I'll Be There

Alex sat anxiously at a café table stirring a cup of hot chocolate that she had ordered. As she stirred her beverage, she tried to figure out how she was going to explain things— the horrible secret that had been eating at her since she had arrived in New York.

Alex let out a small sigh as she checked the time. 'They're late—Maybe this wasn't a good idea,' she thought as she got up from her seat and began to collect her belongings.

"Where do you think you're going, Alex?" asked a voice from behind her.

Alex turned her head for a moment before she responded, "You were late, Monica, so I was going to run away and avoid this conversation."

"Don't be an ass. I finally got you to have a real conversation about what's bothering you; you're not getting away that easily. Now sit down and tell me how you've been."

"I thought we were going to talk about what's bothering me," Alex replied slightly confused.

"We are, but I'm not going to make you jump into that yet. You're probably still trying to figure out how to tell me."

"You're right," sighed Alex as she sat down. "I've been okay. The baby's doing fine. I have a doctor's appointment in a few days. Everything has been more or less the same. Anyway, what's new with you, Monica?"

Monica removed her coat and scarf and placed them on the chair across from Alex before she sat down. "Oh you know, same old, same old," answered Monica nonchalantly.

"Really, Monica?" scoffed Alex. "What about your research? And your roommate? And didn't you and Sam hit it off before the wedding? You honestly expect me to believe everything's been the same?"

"I don't know, Alex. Do you honestly expect me to believe everything is more or less the same with you?" countered Monica. "I've talked to Steve. I know things haven't been going great between the two of you; that's not like you guys."

"He let me down, Monica."

"But he tried. He didn't sit on his ass and do nothing. He did everything in his power to find you and you know that. Besides, I know that Steve trying means more to you than anything so it's more than just him letting you down."

"I know he tried," Alex replied. "I know that what happened to me was not his fault and it was beyond his control. I know how terrible he feels about it. I know that he's tried everything to try to make me happy and make sure that I'm safe so that I would forgive him— you know that he keeps his shield close by him when he's sleeping because he's scared that someone is going to try to take me in my sleep?"

"Then why are you still mad at him?" asked Monica with a hint of frustration in her voice. "It doesn't make any sense."

"I'm mad at him because I need a reason to avoid him. I'm mad at him because I'm mad at myself and redirecting it to him so that he doesn't find out what I did," responded Alex with unevenness in her voice looking down in shame

"Alex," Monica said in a reassuring voice as she placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "What did you do?"

Alex looked up at her friend and let out a small sigh before she uttered, "I tried to get rid of him."

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Steve stared at the ceiling of the room Alex and he used to share as he tried to think of ways he could mend things with Alex.

'Food seems to make her happy,' he thought. 'But that's only because she has cravings every five minutes. Besides, me bringing Alex food is not going to make her happy when she has to deal with a newborn in a few months.'

Then it hit him.

"I'm going to be a dad soon," Steve said to himself as he sat up from the bed.

All this time Steve had been focusing on Alex and their relationship when he should have been focusing on the needs of his child. Although it was four more months until she was due, there were still so many things to do in preparation.

'Well, if I can't be the person that Alex needs me to be then that's too bad I can worry about that later, but I'm sure as hell going to be and do everything my son needs and hopefully Alex will see that,' Steve thought as he got off the bed. 'And I know exactly where to start.'

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"And that's pretty much everything," croaked Alex as tears began to stream down her eyes.

Monica swiftly got up from her seat, made her way behind Alex, and wrapped her arms tightly around her friend. "It's not your fault, Alex. You can't blame yourself for that."

"Yes, it is my fault. I'm the one that made the decision so that makes me the one to blame," Alex pointed out, wiping away her tears.

"No, it doesn't. And even if that's what you think, that doesn't mean that that's what Steve's going to think," Monica pointed out. "He'll understand."

"No, he won't. He'll just hate me for it and leave," Alex sighed.

"Alex, you know that Steve's not that kind of person."

"I know, but—"

"But nothing; stop making excuses for yourself," Monica stated in a firm voice. "You have to tell him."

"Okay, I will," sighed Alex half telling the truth. She did want to tell Steve, but she wasn't ready to yet. She knew that she had to wait for the right time and that time wasn't now.

"Good," Monica replied as she gave Alex another hug and then proceeded to collect her belongings. "I have to go back to work, but call me and let me know how everything goes. And try to be nicer to Steve. Being a complete ass to him before you tell him isn't going to help your case."

"I don't think there's anything that can help my case. Even if I am nice to him, I'm still going to end up telling him that I tried to kill our baby and he's not going to handle it well," Alex pointed out.

"Okay, but do you think he's take the news better from a person that cares about him and shows it or from a person that's been nothing but a jerk?"

"From a caring person," Alex sighed in defeat. "I hate that you're always right about these things."

"I know," grinned Monica as she began to exit the café. "I'll talk to you soon okay."

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"Steve!" Alex called out as she entered their apartment. She immediately made her way to the kitchen and began to rummage through the fridge.

"Alex, is that you?" Steve responded from somewhere.

"Yeah, can you come to the kitchen?" asked Alex as she took out some left over lasagna.

"What is it?"

"Can you empty out the oven for me? I was going to heat up the left over lasagna for us."

"Us?" questioned Steve as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, us. You need to eat too, don't you? I figured that if I was going to warm up food for myself I might as well do it for you as well. Unless you want to eat something else; I'm down for anything right now," Alex replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

"No, lasagna is fine," responded Steve as he opened the oven and began to remove the pots and pans.

Alex watched him as she tried to think of something to say to start a conversation when she noticed streaks of paint on the sides of his pants.

"What's with the paint smears on your clothes, Picasso?" Alex joked. "I thought you only did sketches."

Steve paused what he was doing to look at his clothes and saw the random smears and splatters of the paint he had been using earlier.

"I was working on a project. I must have accidently got some on me."

"Well, normally I would tell you to keep it in your pants, but I don't think that applies here," teased Alex. "Try to keep clean next time, okay?"

"You know aside from that innuendo, you sound just like a mom."

"Yeah, well I'm going to be a mom soon," Alex sighed. "So I guess that's a good thing."

"You don't make it sound like it's a good thing," mentioned Steve. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. It's just that I was talking to Monica earlier today," babbled Alex. "I was telling her something and she said that I should tell you what I told her, but I'm not exactly sure if I can."

"Alex, you know you can tell me anything," Steve said reassuringly hoping that it would make Alex feel comfortable telling him whatever news it was.

Alex looked down at the tray of food she was holding to avoid Steve's gaze. 'It's now or never,' she thought as she let out a breath and looked up to face Steve.

"I wanted to know if you would come with me to my doctor's appointment," Alex blurted out causing Steve to look at her confused.

"Really? That's what the two of you talked about?" questioned Steve.

"Well, we talked about other things, like baby stuff, her job, how she thinks I should be nice to you," Alex half-lied as she purposely avoided bringing up the main topic of her and Monica's conversation.

"And that's why you're making dinner for us? Because Monica said you should be nice to me?" Steve teased.

"No, I'm making us dinner because we need to eat. If I was being nice the way Monica said I should be, then I'd be letting you sleep on the bed," Alex explained as she turned on the oven and put the cold lasagna in. "So will you go with me or not?"

"I'll go with you. I don't know why you would make such a big deal about it."

'Because it's a lie. That's not what I needed to tell you' Alex thought.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I didn't know how you would react after how I've been treating you."

"Well, I'm not going to hold that against you. I want us to be able to put that behind us and focus on what's important."

"Thanks, Steve. And as stubborn and mad as I am about everything that has happened, I just want what's best for our child; and I am glad that you're not going to hold anything against me," Alex responded.

'I just hope you feel the same way once you find out what I did.'