You Had Me at "I Hate You"

I sighed, looking at the hazy twilight sky, and decided that I most definitely wanted to avoid this little talk.

"Um... Linc," I lied. "I'm really tired. How about we do this in the morning?"
"But..."
I looked away from his horrible, crushed face. "I want to get a good night's sleep. I'm... um... meeting someone tomorrow."

"What?" he asked, suddenly alert. "Who?"
"Um... Just a guy..." I said, looking at my feet.

"But... But... You can't go out with another guy!"

"Why not?" I demanded, again, sounding ruder than I'd intended.

"Because... Because..."
"Spit it out, Linc!"

"Because I love you! Because, goddamn it, Violet DiMarco... I love you!" he shouted

I blinked in surprise.
"But... Linc..."
"And do you know how hard it is, Violet? How hard it is to love someone... And then watch them live out their life? You went from day to day so normally! And I was slugging through hour after hour... I could hardly contain myself from leaping up and kissing you every time I saw you!"

"I... I don't know what to say..."

He ignored me and continued raving. "And... I lost control. That night when we got drunk... I let my guard down. I kissed you... and you still didn't want me! I... I..."

"I don't... I can't..." I stuttered, shaking my head.

"I just wanted you to love me!" he cried. "I tried everything! Nothing worked! I just wanted you to..."

I was silent now, slightly in shock.

"I wanted you to love me so bad that it hurt."

He looked broken.

"But... Linc..." I protested . "I don't love you... You know that... We've been through this before!"
"I know," he mumbled. "But I thought that if I just kept trying..."
"No!" I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that! You can't just keep taking random stabs in the dark!"

"You don't think I know that? Vi... I was scared! I was scared that this would happen! I was terrified that you wouldn't love me back... And you don't..."

He slumped down on his bed. "This has all turned to shit."

I had to end it. If I ended it now... A clean break... Then he'd pick himself back up in no time. He'd been dumped before. Hell, this is the first time I've ever had to break up with someone who I wasn't dating in the first place!

I sighed. "Look, Linc, I've got to get some sleep. I'm meeting Trenton for breakfast tomorrow-"
Lincoln suddenly sat bolt upright, a dark look on his face. He scowled at me.
"Trenton? That creep? But you told me that you couldn't stand him!"

"Yeah, I'm aware of what I said... But... he told me that he really liked me," I muttered.

"I TOLD YOU THAT!" he cried. "I told you that I really like you! I told you I loved you!"

"Linc, Trenton is-"

"YOU KNEW THAT I LOVED YOU! YOU KNEW! AND YOU STILL DECIDED TO GO OUT WITH OTHER GUYS!" He bellowed, throwing an accusing finger in my face.

I pushed the finger aside and hissed, "No, Linc. You're wrong. You never told me anything! All you did was beat around the bush and act like a two-year-old whenever I was around!"

He began to protest, but I interrupted him.

"Oh, just shut up Lincoln! It's not my fault that I happen to know guys who aren't afraid to tell me how they feel!"

"I did that!" he screamed. "I let you know how I felt! I gave you my jacket, I kissed you, I... I... I kissed you!"
"Yeah," I replied acidly. "And you had an excuse for all of those things. You gave me your jacket because I was cold. You kissed me because you were drunk. Don't you think it's about time you started to take credit for the things you do?"

He stood straight, just staring at me. It wasn't an angry stare... It was much worse. He was looking at me as if he was... Disappointed in me!

I recoiled inside. I can't believe that this boy...

No.

Wait.

That's wrong.

I looked at the way he was standing, tall... proud...
I reflected on how he'd handled himself that day at the park, calm... honest...

Lincoln Fletcher wasn't a boy anymore.

Lincoln Fletcher was a... man.

Somewhere along the road, he'd matured. He'd grown up right before my eyes, and I hadn't realized it until now.

He shook his head sadly. "You just don't get it, do you?"
"I... I..." I faltered.
"You really don't understand..."
"Linc, I..."
"You know," he said, a hint of laughter in his voice. "I really don't know why I liked you so much."

The past-tense hit me like a freight train.

Harry Potter pranced out from under the bed, and began rubbing against Linc's legs. Harry had always liked Linc better than me. Hell, Harry had liked Linc better than anyone!

It was probably because Linc was nurturing. (Did I just say that?)

But, honestly... It was true. Linc always took full responsibility for that cat. He fed him, cleaned his litter box, and gave him the nasty smelling pink medicine when he got an eye infection. Linc was kind, caring, and comforting.

Linc was... perfect.

I realized that I was the child. Linc was being more mature than me...

He struggled with the words for a moment, and then let them drop of his mouth like stones. He was grimacing as if they hurt him...

"Violet... I... I hate you."

My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe.

He turned and walked away. Just like that! He hesitated at our room's door handle for a moment... And then left! He walked quickly, as if he wanted to rid me from his memory. I heard the apartment door close distantly... Like an echo.

Harry Potter pawed angrily at the door Linc had just exited out of. He mewed piteously.

"Alone?" I thought to the cat. "Join the club... We're both alone... And we both miss Lincoln Fletcher."

And that's when it clicked.

Something slid into place.

It was the way I felt when I wasn't with him. It was the way his back looked as he strode out of the apartment. It was the way he quietly mumbled my name in his sleep, the pang in my stomach when he walked around shirtless, the fact that my heart fluttered when I caught him looking at me. It was the night that I'd been forced to crawl into his bed, and how I'd slept so easily. It was the hurt look on his face, and the ease with which I'd broken his heart.

I love him.

I love Lincoln Fletcher.

I love Lincoln Fletcher!

He had me.

Utterly... Completely... I was his.

And he didn't want me anymore.