Status: You are all beautiful. Thank you for the comments.
You
27th April 2002
You didn't know what fate and I knew. Even now I have to believe you didn’t and that it was only through ignorance that you acted the way you did. I have to believe this because I want my head to remember you the way my heart does.
The memories I keep locked inside have come free. Pandora you have thrown caution to the wind and opened the box. Whenever anybody says your name they picture a hurricane. A beautifully oblivious hurricane that has no idea what it’s doing until it’s forced to stop and survey the damage. Anything you touch is altered forever. You touched me.
I am forever changed.
For weeks we passed each other by at the union. I came by every Wednesday in the hopes of running into you but my own timidity kept me anchored to my seat. Though I might have seemed relaxed with my legs stretched under the table and a textbook balanced in my lap I was rigid as stone. Like a magnet you drew people’s gazes as you swept into the building. The air would feel charged when you were near. The skin across the back of my neck would tingle and I would know to look up just in time to see you. Sometimes you wouldn't see me, you always seemed like you were in the middle of something; a conversation, reading or listening to music through obnoxious yellow headphones covered in cat stickers.
You never saw me. Maybe I was invisible.
I felt invisible a lot as a child so I checked. I would make eye contact with others and smile just to see if they could see me.
My obsession started to scare me. I was not the type of person to lie in wait for someone and the more time that passed without me talking to you the more uncomfortable I felt sitting there. The bar staff would watch me watch you and titter behind their hands then roll their eyes when I let you walk out the door uninterrupted. So you see that’s why when I first spoke to you I seemed so out of breath, so stunted and desperate. I had been waiting for this moment for weeks and when it was finally presented to me I was so shocked I almost messed it up.
Can you imagine if I’d messed it up?
The memories I keep locked inside have come free. Pandora you have thrown caution to the wind and opened the box. Whenever anybody says your name they picture a hurricane. A beautifully oblivious hurricane that has no idea what it’s doing until it’s forced to stop and survey the damage. Anything you touch is altered forever. You touched me.
I am forever changed.
For weeks we passed each other by at the union. I came by every Wednesday in the hopes of running into you but my own timidity kept me anchored to my seat. Though I might have seemed relaxed with my legs stretched under the table and a textbook balanced in my lap I was rigid as stone. Like a magnet you drew people’s gazes as you swept into the building. The air would feel charged when you were near. The skin across the back of my neck would tingle and I would know to look up just in time to see you. Sometimes you wouldn't see me, you always seemed like you were in the middle of something; a conversation, reading or listening to music through obnoxious yellow headphones covered in cat stickers.
You never saw me. Maybe I was invisible.
I felt invisible a lot as a child so I checked. I would make eye contact with others and smile just to see if they could see me.
My obsession started to scare me. I was not the type of person to lie in wait for someone and the more time that passed without me talking to you the more uncomfortable I felt sitting there. The bar staff would watch me watch you and titter behind their hands then roll their eyes when I let you walk out the door uninterrupted. So you see that’s why when I first spoke to you I seemed so out of breath, so stunted and desperate. I had been waiting for this moment for weeks and when it was finally presented to me I was so shocked I almost messed it up.
Can you imagine if I’d messed it up?