Status: Completed
I Will Sing Our Names in Unison
The Reason You're Alone
"I'm sorry for your loss."
Y'know, I bet he doesnt even mean it. A phone call fails to show how someone reacts to what you say.
I remember my first phone call to you. We were so scared of each other. I never understood why. Maybe it's because we're terrified of the unpredictable. Your voice sounded so sweet and deep. I was swirling in the way you said my name.
Our first date was the closest to death I've ever felt. I swear my heart exploded and tore me apart but healed when you smiled at me. I felt so broken down and brand new at the same time. You were an art work.
Before I knew it, I was madly in love with you. I feel I must clarify, this was not simple teenage hormone fuelled love. This was Pride and Prejudice, Titanic level of love. I couldn't breathe around you. Kissing you felt like being sliced open.
Our first time. God I feel like an 8th grade giggling kid to write that. Our sweat mixed and I looked in your eyes and saw the universe as a tiny dot. I saw you,only you. And I wanted to rip my eyes out so the image of you was the only thing on my mind.
Visiting your parents was the second near death experience. The car ride there felt like punching a tiger. You kept telling me it would be okay. I believed all your charm and crooked smile. I will never forget what your mother said to us. I will never forget your fathers eyes or the sound of a door slamming.
I held you so tight. I kept hoping if I held you close enough I could hold you together. It didn't work. I didn't know how to fix you. Your body shook so hard I thought it was an earthquake. That night, I learnt what it means to love something broken. There will be sharp edges you may get cut on. These edges are still part of the masterpiece. The stars meant nothing that night.
The day you enlisted. It was an overcast Wednesday. I knew it was bad news by your crooked grin. I held you so tight, hoping you would hold me together. I was so scared of the happiness in your universe. It seems to me, we became a see saw splitting in two.
When you left, I felt thin. Paper walls. The house was too quiet. I lay awake too late and thought about the thousands of ways you would come home. Some would make me squeak and grin, others made me miss your hands and sweat. I always missed a part of you.
14 days without a letter. Awful rude of you. I began to worry but did not think about it. I thought about doing the shopping and staying in contact with people and how bad smoking is for me. I did not think about what happens when the letters stop.
For two weeks after the call, I only woke up to cry. Normal tasks were monolith quests. Answering the phone felt the same as putting a gun to my head and giving in to reckless abandon. Your parents weren't at your funeral. I miss you.
Even as we drifted apart I still loved you. The way you whispered my name at 3am, the way your coffee breath tasted, the way you cried over The Lion King. I haven't watched that movie since you left. All I have watched is grey spreading across everything I see.
Everything is better when you're drunk. God we had fun. Running around the city at 2am, laughing too loud and getting too close. Fucking in a dirty bathroom and reminiscing about it for weeks. I really miss you, you know that right. The doctor said it gets easier with time but I still fucking miss you. I threw things around our house and cried in the living room today.
I'm sorry. I loved you like a firecracker loves its fuse. It's time to go out with a bang. One last spark. I'm coming dearest. Please wait for me. Don't you dare leave me again. Please be there. I can't do this without you. Please.
Y'know, I bet he doesnt even mean it. A phone call fails to show how someone reacts to what you say.
I remember my first phone call to you. We were so scared of each other. I never understood why. Maybe it's because we're terrified of the unpredictable. Your voice sounded so sweet and deep. I was swirling in the way you said my name.
Our first date was the closest to death I've ever felt. I swear my heart exploded and tore me apart but healed when you smiled at me. I felt so broken down and brand new at the same time. You were an art work.
Before I knew it, I was madly in love with you. I feel I must clarify, this was not simple teenage hormone fuelled love. This was Pride and Prejudice, Titanic level of love. I couldn't breathe around you. Kissing you felt like being sliced open.
Our first time. God I feel like an 8th grade giggling kid to write that. Our sweat mixed and I looked in your eyes and saw the universe as a tiny dot. I saw you,only you. And I wanted to rip my eyes out so the image of you was the only thing on my mind.
Visiting your parents was the second near death experience. The car ride there felt like punching a tiger. You kept telling me it would be okay. I believed all your charm and crooked smile. I will never forget what your mother said to us. I will never forget your fathers eyes or the sound of a door slamming.
I held you so tight. I kept hoping if I held you close enough I could hold you together. It didn't work. I didn't know how to fix you. Your body shook so hard I thought it was an earthquake. That night, I learnt what it means to love something broken. There will be sharp edges you may get cut on. These edges are still part of the masterpiece. The stars meant nothing that night.
The day you enlisted. It was an overcast Wednesday. I knew it was bad news by your crooked grin. I held you so tight, hoping you would hold me together. I was so scared of the happiness in your universe. It seems to me, we became a see saw splitting in two.
When you left, I felt thin. Paper walls. The house was too quiet. I lay awake too late and thought about the thousands of ways you would come home. Some would make me squeak and grin, others made me miss your hands and sweat. I always missed a part of you.
14 days without a letter. Awful rude of you. I began to worry but did not think about it. I thought about doing the shopping and staying in contact with people and how bad smoking is for me. I did not think about what happens when the letters stop.
For two weeks after the call, I only woke up to cry. Normal tasks were monolith quests. Answering the phone felt the same as putting a gun to my head and giving in to reckless abandon. Your parents weren't at your funeral. I miss you.
Even as we drifted apart I still loved you. The way you whispered my name at 3am, the way your coffee breath tasted, the way you cried over The Lion King. I haven't watched that movie since you left. All I have watched is grey spreading across everything I see.
Everything is better when you're drunk. God we had fun. Running around the city at 2am, laughing too loud and getting too close. Fucking in a dirty bathroom and reminiscing about it for weeks. I really miss you, you know that right. The doctor said it gets easier with time but I still fucking miss you. I threw things around our house and cried in the living room today.
I'm sorry. I loved you like a firecracker loves its fuse. It's time to go out with a bang. One last spark. I'm coming dearest. Please wait for me. Don't you dare leave me again. Please be there. I can't do this without you. Please.
♠ ♠ ♠
1/1. I hope you enjoyed.