Fresh Start Fever

So Don't Give Up On Me

I awoke in Olis bunk, tangled in his sheets and arms. I guess we're really good now. Since he came to the airport last night he hasn't left my side. In a way, it's really cute but he begged me to sleep in his bunk. I agreed for the night but that was it. He has to remember I need my space from him and need to really get used to the idea of us being together again. I've also got many other things on my mind too. Since the phonecall a few days ago my mind has been racing with what I should do. If I go home, things might get better and maybe that's what is for the best. I'm sick.

I turned to look at Olis sleeping body beside me. There was a small crack in the curtain, letting a small ray of light into the bunk. It illuminated his bare chest and I couldn't help but stare. I began outlining his tattoos and inspecting them. It doesn't matter how much I look at his tattoos, I never wanted to stop. It made me feel peaceful, reading into the stories that covered his skin. The most beautiful part of him was how delicate his body is, but so harsh at the same time. I leaned down and kissed his chest gently. He began to stir so I looked up and to find him staring down at me. I laid back down quickly and heard him chuckle. "Someone embarrassed?" His voice was thick with sleep, which made it very sexy.

I looked up at him and he was smiling, the first real smile I've seen in a while. "I am not" I said quickly.

"Of course not" He laughed. I sat up and faced him.

"Oli" I started. He rubbed his eyes and then nodded. "Are you serious about us staying married?" I had be worrying over it all night. I guess I secretly like being married to him. It gave me a sense of belonging and I honestly couldn't see myself with anyone else.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He sat up across from me.

"I don't know, maybe you said it to keep me here" I shrugged.

"The first day of high school, we hadn't seen each other over summer because you and Matt went to stay with your aunt, I walked into the gates a nervous wreck. My head was spinning and I threw up like 3 times before first period. The first class I had was Art. When I walked into that room I noticed the most beautiful girl in the universe was in that room. I never really seen it before because I dwelled on my own pity to care about others but that moment, everything disappeared and that girl was the only thing I ever seen. That girl was you Casey. Ever since that day I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. You make me want to be a better person, you make the world brighter to me. Your smile could light a room up, your voice is like music to me. Anytime we were apart I felt lost and alone. Nothing could fill that gap until I started taking drugs. It never really made much of a difference. I never want anyone else ever again. I would literally die without you Casey. It's not some cheesy bullshit I'm saying to be romantic. The cold hard fucking truth is, you are the only person for me and I need you" He blurted out.

My mind was racing, everything just said was completely beautiful but so unexpected. I never ever thought he'd be the one to act like this... "You're a little shit you know that" I laughed nervously. He smiled slightly but kept the serious look composed.

"Casey, I mean it" He looked me straight in the eye. I leaned in and kissed him.

"I love you" I whispered when I pulled away. "And by the way, I thought your haircut was really stupid when we first started high school" I grinned at him. He playfully pushed me back and I faked a hurt look.

"I spent a lot of time in the hair dressers trying to perfect my start at high school and I ended up with a horrible mullet thing that everyone slagged me for" He laughed, thinking back.

"You always acted so cocky though, that's why I pretty much hated you until year 10. You were a rate nobend" I laughed at him.

"Shut up, you were a freaky emo when you were 16 but somehow got sorta popular" He fired back.

"Oooh, you jealous there Oliver" I grinned at him.

"No way Casey. I was way cooler than you" He folded his arms across his bare chest and pouted.

"Oli, let's be real here. You didn't have a real girlfriend until you were 17 and she was a complete weirdo. I mean she was thick as a plank of wood too" I sniggered at him thinking of that girl.

"Excuse you but at least I didn't go out on that awkward date with Lee" He brought up. My head slapped down into my hands in embarrassement.

"Shut up Oli" I moaned.

"Where did he take you again?" He asked knowing full well where Lee took me.

"Shut it" I groaned.

"Was it McDonalds?" He asked. I flipped him off and he stuck his tongue out. "Seriously that was the best thing about our teenage years. I'm sorry but he was so stupid and cheesy" Oli began giggling like a maniac.

"Fuck you Oli" I rolled my eyes and climbed out the bunk.

"Oh come on, it's hilarious and you know it" He said leaning out of the bunk. Matt walked into the bunk area and raised an eyebrow.

"What's hilarious?" He asked, looking between me and Oli.

"Casey and Lees date all those years ago" Oli laughed loudly.

"Yeah that is hilarious" Matt began laughing. I pushed past them and went to the kitchen to get a drink and breakfast.

After I got food and then went to the bathroom to get dressed for the day I spent some time online looking up some stuff about what my doctor had told me. It was pretty weird and confusing but I sat there for 2 or 3 hours researching until Oli sat next to me and I quickly shut my laptop. "What you looking at?" He asked.

"N-nothing" I stumbled on my words in fear he seen. I couldn't risk him finding out just yet until I had more of an idea myself of what was happening.

"Still pissed about the Lee thing?" He asked. I turned to look at him and shook my head no. "Good, I'm glad he blew it with you because I was really jealous of him if I'm honest" He smiled.

"Oli you're a dick" I laughed.

"You love it though" He grinned.

We watched TV for awhile but my mind began racing. I really should go home, I'll only be away for 3-4 weeks before everyone comes home. The pressure and curiosity was taking a toll on me and I needed to end the stressing. If I go then it means I don't need to worry about explaining what's going on to everyone just yet. I want to know everything about it before I tell them. I don't wanna worry them. "You guys want any coffee?" Jordan asked as he walked into the living area. I looked up and shook my head no.

Oli did the same and then Jordan left. I studied Olis features for a second and tried to form the words. "Oli" I began. He turned his head and I could see a pained look on his face and everything changed in my mind. "What's wrong?" I asked, grabbing his hand.

He furrowed his brows and looked at our intertwined hands. "I feel really fidgety right now" I noticed his legs were shaking.

"Why?" I was a little worried.

"I think it's the comedown from the drugs" He mumbled. I bit my lip and nodded. We went back to watching TV. The guys were going to soundcheck soon so I decided to go take some pictures while I made my decision about going home or not. I found some pretty nice buildings nearby that looked abandoned.

I took pictures for the rest of the afternoon until showtime. I went into the backstage area and into the dressing room. Everyone was there except Oli. I shrugged it off and went to take pictures of the support band. They were nice lads, just kept to themselves mainly. After I finished taking pictures of the first three songs I went backstage into the hallway. There was no one around which was an unsettling feeling but I guess theres nothing I can do really.

I heard a light sobbing come from a storage cupboard. I creeped over to it and opened it. I couldn't see anything until whoever was in there slowly came into sight. "Oli, what are you doing in here?" I asked, shocked.

He looked at me with a tear stained face and frowned. "Casey I need help" He sniffed. "I can't go onstage tonight I feel awful and my head is spinning" He looked at me with genuine fear.

"It's gonna be okay" I mumbled and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm here" I said comforting him.

"Please don't leave me alone, I need you with me" I could feel tears soak into my shirt.

I guess I'm not going home. I can't now. If I leave him alone, he might not be strong enough to get over this drug problem and he could end up really hurt or even dead. I need to stay.