I'm a Loser, Baby

Jack was having a bad day.

It's not like all his days were bad. They just weren't all especially good. And this was a particularly not good day. He had a nice home life; his family were his favourite thing ever. He was a big mama's boy and his dad still played soccer with him in the garden even now, at sixteen. And his big sister May was always fussing over him, buying him new clothes just because she felt like it and helping him dye his hair. His big brother Joe was just as fussy over him, sometimes randomly turning up to pick Jack up from school and take him to Burger King and then the movies and then for a drive to wherever they felt like. Those were the best days.

But Jack didn't think anything would make today improve.

He'd stumbled out of bed an hour late this morning, rushing around to try and get ready in fifteen minutes flat. But it was impossible to shower and dry his hair and get dressed and eat his cereal and pack up his schoolbag and still make it to the bus in time. So, predictably, he missed the bus. In hindsight, it would have been smart to skip the shower, but he hadn't had one in two days and the teenage-boy-developing-hormone smell was starting to settle in. If he had went without, it would have been more fuel for Dan. And Jack really didn't need that. What he had needed, was a shower. Even though it made him terribly late.

He had to walk back home from the bus stop dejectedly and get a lift there from his mom. Trailing into his first class thirty minutes late was terrible because everyone stared, but luckily it was only Mr Hoppus and he was nice, so he didn't yell at Jack. He just nodded understandingly at the explanation and let him sit aside to hurriedly catch up on missed notes. Being a good student paid off in times like these, Jack found.

It was horrifying to realise he'd left his homework on the kitchen table though. Jack never forgot his homework, not in all his years of school. He'd stayed up late perfecting it last night, which was perhaps why he'd slept in, but he figured it'd be worth it since he'd likely get top marks. Jack liked his classes and he was good at them; he wanted to aim for the best.

The world felt like it might be ending when he shuffled up to Mr Hoppus' desk and mumbled that he'd left it at home in his rush that morning. Mr Hoppus just nodded and smiled again, saying he understood, since Jack was late, and he'd let it slide because Jack always met deadlines otherwise. The teen still felt guilty though, despite relief that Mr Hoppus wasn't disappointed; letting down his favourite teacher would be the worst.

The rest of the day dragged on endlessly. Jack thought that oversleeping would surely mean he was at least well-rested, but it only seemed to have messed up his entire sleep cycle. He was tired all day, constantly yawning until his eyes watered and almost nodding off in class. In Maths, he actually did drop off to sleep for a brief few minutes, causing Mrs Andrews to smack his desk sharply with a ruler and have him jolt awake.

"Mr Barakat, in future, I recommend you take naps at home in bed outside of school hours, or my ruler won't hit the desk next time," she eyed him in warning before stepping up to the board to continue talking about the sine equation rule.

The whole class had laughed but Jack just sat there rigidly, hoping that if he didn't move, people wouldn't look at him any more. His cheeks felt so hot he thought they might melt off, and he quickly used his sleeve to mop up the little puddle of drool that had dripped down his chin and onto the table. Jack actually quite liked Mrs Andrews but she was very good at being really fucking scary.

His next couple of classes went by without a hitch, and he was thankful -- he'd had enough embarrassment for one day.

Maybe, just maybe, things would improve.

Just as Jack dared to feel hopeful at lunchtime, everything went downhill again. He ventured to the bathroom after he'd finished eating, mostly because there had been a slight mayonnaise spillage from the chicken salad sandwich down onto his white school shirt. Not too noticeable, but still something he wanted to clean up. He scrubbed it off with a wet paper towel over the sink, tossing it in the trash afterwards. The toilets were surprisingly quiet, probably because it was early in the lunch hour and everyone was still out getting their food and eating. Jack didn't often brave the boys' bathroom at school because, to put it simply, it was horrific. No matter how much the poor cleaning ladies scrubbed and sprayed air freshener at the end of the day, the boys' bathrooms always had a strong aroma of piss, along with suspicious puddles in random corners and toilet tissue thrown around, often wet, to make it stick to the walls and ceiling. Jack envied the girls. He bet their bathroom smelled like soap and perfume and never ever harboured as many terrifying stains in strange places.

Since he was in there and the place was empty, Jack figured he might as well pee while he had the chance. He usually opted for holding it until he got home. It was dangerous for anyone to put themselves in the vulnerable position of bladder-voiding in the rowdy atmosphere of the boys' bathroom, let alone a self-confessed nerd like Jack Barakat.

Unfortunately, halfway through the task, Dan Flint and a few of his friends sauntered in, all going quiet when they spotted Jack. For one horrible moment it was just the sound of Jack peeing into the urinal filling everyone's ears, until Dan grinned the most terrifying grin and advanced on him.

Jack didn't leave that bathroom without getting shoved to the floor, hitting his head on the tiles and ending up with piss all down one pants leg.

/////

Despite the wet streak on his left leg not being too noticeable due to black pants, Jack still knew he smelt mildly of urine and his face was blotchy red from crying in a corner for the rest of lunch. There wasn't much he could do about it though. When the school bell rang at the end of the day without any further incidents, Jack felt quite blessed. He had a bump on the back of his head from getting pushed over in the bathroom but at least there had been no bleeding nose or split lip or scraped knees or terrible bruises; Dan and his friends liked to cause Jack injuries by tripping or shoving him into lockers and just generally throwing him around like a doll. One horrible time, Dan snatched his glasses off his face and snapped them in two. Jack's mother had been quite upset about it since Jack had struggled to walk home, scared to cross a road in case he didn't see a car coming.

But Jack counted himself lucky he was mostly unscathed today, even if it had been quite bad overall. At least it was nice and sunny out. He removed his jacket and stuffed it into his school bag, feeling the heat. The beginnings of summer had arrived and it cheered Jack up a bit, to think the holidays were right around the corner.

In an effort to cheer himself up completely, Jack decided to cut through the park and stop by Izzy's Icies. It was the local ice-cream place -- they sold other stuff too, teas and coffees and hot chocolate and a whole range of snacks and sandwiches, but they were best known for their ice-cream and ice-pops and delicious cold smoothies. Just perfect for a sunny, almost-summer afternoon such as this one. Jack trotted along eagerly, already feeling better at the idea of a simple vanilla and chocolate ice-cream; delicious white and chocolate swirls coated thickly with raspberry sauce with a chocolate flake stuck in the side, and a crunchy biscuity cone to top it all off, none of that cheap wafer stuff either. His mouth was already watering as he approached the pink building shaded by a few trees right in the center of the park.

/////

Ten stomach-rumbling minutes of waiting later, Jack was exiting Izzy's Icies after buying his cone from Izzy herself, clutching it in his hand and making his way out some few feet away to a fork in the path. It was just open grass ahead under the sun and he knew where both routes went, but he wanted to pick a way to go home. If he took the right path, he could wander up the hill into a private housing street and enjoy a relatively silent walk home, just him and his ice-cream. Or he could take the left path and head down out of the park that way, and it would take him home quicker, but there would be kids everywhere. The park already had quite a few teens just getting out of school like himself, along with mothers and their young kids, having stopped here to enjoy the sun after picking them up from school. Jack adjusted his back-pack and decided to take the left path -- busier, but he would get more sun than if he followed the right-hand path to the furthermost park exit. It was all shaded that way.

He dug his phone from his pocket, deciding to text his mom and tell her he might be a little longer getting home than usual, because he wanted to walk slow and soak up the heat. Baltimore hadn't seen sun for a couple of weeks now, all gloomy grey skies. Jack was going to make the most of this in case it was a one-off until summer arrived for real.

Head down, Jack didn't spot Dan heading towards him. Dan hadn't even noticed Jack at first, but he soon recognised the obnoxious hair and grinned to himself. He was alone, strolling across the grass. There wasn't much he could really do, considering there were adults milling around with little kids, but it didn't matter. He'd spotted his target. Walking straight up to Jack, who hadn't looked up and saw him until he was barely two feet away, Dan lifted one hand lazily from his pocket and in one fluid motion, knocked the ice-cream cone right out of Jack's hand and onto the concrete beside his feet. Dan laughed, not even pausing in his walk, and then turned his attention back to the path in front of him, paying the other boy no more attention than necessary.

Jack just stared at the vanilla mess splattered on the ground in front of him. He stared and stared and stared and stared and then his vision got very blurry very quickly, hot tears soon following and dripping off his cheeks to join the ice-cream.

He didn't even care that he was in public. Not after today. All he'd wanted was some ice-cream. The tears kept coming and Jack didn't stop them. Just stood there and wept. He was used to the mean taunts at school, Dan and all his friends jeering after him in the halls and calling him a faggot and pushing him around, still yelling insults; he could handle those. But they'd ruined his cheer-up method, and he couldn't handle that.

Not one bit.

/////

Alex was having a normal day.

It wasn't bad, no. It went well, actually. He got top marks in Biology for last week's test and he and his friends had discovered a lost ball at lunch outside so they got to kick it around for a while. It was... an okay day. Not bad, just not especially exciting either.

Alex began to have an abnormal day when he stopped at the park during his walk home, to place his battered Chuck Taylor back-pack on a bench and dig out his juice bottle. Damn, it was warm. He took three large gulps of a tropical fruit drink and, in the process of then putting the bottle away, he caught sight of Dan Flint, probably the most twisted little asshole Alex had ever known. He got a weird kick out of winding people up. He usually chose younger targets, like the kids in the year below that were either terrified of him or worshiped him. His group of friends were all the same, but Alex suspected none of them would be half as bad if Dan didn't encourage them to be such bullies. Dan was alone this time. And he had this cruel smirk on his face as he came up to a skinny tall boy clutching an ice-cream cone and not paying the least bit of attention.

Alex knew that boy. They had English and Art class together. He was very quiet, that Jack Barakat. But Alex had always thought he looked somewhat intriguing and maybe a little cute with his big nose and dorky glasses and weird hair. He often heard people saying he looked like a skunk, and Jack would go red and hunch up his shoulders without comment, but Alex liked it. It was pretty brave for an unpopular sixteen-year-old boy to dye his hair at this school.

Alex could recall one or two times he'd been with his friends and spotted Dan picking on Jack, stupid things like stealing his glasses and throwing them off somewhere or pushing and tripping him in the halls, maybe even slamming him into the lockers and walls, clearly muttering some snide comments all the while. Alex had brushed it off, not thinking that Jack was a regular target to Dan and all his friends; Dan had a go at intimidating nearly everybody at some point. But Alex saw differently now. The malicious look on Dan's face gave it all away. Alex only wished he'd pointed it out to his own friends all those times before so they could've maybe stepped in sooner to help. None of Alex's friends liked to take Dan's shit lying down, and he supposed he kind of understood when some of the other kids referred to them as 'rival gangs.' But Dan's friends never went out of their way to bother them -- they were pretty matched in number.

Alex just watched for a moment, not knowing what Dan intended to do, but it turned out to be not as bad as he imagined. All he did was tip the ice-cream from Jack's clumsy fingers with a laugh, and then he jogged away.

Clearly, this was too much for Jack, because after a few moments of just standing there staring, he burst into tears, sobs jerking his whole body.

Alex grabbed his bag and rushed over immediately, touching Jack's shoulder and cooing softly despite the way the other boy jumped in fright at the initial contact, obviously not expecting anyone to come to his aid.

"Hey, hey, what's the matter?"

"He m-made me dr-drop my i-ice-cream," Jack choked, sobbing harder.

His ears were filled with the sounds of his own cries and how much of a pathetic baby he was being. A little kid crying over dropped candy, that's what he was. And he was doing it in front of Alex Gaskarth of all people. Jack knew Alex. He sat near to him in Art. Jack had always thought Alex and his friends seemed so nice and kind and funny and all sorts of other inviting adjectives, and he constantly wished he was a part of their group; but Jack didn't have any group. Plus, Alex was what Jack would call a total hottie if he were a gushy teenage girl like that which he most definitely was not... Alex was a total hottie though. It's not like Jack was going to deny it.

"Yeah, I saw..." Alex bit his lip, tone sympathetic.

"I just want my ice-cream," he wept, crying louder and staring at it as it melted on the path. "I want my ice-cream. Just want my ice-cream."

He really did sound like a toddler, hiccuping through mostly repeated sentences with fat tears rolling down his blotchy face. Alex was completely unfazed by this though. If anything, it only made him want to help more. Dan must've really got to him.

"That's alright, we can go buy you another," Alex resolved quickly, gesturing back to Izzy's Icies.

Jack felt an ache in his chest at the suggestion, and his bottom lip quivered before fresh tears poured over his cheeks. "I don't have any more money," he croaked, breath catching afterwards as he wiped haphazardly at his nose with the back of his hand. He'd spent what he had on his ice-cream.

"I have money, I can pay," Alex answered without even missing a beat. "My treat, yeah? I'll pay for it, don't you worry."

Jack's cries quickly softened to whimpers upon hearing that. Alex was offering to replace his ice-cream, free of charge, even after Jack acting like a crazy person in public. And they didn't even know each other. How could anyone possibly be so nice?

"You will?" Jack looked up, wide watery eyes and a red nose, sniffling like a sick kitten.

"You bet," Alex smiled warmly, putting his arm around Jack's shoulders to lead him away from the ruined ice-cream.

/////

Two ice-creams and a shared elderberry fizz drink later, Alex was treating Jack like a friend he'd known all his life.

Jack felt it too; talking to Alex was easy. The brunette was just so kind and inviting, it was hard not to want to sit down and tell him his life story. Jack confided in him about the bullying, though he didn't call it that -- Jack didn't like to make a big deal about things. It was just a bit of teasing, that was all. But when he informed Alex of the extent of it, and how Dan had picked him out as a target almost a year ago and never let up since, he was appalled for the younger.

"I can't believe anyone could be so mean!" Alex exclaimed, leaning over the table to Jack and wiping a chocolate smudge from the corner of his mouth with a napkin like an old grandma. "Especially to you! You're such a sweetheart, how could anyone possibly pick on such an innocent, friendly person?!"

Jack felt his cheeks heat up but luckily Alex hadn't noticed, instead storming over to the trash and throwing away their used napkins and straws. He came back looking fiery, sitting down heavily in his chair.

"You know what? I'm not having it any more. Dan is a dick to everybody and he encourages all his stupid pals to do the same -- I'm going to a teacher about it on Monday. It's time they did something about it. You can come with me and tell them what he does to you if you want to, but I won't force you... I think it'd be a good idea though. Don't worry, I'm good with nervous people. I'm just so sick of Dan fucking Flint thinking he runs the school just because he gets off on making people scared of him or something. You don't have to worry about him any more, got it? You're going to sit with me and my friends and if Dan so much as looks at you dirty, I'll punch his cock."

Jack was giggling by the end of Alex's rant, but he couldn't believe Alex was really willing to do all this for him. "You'd-- you'd do that? I mean, I, uh... I-- I guess I could tell a teacher, I never did before because... well, he'd get me, b-but you don't have to-- what if your friends don't like me?"

Alex sputtered out a little laugh and licked around the corner of his mouth, tasting vanilla. "Don't be silly! You're under my protection from this moment on. Besides, you're great. My friends will love you. Trust me, I know, they're just like me, and I love you already. We're gonna get along great, just you wait and see."

Jack's eyebrows practically molded into his hairline, and his cheeks felt red again... and this time, Alex did see. But he just grinned at him and then giggled, tipping up the glass to get the last dregs of their juice.

All in the space of forty-five minutes, Jack had been cheered up, given a way out of Dan's maze of daily torture, and offered up the friends he'd always wanted.

And it was all Alex Gaskarth's doing.

/////

"Um, so, I better get home for dinner, um... my mom just texted me, said it'd be ready in about an hour and a half..." Jack cleared his throat, tucking his phone away back into his pocket.

He and Alex were stood under the shade of a tree outside Izzy's Icies, the sun hidden behind some fluffy clouds as they awkwardly tried to work their way towards a goodbye. Jack wasn't quite ready to let Alex go yet, even though the other boy had offered to take a walk with him tomorrow and meet Zack Merrick, Alex's friend -- the one that everyone at Dulaney High knew as the best skateboarder for miles.

"Oh, yeah, of course," Alex nodded quickly. "I hope all that ice-cream doesn't ruin your appetite."

"Oh, no, no, it won't, I'm, um... I get hungry a lot, you know, teenage boy thing, I suppose," Jack laughed nervously.

"I know the feeling, I'm already thinking about dinner," Alex laughed too, placing a hand over his own stomach.

"Well, i-if you want... you could come back to my place for it? Dinner, I mean. My family are real nice, they'd be happy to have you, especially my mom, she'd love for me to actually bring a friend--," Jack cut himself off, swallowing and looking at the floor. He'd never had a friend over before. "Um. She'd be pleased. Her and Dad always cook together, they're great, I promise."

"Yeah?" Alex grinned, eyes lighting up. "I'd-- I'd love that! I'd... I'd like to come over for dinner. If you're sure that's alright."

"Of course! Yeah, of course, you totally can," Jack nodded a little too eagerly.

"That's great! Lemme run home first, just to do my chores real quick and change and stuff, and I'll come over in an hour?" Alex suggested, voice equally as excited. He reached out and tugged Jack's phone from his pocket, creating another unseen blush, and he tapped some buttons before handing it back to him. "Here's my number, text me the address, right?"

Jack swallowed and gripped the phone in his hand, looking down to check Alex had actually in fact just given him his phone number. And he had. With a nod in response to Alex's grin, he managed to smile, "Right," before the other thought there was something wrong with him.

"Dinner's good, it's good, because that way, I'll have to return the favour sometime soon," Alex grinned at him, his flirting obvious, but Jack was completely bewildered at the idea of even a friend and didn't quite catch on. "I could make you stir-fry. I make a mean stir-fry."

Jack nodded dumbly. "St-stir-fry sounds great."

"We can fix that up for next Friday then, at my house," Alex decided, firm and final. Jack's stomach fizzed with happiness and his cheeks hurt from holding back a smile. "Your place, in an hour, yeah? I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Jack let himself give a little smile, bringing his hand up to half-wave awkwardly even though he hadn't started walking away yet.

Alex beamed at him, big and unafraid, and after a moment of quiet consideration, he took a step towards Jack and leaned in. He ducked back hesitantly just once before he went for it anyway, and Jack felt the warmth of Alex's licked lips and the tip of his nose against his cheek. Then it was gone and there was a breeze on the damp spot. Alex flashed him that excitable grin again and then he was off, breaking into a run and clutching his bag straps.

Jack lightly touched his cheek with one fingertip -- it felt dry now, but his skin seemed different. Hot with a blush, but almost like there were sparks of tiny fireworks flying from the very spot.

He set off home, paying no mind to the mushy ice-cream mess on the path or the tears that had long since dried beside it, and let himself grin as wide as he liked; a smile that could dazzle the stars.

For the first time in his life, Jack found that sometimes bad days can become good days.