Amnesiphobia

As children growing up, we know no fear until we learn it. Just like how the parents of a child are anxious when they watch over their child playing at the park, oblivious to any danger that the parents see. I learned my fear. I found ways to avoid what was dangerous. But still, the fear is here…inside my head. When a fear changes your life, then you can be sure that you suffer from a phobia.

People with phobias will often try to avoid the situation or object that starts or triggers their phobia but there’s nothing like that for me to do. From the time I wake up to the time I close my eyes and go to sleep, I keep thinking how awful it is to suffer from amnesiphobia.

I am just afraid…afraid of losing my memories, afraid of forgetting who I am, and more than anything...I am afraid of losing you! This is my worst fear; forgetting you ever existed and forgetting what we have.

I remember what you said clearly and I keep repeating the scene on my mind. ‘’We will create so many memories that you’ll never be able to forget what we have. I will carve my love so deep inside your body that our bodies will forever work like magnets, pulling each other together. You will never forget me, yourself and us because I will always be there reminding you of everything, always!’’

Your words are what make me keep going, and even though the fear I feel is still here, along with the essential fight-or-flight instinct, I won’t run away from the danger. I will stick around and fight it out with you. I won’t let anything break us apart, not this, not anything. You are mine and I am yours, what we have will never be lost. Never!