here for me and not my job,” he replied. There was a twinkle in his eye, an extra few creases to the smile that had turned dopey, and above all a warmth to his tone when he mentioned her. He was madly in love with his wife. He was happy and he had earned it.

She was his Wonder Woman. She was his guiding light. Heather: the woman who had tied down the wild child. But she didn’t tame him, the somber thought tugged on Jenna’s mind.

“I should go,” Jenna blurted, reaching for the car door. “I’m really sorry I barged in like this, without giving you a heads up,” she apologized.

She went to pull the handle, but Jordan stopped her. He clasped his hand over hers, pulling it to him. Her fingers instinctively curled around his.

“Jen, you’re still my girl,” he whispered earnestly.

A hot tear burrowed its way down her cheek. It left a slick track. Jordan covered it with his hand, thumbing away any remnants.

“And you will forever be my man,” she replied honestly, her lips trembling. She was fighting back the tears. It was only a matter of time before they would come spilling out. She didn’t want him to be around to see her unravel.

She stood up on her tiptoes like she always did. She leaned in for what she knew would be the last time and she kissed his cheek.

“Good-bye Jordan,” she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.

His arms wrapped around her in an instant. He pulled her into a big bear hug, lifting her feet from the ground. It was warm and comforting and everything Jenna needed at the moment. Everything she needed to remember him by.

When he set her down, Jordan tipped her jaw upwards to look into his oceanic eyes. They were churning. He was worried. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Tears blurred her vision, but she’d managed a quivering smile. “I’ll try,” she replied, opening the car door.

She slid in without a word and closed the door. She watched Jordan climb the small set of stairs to his porch in one long stride. He opened the front door, but hesitated at the threshold. He spoke to someone before peering over his shoulder. He waved to Jenna a large grin lighting his face, and then he disappeared into the home.

Jenna turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway. He was going to be okay. He was happy therefore she knew he’d be okay.

“Enough,” she said to herself, because she knew one day she would be okay too.