Never Fade Away

I was never really sure how I felt when it came to meeting people for the first time.

While I like to make new friends (or at the most acquaintances), most of the first meetings I've had always began awkwardly. This was usually due to the person believing that I'm some intimidating prick who likes to be pissed off and that I hate everything. All of that is bullshit, but I kind of see why they would get that impression. Still, it's bullshit.

That's why I sometimes wished I wasn't "well-known" and that people didn't listen to the music that I was involved in before actually getting to know me as a person. Whenever I met someone new, I was able to tell if they were intimidated because of their movements and facial expressions. They would fidget, usually running their hands through their hair or mess with their shirt. I'd then notice that they'd barely look at me as I tried to have a conversation. Instead, their eyes would be more focused toward the ground or to either their right or left. Basically, they would look anywhere as long as they weren't looking directly at my face. Also, their responses to whatever I said during the conversation were as if they couldn't believe that I was so down to earth. All of this was because they only thought of me as the guy in a metalcore band who screamed out all his lyrics and tainted his body in tattoos.

This was for the first hour, but as they actually got more comfortable around me and saw that I was a normal guy, it wasn't so bad. Besides, I couldn't really put all the blame on them because while it's usually the other person that has trouble interacting with me, there were also times when I couldn't start a decent conversation. I socialize and I'm shy at the same time, if that even makes sense.

Nowadays, I don't really try to introduce myself to others as much as I used to. Whenever I was at parties or some social event, I just stuck with the people I was familiar with. I would only talk to a stranger if somebody introduced them to me, but that's about it. Afterwards, I wouldn't really become close friends with them nor would I see that stranger again and I was perfectly fine with that. I got everyone I need.

At least I thought I did.

I was at a house party thrown by Josh Franceschi. He was a few years younger than me, but he was actually one of my closest friends. Another thing about him was that he knew a lot of people, so I expected his party to have a lot of unfamiliar faces despite him always telling me that it was just going to be "a small group of our close friends hanging out". Which is why I found myself standing in the corner of the living room since it was about the only space that wasn't crowded and I could breathe my own air.

People around me were conversing and almost everyone seemed to have a plastic red cup in their hand, myself included. My bandmates had decided to go off in various places and I had no idea where Josh went, so I just stood alone and took a few sips of my drink every once in a while. After a few minutes, Josh appeared again and I noticed that he was walking toward me.

"Hey, Oli," he greeted.

"Hey," I smiled at him. "Great party. You know, I feel like every time I come here, you seem to invite like a hundred more people than last time."

Josh just laughed at this. "I really don't expect to have this many people here, but hey, that's what makes the night more fun. Okay, so the reason why I came over here is because I want you to meet someone."

He moved aside and I realized that the whole time he was talking to me, another person had been behind him. It was a girl and she just looked at me with a grin on her face. The first thing about her that I silently commented on was how her hair was dyed a bright orange while her fringe was more blonde. Among the orange locks were blonde streaks and if I had seen her from far away, I probably would've thought her whole head was on fire. Maybe that was even the look she was going for. I don't know, but it definitely caught my attention.

She had almond-shaped eyes and thanks to the lighting, I noticed that they were green and matched the shimmering makeup that covered her eyelids. Her lips that were still smiling at me appeared shiny and pink, which I guess was due to the lipgloss. She wore a black t-shirt that looked like she altered it with scissors so that it fell off her shoulders and a pair of faded skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees. On her feet, she had on bright red chucks.

The girl took a step forward and extended a hand. "Hi, I'm Hayley. It's nice to meet you."

I reached out to shake her hand and then smiled back at her. "Oli. Nice to meet you, too."

"Hayley's a good friend of mine," Josh told me. "She's in a band called Paramore and they're actually on tour right now. Lucky they happened to be in the area and when she told me she was going to be around, I invited the band to come here since they don't have to play a show tonight."

"Couldn't say 'no' to that," she shrugged and a laugh escaped her lips. She then turned to me again. "So Josh told me a little about you. I heard you're also in a band."

I nodded. "Yeah, I am. We're alright."

That was always my automatic response when it came to the band and it wasn't because I was ashamed or anything. It just got to the point where I didn't feel like explaining exactly what my music sounded like because I either sounded stupid or pretentious when I tried, so I decided to give them a simpler answer where I didn't have to go into detail. She didn't look like the kind of girl that would enjoy my music anyway, so it was probably for the best.

However, she raised an eyebrow at the apathy in my voice. "Really? Just alright?"

"Just alright," I mumbled.

"That's not how Josh described it to me."

"Psh, the guy's just being modest 'cause he always gets shy around new people," Josh told her. "Now I'm just gonna leave you two alone so you can get to know each other. I'll catch you guys later."

"What? Wait-" But he disappeared into the crowd of people before I could say anything else, which meant I was alone with this girl. Sighing to myself, I turned back to face her and this time gave her a half-smile.

Instead of speaking up again, she turned around and began walking away from me. I cocked my head to the side, assuming she probably caught on that I wasn't really excited to be left with her and that just made me feel like a jerk. I didn't want her to think that I was rude, so I thought of going after her to apologize. Though before I could even take a step, she stopped and looked over her shoulder at me.

"You coming or not?" she smirked. "I'm feeling cramped in here. Let's go outside."

Turns out she wasn't trying to get away from me and actually wanted me to follow her. I couldn't help but agree that it was starting to get too stuffy in there and I was more than glad to have a chance to get out of the living room before I collapsed from lack of air. Making my way through the crowd of people, I stayed behind her until we opened the front door and finally got a breath of fresh air. She stretched her arms out in front of her and then walked over to sit down on the sidewalk. I then sat down next to her, relieved that we were no longer stuck in the corner and surrounded by the smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

"See?" she said. "We don't have to feel claustrophobic anymore."

I chuckled at her statement and set my drink down next to me. "It's much better out here, I'll give you that. That's the one thing about parties I'll probably never get used to, but the fun I have always makes up for it. Anyway, where were we?"

She just looked at me and I was confused why she was silent. Did I say something weird or was there something in my teeth?

"What?" I finally said to her.

"Nothing," she shook her head and grinned again. "It's just that this was the most words you've said to me so far. For a second I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

Her words caused me to frown because she had revealed that she did catch on to how I initially didn't want to talk. I didn't intend to be rude to her, but she still got that sense that she wasn't wanted. Yet she still was so kind and genuinely seemed interested in getting to know me, even joking around and asking me to go outside with her. It then hit me that I didn't want her to go away.

"Of course I want to talk to you," I assured her. And I meant it. "I'm sorry if you thought I didn't want to. It's just that I don't really talk to new people that much anymore because I got tired of them judging me by my music and looks."

"Let me guess," she moved closer. "They think you're some badass with an 'I don't give a fuck' attitude and your favorite emotion is anger."

"That's correct," I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Except the whole badass part. Other than that, you pretty much got it. It's the tattoos that makes 'em think that."

"Well, you're looking at someone who gets judged by their hair," she gestured to her head. "But instead of angry and badass, replace it with scene and attention whore."

"I don't see you as a scene kid," I admitted.

She ran her hand through her hair. "Thanks, that's a compliment to me. By the way, you're not an angry person at all. You're a really nice guy."

"You're really nice, too," I smiled.

After exchanging those words, we stayed on that sidewalk and didn't want to leave. As the night went on, we just kept talking to each other and I became more interested in her story, wanting to learn more about this so-called girl named Hayley Williams.

I asked her where she was from since I was able to tell she was from America because of her accent. She told me that she was born in Mississippi, but eventually moved away with her mother to Tennessee after her parents got a divorce. At her new school, she met a couple of guys and they all eventually formed a band together, naming their group Paramore. Because of the divorce, she wrote a lot of songs that centered around it and the concept of love being taken for granted. I still didn't know what her music sounded like, but I hoped to hear some it in the near future. That's when she told me that in the summer, her band was releasing a new record.

"I'll make sure to pick it up," I said.

"As long as you don't illegally download it, then we're good," she joked.

Then it was my turn to tell her about my life. I started telling her how I had lived in Australia for six years when I was younger, but eventually moved back to the UK when I was about eight years-old. I went on about how I started making compilation CDs in high school and the various bands that I played in with my friend, Matt, and my brother, Tom. I had even shared with her the time I was on stage with Funeral for a Friend, which I still consider to be one of the best days of my life and she laughed at how excited I was to tell her about it. Finally, I told her how my friends and I formed our band, Bring Me the Horizon.

"Deathcore and metalcore, huh?" she mused after I finally described what genres I considered my band to be. "Those are such fun names for genres. They're even fun to say."

"You're gonna be saying those a lot now, aren't you?" I teased.

"Because you just said that, yeah," she looked up at the sky. "I haven't heard your music yet, but I know it's going to be more than just 'alright'. I'll probably pick up your album tomorrow."

At the mention of tomorrow, I remembered her saying something about still being in the area because her band was going to be playing a show. That gave me the opportunity to ask her if she wanted to do anything with me before she had to perform. One night just wasn't enough to get to know her and I wanted to spend more time with her. I wasn't going to just let her become another stranger. I wanted us to be more than that.

I cleared my throat. "Well, maybe tomorrow you and I could-"

"Hayley?"

We both turned around to where the voice was coming from and that's when I saw a guy standing in the driveway. He had light brown hair that was chin length and wore a gray v-neck and black jeans. As he started walking forward, Hayley got up and even in the darkness, I saw that she had a big smile on her face.

"I was wondering where you were," the guy said.

"Oh, I was just out here the whole time talking to a new friend," she then looked at me. "This is Oli."

"Hey, nice to meet you," I greeted.

When Hayley walked over to the guy's side, he put an arm around her while she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. Seeing these actions from her and getting a closer look at their faces, I stood there dumbfounded after becoming fully aware of what was going on. Then the next thing that came from Hayley's mouth confirmed it all.

"Oli, this is my boyfriend, Josh Farro."

I forced a smile and allowed myself to shake his hand, even though that word that Hayley uttered was still ringing inside my head.

He was her boyfriend.

And I was stupid.