Blood Money
la petite mort
Ruby and I, we’re running through the woods. Only these aren’t just any woods.
It’s a body farm.
Corpses are strewn across six acres of land on Texas State University. It sounds like a pipe dream for people like us, except these bodies are mostly unusable in our business since most of them have been decomposing for a while. Their skin’s rotting and turning black, their organs are swelled up, threatening to burst out of their bloated bellies. They have no value to us. Forensic scientists just throw them out here and watch them get eaten alive by Mother Nature.
And people think we’re the fucked up ones.
It’s nighttime and the crickets are chirping as the flies buzz around those poor souls. At any other time, I might be a little apprehensive about being around so many dead people at once, fearing childish things like zombies and ghosts, but the sounds of police sirens and dogs viciously barking in the distance are more terrifying than any horror story I’ve ever heard.
We’ve been caught. The jig is up.
Jasper is dead. Only Ruby and I remain. Although I’m not even sure if Ruby even exists anymore. She’s been fluctuating through personalities so fast that I can’t keep up. She has a Southern accent one moment and she’s blabbering in French the next. I grunt as I fall to the ground, tripping over a decaying human leg that makes a sickening crack when my foot collides with it.
“Keep up, will you?”
And just like that, with an impatient (and entirely adorable) huff of exasperation, Lily of the Valley has arrived. Suddenly I’m not so scared of what’s going to happen when they find us. All that matters is that Lily is here. Not Ruby, not Gemma, not Valerie, just Lily.
My mind conveniently skips over Shiva.
My brain is becoming clouded, and I am tired, oh so tired. I don’t remember the last time I slept. As soon as the constant headaches started, I knew I couldn’t let myself drift into unconsciousness.
Because if I did that, I’d never wake up.
I want to ask her where we’re running to, but there’s no time. The dogs are relentless. This entire ordeal is fruitless. This is our final attempt to survive. The great escape. The last hurrah. She knows it, I know it. There’s no way we’ll be able to get out of this one. I don’t even know why I’m running anymore. I’m going to die anyway.
Burn me on the cheap and throw a real nice party. I’ll be celebrating better than any of you by then.
“Lily,” I pant, trying to keep up with her, “I love you.”
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation that’s making me admit my gut feelings at a time like this. Maybe it’s the imminent doom approaching us and the quick realization that if I don’t die now, I’m going to die as soon as I can’t stand being awake anymore.
Lily is staring straight ahead, so poised despite being confronted with so many woodland obstacles. I don’t know how she does it.
Her breath hitches in her throat when she sees a flashlight through the trees hundreds of feet away from us. This is it. We have to stop. We’re being hunted, and all I can think about is Valerie’s sister, the one her mother kidnapped and took to New Orleans. The one she played with in the wheat fields and swam with in the creeks. Was it Valerie’s sister or Ruby’s sister? Valerie and Ruby were the same person. Did Ruby even have a sister?
Lily slowly turns her face to look at me in the dark. The smell of decomposing bodies is overwhelming. I think I might fall asleep right there and become the newest subject for those fucked up forensic scientists to study.
“You don’t love me.” She says in her sweet, nurturing voice, so uncharacteristic of Ruby’s usual brazenly hardened tone, like a Brooklyn queen moved down South. I don’t see Ruby anymore. All I can see is beautiful Lily of the Valley, with her bright baby blues and her luscious, flowing brunette locks. The image I’ve created of her in my mind.
“Lily…” I start, but my vision is getting hazy already. This noxious odor is obscuring my mind. The dogs are getting closer. People are shouting. And suddenly, there’s a flicker in Lily’s eyes.
She’s not Lily anymore. She’s Shiva. I back away, stumbling over a body. Crack.
My invented vision of her flickers in and out of my mind, shifting between imaginary Lily and tangible Ruby. Lily, Ruby, Lily, Ruby. But Shiva is in her eyes and there’s no escaping now.
I hear her speak for the first time, like a sandpaper tongue caressing her gravel throat. Nails on a chalkboard. I know then that this is my last breath of air.
“There is no Lily.”
Bang, bang.
My baby shot me down.
It’s a body farm.
Corpses are strewn across six acres of land on Texas State University. It sounds like a pipe dream for people like us, except these bodies are mostly unusable in our business since most of them have been decomposing for a while. Their skin’s rotting and turning black, their organs are swelled up, threatening to burst out of their bloated bellies. They have no value to us. Forensic scientists just throw them out here and watch them get eaten alive by Mother Nature.
And people think we’re the fucked up ones.
It’s nighttime and the crickets are chirping as the flies buzz around those poor souls. At any other time, I might be a little apprehensive about being around so many dead people at once, fearing childish things like zombies and ghosts, but the sounds of police sirens and dogs viciously barking in the distance are more terrifying than any horror story I’ve ever heard.
We’ve been caught. The jig is up.
Jasper is dead. Only Ruby and I remain. Although I’m not even sure if Ruby even exists anymore. She’s been fluctuating through personalities so fast that I can’t keep up. She has a Southern accent one moment and she’s blabbering in French the next. I grunt as I fall to the ground, tripping over a decaying human leg that makes a sickening crack when my foot collides with it.
“Keep up, will you?”
And just like that, with an impatient (and entirely adorable) huff of exasperation, Lily of the Valley has arrived. Suddenly I’m not so scared of what’s going to happen when they find us. All that matters is that Lily is here. Not Ruby, not Gemma, not Valerie, just Lily.
My mind conveniently skips over Shiva.
My brain is becoming clouded, and I am tired, oh so tired. I don’t remember the last time I slept. As soon as the constant headaches started, I knew I couldn’t let myself drift into unconsciousness.
Because if I did that, I’d never wake up.
I want to ask her where we’re running to, but there’s no time. The dogs are relentless. This entire ordeal is fruitless. This is our final attempt to survive. The great escape. The last hurrah. She knows it, I know it. There’s no way we’ll be able to get out of this one. I don’t even know why I’m running anymore. I’m going to die anyway.
Burn me on the cheap and throw a real nice party. I’ll be celebrating better than any of you by then.
“Lily,” I pant, trying to keep up with her, “I love you.”
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation that’s making me admit my gut feelings at a time like this. Maybe it’s the imminent doom approaching us and the quick realization that if I don’t die now, I’m going to die as soon as I can’t stand being awake anymore.
Lily is staring straight ahead, so poised despite being confronted with so many woodland obstacles. I don’t know how she does it.
Her breath hitches in her throat when she sees a flashlight through the trees hundreds of feet away from us. This is it. We have to stop. We’re being hunted, and all I can think about is Valerie’s sister, the one her mother kidnapped and took to New Orleans. The one she played with in the wheat fields and swam with in the creeks. Was it Valerie’s sister or Ruby’s sister? Valerie and Ruby were the same person. Did Ruby even have a sister?
Lily slowly turns her face to look at me in the dark. The smell of decomposing bodies is overwhelming. I think I might fall asleep right there and become the newest subject for those fucked up forensic scientists to study.
“You don’t love me.” She says in her sweet, nurturing voice, so uncharacteristic of Ruby’s usual brazenly hardened tone, like a Brooklyn queen moved down South. I don’t see Ruby anymore. All I can see is beautiful Lily of the Valley, with her bright baby blues and her luscious, flowing brunette locks. The image I’ve created of her in my mind.
“Lily…” I start, but my vision is getting hazy already. This noxious odor is obscuring my mind. The dogs are getting closer. People are shouting. And suddenly, there’s a flicker in Lily’s eyes.
She’s not Lily anymore. She’s Shiva. I back away, stumbling over a body. Crack.
My invented vision of her flickers in and out of my mind, shifting between imaginary Lily and tangible Ruby. Lily, Ruby, Lily, Ruby. But Shiva is in her eyes and there’s no escaping now.
I hear her speak for the first time, like a sandpaper tongue caressing her gravel throat. Nails on a chalkboard. I know then that this is my last breath of air.
“There is no Lily.”
Bang, bang.
My baby shot me down.