You Had Me at "I Hate You"

Linc trudged through the door a few hours later, looking quite like a drowned rat. His clothes were drenched, and his hair was plastered to his face. He dragged his feet, and, as he walked, his dressy shoes made unpleasant squelching noises.

"What happened to you?" Jesse gawked, after swallowing a large mouthful of the pasta he'd made for dinner.

"I didn't get the job," he said tonelessly.
"Oh!" I cried. "Oh, Linc, I'm sorry... Wait... How do you know I didn't get it?"
"Because I asked out the boss."

Jesse burst into laughter.

I shot him a look, but had to press my lips together to keep from smiling.

He was gazing blankly out the window, looking at the rain that was beating the pane.

"Why... Linc, pay attention! Tell me... Why did you ask out the boss?"
"She was hot."
"Well, Linc, hon... That's not really- Jesse quit laughing! It's not funny! Linc, that's not really a good reason-"
"I didn't know she was in charge when I asked her," he protested.

"Okay... Okay, hot stuff, tell us how you screwed yourself over," urged the ever helpful Jesse.

"Well," he began. "I was late, so I was running down the hall. As I turned the corner, I bumped into this great looking woman... Real mature, you know? She was maybe... I don't know... Thirty? And she had been carrying this cup of coffee... It spilled on the floor, and, as I bent down to help her clean it up... I noticed that she had really... Really nice legs."

Jesse managed to turn his snort of laughter into a sneeze.

"So... When I was done apologizing... I told her."
"Told her what?" I asked.
"I told her that she had nice legs."

This time, neither me, nor Jesse, could hold back our laughter.

"It's not funny!" he protested. "And she just let me keep complimenting her until it escalated! I asked her out! Right there!"

He put his head in his hands and groaned in embarrassment.

"Then she just laughed, and told me that she was the Manager of the company."
"Aw," I pouted sympathetically.
"Yeah, and if that wasn't bad enough, she also thought that it was unprofessional that I was late... And that I had a kiss mark on my cheek!"

I gasped.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I forgot that I had lipstick on this morning!" I cried.
Jesse laughed at us.
"Oh, shut up!" I spat at him.
He used his thumb to press up his nose and waggled his fingers at me.

"No... Honestly, it was more the fact that I told her that her shirt complimented her eyes more than the lipstick on my face."
I laughed pitifully. "I'm really sorry."
He shrugged. "I know. It's not your fault."

"Hey man, you win some, you lose some!" Jesse called, and gave Linc's shoulder a reassuring pat.

He grinned.

"I guess you're right..."

Then he sneezed.

Hard.

Uh oh.