Fragile

An hour following the incident in the gym, Lex, Josh and I finally decided we would bunk off. Josh had a lot on his mind and the last thing he needed was the stress of school. We sat on an old, abandoned ridge above the river. Josh was sitting, curled in a small ball, staring out onto the river. I sat with him, just watching. Lex came up behind us, sporting a large plastic bag. He took out three bottles of alchohol and smiled.

"Managed to snag some liquor from the store," he handed me a bottle, then gave Josh one.

Josh used a keychain bottle opener to open the drinks. We all clinked them together and toasted to our fallen friend.

"To Amy; for being the best friend in the world," I tilted the drink slightly in an ode of rememberance.

Lex was next, "Although I didn't know you, you were an awesome person," he repeated my actions.

Finally, Josh, his eyes tearing up, "For being yourself, Ames. Thanks," he raised his, then we all took long swigs.

We ended up finishing an entire crate of beer, leaving Josh and I hammered. Alex was the only sober one, and that was a term that was used rather loosely. Josh was mellow and hilarious whilst intoxicated, lying back on the soft, lush green grass, snickering to himself about something.

"What?", I asked, "What's the joke?"

He gave another small chuckle and said, "School's still learning and we're drunk!"

I laughed alongside him and so did Alex, his hand over his face. I stood up, taking my slimline black iPod touch out of my bag.

"Black again, Al?", Lex asked, "God, you're so Goth!"

"I'm not denying it!", I slur slightly.

I flicked through my songs and put on some Black Veil Brides; I knew both Lex and Josh liked them. The vocals for the song In The End came on and I began slowly dancing. Drunk, I stumbled about, not really noticing how far from the edge I was - or I should say, how close to it I was. But Lex did.

"Alice, watch out!", Lex cried, startling me so much I fell.

Falling backwards through the air, I felt the wind push down hard against me. Using all my strength, I grabbed the ledge, screaming. My head thrummed, my grip was slipping. Josh and Alex were leaning over the edge, their arms out, both yelling for me to grab them. I tried to reach but I was an inch from touching Lex's hand.

I made another attempt to grab one of their hands, but ended up losing my grip and next thing I knew, I was plummeting to my doom.

"Alice!", screamed Josh.

Something then caught me; like an invisible field. I looked up to see Alex straining, his hands heaving as if he was pulling a rope. I was moving closer to safety, I could see Josh trying to reach for me once again. I rose my arm and grabbed his, feeling his strength. Alex's power subsided and my legs were flailing again, panicked. I screamed again, the noise resounding through the crisp air. Josh used most of his strength to pull me up and I landed on his chest, breathing hollowly. Lex had a small nosebleed from overusing his energy. But I hadn't seen anything like that before.

"Wow," I said shakily, "Where did you learn to do that?"

Lex breathed steadily, "Practice. I can teach you if you want"

"Well," Josh began, "We'll need to go to the treehouse, then"

I frowned, "Not now! The school's still on. Tomorrow? We'll skive there instead"

"It's a date," both the boys said in unison.

We stayed by the banks for a few more hours, until we were certain the school was out. It was dark, and I was sure my Dad would be worrying his mind out. We all began to stumble back to our homes, Lex stealing some food from the store for him to pig out on.

"Well, we're already truant, what's a bit of shoplifting gonna do?", he asked, carefree and tipsy.

We dropped Josh off at his house, where his father was standing at the window, his arms crossed, an angry expression on his face.

"Holy shit," Josh drawled, "He looks pissed. Ah, well"

I was too surly to comprehend his worry. I walked Alex to the old treehouse, handing him his specticles and his bags. I climbed up to spend a few minutes with him. We sat, laughing at a joke we didn't even say. Then his face became sincere.

"Alice..." he spoke my name softly, his head lolling to the side limply, "Do you ever think about the future; say, us?"

I was confused, "I tend to avoid thinking about those things - for my own sake"

"You almost died today," he sighed, "Before I got a chance to say... I-I-"

This perplexed me even more, "What're you talking about?"

"I like you, Alice," he gave a tiny smile.

Totally getting the wrong idea, I said, "I like you too"

"No," he grumbled, frustrated, "I like you"

Shakily gasping, I realized what he meant. His hand rested on my cheek and all of a sudden, his lips were on mine. I didn't feel my heart flutter, as I did with Josh - instead, I felt anger. The kiss was nice; but pissed me off. I furiously bit down on his lip, making him immediately pull away. Frightened and vulnerable, I bolted out of the treehouse, grabbing my things and ran home. When I got in, I saw Dad standing in the same manner Josh's father had been, only there was a manic look in his eyes.

"Where have you been, Alice Dana Faramino?", he snarled, grabbing my wrist.

I stammered, afraid, "I- uh, I-"

"I can tell you somewhere you haven't been - school," his hand tightened around my stitches and I felt a few burst.

Tears welled up in my eyes, "Dad, you-you're hurting me"

"Good!", he shouted, and cast me aside, making me smash my head against a table.

The shot dazed me, making my vision blur with painful tears. I turned to him and began to back away on my elbows. He grabbed my hair and jerked my head back.

"You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a life," he hissed in my ear.

He threw me down so hard, I heard and felt something in my arm break. He grabbed my bag and emptied it all over me. Then, leaving me bloody and broken, he stormed out, slamming the door shut so hard, I thought it'd break. I finally pulled myself to my feet and looked in the mirror; I looked like a victim in a horror movie. Cradling my hand to my chest, I dragged my limp foot into the kitchen.

Right in front of me was a knife. It'd be so simple; to end it all. I wouldn't be conflicted about Lex any more, Dad wouldn't hurt me. Trying to escape reality, I went on Facebook. I had messages from people all over school.

Maria Graysen; It's ur fault Amys dead, you murderer.

Poppy Idel; Bitch, u drove our beloved Amy to suicide. Just fucking drop dead, you stupid, attention-seeking whore. Just do th whole world a favour and actually succeed in killing yourself and burn in hell. Urs sincerely, everyone in world.

There were literally hundreds of messages from hundreds of pissed off students and even adults. I slid down to the ground, tears choking me. Finally, I got a new message - from Josh.

It read: Josh Phillips; Dad did it again. U okay - saw the abuse u were getting. This is my fault, im so sorry

I chucked the iPod aside, weeping softly. Lola ran in, whining. I tried to think of reasons to hold on, to make it through the day - nothing. So instead, I grabbed the sharpest knife I could find. Lola barked, then laid down beside me, as if she was begging me not to. The idea popped in my mind; I didn't need to die, just hurt myself.

So I slowly drew the knife across my already blood covered wrists. Then I did it sharply, drawing a little blood. Bizarrely, it felt really peaceful and nice. I continued to do it until my arm was covered in tiny, shallow cuts and my anger was sated.

God, Lex and Josh would kill me; but it was not their body. It was mine to use, abuse and destroy however I wanted. With Josh, it was alchohol that was his weakness; he was somewhat of an alchoholic when stressed. With Lex, it was insomnia, he would refuse to sleep.

With me, it was self-harm and anorexia; I'd still refuse to eat. And I knew the damage. I didn't care. Lola looked up at me with her big brown eyes, looking disappointed.

"Lol, I have to do this," my voice was choked with tears, "It's my only escape"

She sniffed my hand and whimpered - she was scared. I kissed the top of her head, then clambered to my feet; a difficult task as I had lost rather a lot of blood. I began to cleanse my skin, cleaning the dried blood and covering the open cuts.

Well, I thought, that's my outfit sorted for tomorrow.

I slowly made my way to my room, dizzy. I finally made it there, and every poster looked like it stared at me. Quickly, I made my way to my drawer and found a pair of scissors there. Sprinting to the bathroom, I played with my soon-to-be-cut hair. I stood in front of the mirror, inspecting every imperfection. My hair was too ratty and straight, I was too skinny, I was too pale.

I grabbed my hair by the ends and began snipping it, spiking it at the ends. I gelled up my fringe to make it hang over my eyes. Then I fished through the cupboards and found some blue hair dye I bought a while ago. Deftly, I applied it to the sharpened ends of my new hairdo and waited patiently.

I was no longer gonna be a frail, polite princess. I was gonna be a new, fiercer, bitchier girl. Most of all, I was gonna be strong.